Touch The Flame
by Science-Fantasy93
Summary: James & Katie have hated each other for years, but with family problems & secrets, they start an enemies with benefits relationship for comfort. But before long, feelings, history, & past mistakes get in the way. Touch the flame & you will get burned...
1. Preface

**_Hey, everyone! So, instead of, you know, updating the DLS-S Cruise, I go and post another multi-chapter story. I'm doing great here, huh?  
_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush, because if I did, season 3 would already be up._**

**_Story Warnings: Heavy language, strong innuendos, sexual situations (whether graphic or not, I'm not sure yet)._**

**_Rating: T for the moment, although it might end up getting changed to M, depending on just what exactly happens._**

**_Ages: James, Kendall, Logan, and Carlos are all 21, and Katie is 18._**

**_So, I'm really, really nervous about this story. It's a lot more adult and dark than anything I've ever really written, but I'm hoping there'll be little bursts of humor in it. It's an enemies with benefits story, one that I've kind of been working on for the past couple of months, and that I'm finally just getting up the nerve to post. Most of the story is going to be told in a flashback, alternating between Katie's and James's POVs. This chapter is just the preface, and it's 'present day', which is actually a few months ahead of when the story actually begins. It's very short, and I promise, the actual chapters will be much longer. Oh, and this one is also an A/U. Big Time Rush never happened (sad, I know), and they're all still living in MN._**

**_Well, if you guys are still reading after my extremely long introduction, props to you!_**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

**Preface: I Remember ((Present Day))**

**Katie's POV**

I hated him.

It was a known fact.

I hated him.

But that didn't explain how I had ended up here, laying next to him, cocooned between the sheets on his bed, listening to his steady breathing, one arm draped around me.

We hated each other. This arrangement, if you could even call it that, had been a way of stress relief, much like yoga, only less healthy. It was just something we did. It was just us. A part of us, in a way, such as the way my hair is long and brown, and James likes to name his combs. We were unapologetic about it. Maybe a little embarrassed. But unapologetic. Because, why would we be? It was human. Nothing but human. Biology. Nature.

But maybe it was because we kept it a secret. I mean, an enemies with benefits relationship? In _this_town? Hah! Forget it! Imagine, the cosmetics designer's son fucking the diner waitress's daughter...who's brother just happened to be the cosmetics designer's son's best friend. Yep. That was really pushing the boundaries.

Not that we hid it because of the social structure.

Social structure only did so much, only controlled so much.

But if my big brother, Kendall, found out about my enemies with benefits relationship with his best friend, he'd go nuts. It was best to keep him out of it. And besides, who really ever admits to an enemies with benefits relationship?

It was a bit taboo, if you really thought about it. Sure, there was the whole Buffy/Spike relationship, but that didn't exactly end well. And Buffy wasn't in her right mind (well, not really) at the time.

Not that either James or I were in our right minds when this started.

Between family issues, money problems, and school, we were both beyond stressed out. But that's not really the point.

The point is, is that this started, and now here we were.

We were in this mess.

We did this to ourselves.

And at the end of the day, it would always be our fault.

We didn't mean to, but it happened.

Something seemingly harmless and platonic had gone to being painful and emotional.

Because we had broken the number one rule of enemies with benefits: We had fallen in love.

Looking over at him, I tried to remember how this had all started. It hadn't been innocent, that was for sure. Things were never innocent with James.

I smiled a little at the thought. I wasn't sure he could be innocent if he tried.

He stirred beside me, and slowly opened his large, hazel eyes. He blinked at me. "You're tossing and turning. Stop it."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

He rested on an elbow. "What're you thinking about?"

I shrugged. "Stuff."

"I'd imagine so."

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"No, seriously, what's keeping you awake?"

"I was – I was just thinking about how it all began…"

He looked at me in confusion.

"You know…us…this arrangement…this…thing…"

"Oh…"

"Yeah…" I pushed the covers back, and got out of bed. I grabbed his t-shirt off the floor and slipped it on. I went to his bedroom window and looked out over the quiet, peaceful neighborhood. Maple trees lined the street, and glowing street lamps dotted the sidewalk. Other than that, the neighborhood was dark, with no movement, no life, as far as I could see.

A second later, James joined me, standing mere centimeters away. I glanced at him quickly, before turning back to the street.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James bite his lip, thinking hard. "I guess in a way, it kind of started a couple of months ago, last August, the day I got back to town."

I nodded, remembering that day all too well…

"It's all still really clear to me," James continued. "I still remember how everything felt…"

I looked over at him again.

"Why did you bring it up?" he asked me. "I mean, why were you thinking about it?"

"I don't know…It's just been on my mind, I guess."

He nodded. "Okay."

I turned my head to look at him again, and his eyes met mine, as he began to reminisce…

* * *

_**Well...how was it? *Hides face* Was it absolutely horrible? I'm sorry if it didn't make much sense. I don't usually do prefaces, but once I started on it, it just kind of wrote itself. Hopefully, the first chapter will be much better.**_

_**So, let me know what you thought, and if you liked it or hated it or loved it (despite it's shortness). I'll try to get the next chapter up within a couple of days. :)**_


	2. Chapter One The Beginning

**_Hi, everyone! Welcome to the first actual full-length chapter of Touch The Flame._**

**_Disclaimer: I can't afford to own Big Time Rush. Therefore, I do not own them. Nuff said._**

**_Warnings: Language and sexual innuendos._**

**_Jatie4Ever: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like it so far :) And thank you for reviewing! It means so much._**

**_Ezra: Awwww, thank you so much! I'm so happy to hear that! It's totally fine :) I'm 19, to answer your question. I definitely will keep writing :) Thank you again, and thank you for reviewing! I appreciate it :)_**

**_THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed, alerted, or favorited this story already! For those of you who, you know, didn't see my A/Ns and have no idea, I was so, so nervous about putting up the preface, so you guys really helped me get my nerves together. I can't thank you all enough!  
_**

**_So, if it seems like not a lot actually happens in this chapter, it's because it doesn't. More stuff will happen in the next two chapters. This is just kind of setting up the basis for everything._**

**_Anyway, enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter One: The Beginning**

**(Late August)**

**James's POV**

The town was just as I remembered. Small. Clingy. Clique-y. The kind of town where everyone knew each other, and knew about everyone else's business.

Such as the fact that my father, the man who left Brooke Diamond, cosmetics company owner and business extraordinaire, for a woman fifteen years younger than him, was in the hospital now, with lung cancer.

Oh, and the fact that the estranged son was now back in town so that he could be with his father during his last months, and would be attending Canton Lake Community College, rather than the University of Los Angeles, where he had spent the past three years, trying to get away from his parents and stepmother.

And yes. That estranged son is me.

I stood at the cash register in the Canton Lake coffee shop on Main Street, listening to the people all around me muttering about my mysterious reappearance. As far as they knew, I was gone for good, trying to make it as a model and pop star.

Obviously, those dreams were being put on hold for the time being. And being a model? Forget it! Give me another four years and I would be over the hill for a model...well, if I was going to model anything _good_, anyway. At twenty-one, my life was wasting away. I was back, stuck in the same old small town I had tried to escape from three years ago, and at my mother's, stepmother's, and father's beck and call.

Especially my father's.

It never ended with him. Even dying, he still managed to figure out some way to keep me trapped here, being the laughing stock of the town because I wanted a new life, a life that existed outside of Canton Lake, Minnesota. A life that included following my dreams, dreams that didn't involve running the local diner.

The cashier summed up the total of my order of a nonfat tall latte, and I paid her. She flashed me a winning smile, and I smiled back flirtatiously, hoping that I could at least get some brownie points from the female population of this town, between the ages of sixteen and thirty. Well, thirty-five if the woman was really hot. And considering my mom kept her cosmetics business headquarters here, it was entirely possible. She was the role model, the one who every woman wanted to be.

And my father had been the person who every other man looked to when it came to deciding between their wife and mistress. And my stepmother was the one who all young women copied when they were gold digging bitches in search of a rich husband. And then there was me, the one who slept with about 90% of the girls in high school...

Yeah, we were just the perfect family.

"Thanks," I said to the cashier.

"No problem. Your order will be up shortly. Is there anything else I can do for you?" she added sweetly.

I widened my smile. "I'll let you know."

She giggled and smirked at me. "You do that."

"Pathetic," a voice behind me said as I stepped aside to let the next person order. I turned around to find a tiny brunette lifting large sunglasses off of her face and placing them on her forehead. "You've been back in town for - what? Two hours? - and you already have a booty call lined up. That takes some serious dedication. And some serious whoring," she added disgustedly.

I smirked at her. "Well, well, well, if it isn't little Katie Knight? Jealous, are we?"

She snorted. "Over who gets to sleep with you? Puh-leeze. There are reasons why vibrators were invented in the first place - so that girls didn't have to rely on guys like _you_to get them off."

I crossed my arms and looked at her. "Still as snarky as ever, I see."

She smirked at me before ordering her coffee and paying for it. "What can I say? It's a God-given talent. Just like you being an absolute pig is a _hell_-given talent."

"Haha, so witty," I retorted.

She grinned. "I know."

"Nice to see you still love insulting me."

"Nice to see you still have no idea how to deal with a girl who doesn't want to sleep with you."

"You were fifteen when I left - I wouldn't have slept with you anyway."

She rolled her eyes. "Please, you'd sleep with anything who had the legs for a skirt, a chest for a tube top, and the butt for skinny jeans."

"And you definitely did not have any of those things."

She glared at me, eyes filled with fire. "Ever get dick enlargement surgery? Because you're acting like an even bigger one than you used to."

"One tall nonfat latte," the cashier called, giving me a sweet smile, and I took it from her, returning her smile.

"One low fat mochaccino and one tomato and swiss," the cashier called about ten seconds later, and Katie stepped forward to grab her drink and sandwich.

"Well, I'm out," Katie announced to me. "I only stopped by for some caffeine and food. I've gotta get to work. Later." And she swished out of the coffee shop, her short skirt swirling around her long, tanned legs.

Huh...I might have to rethink the whole Katie Knight-isn't-hot thing.

Not that I would ever sleep with her anyway. She was Kendall Knight's little sister, and Kendall had been - still was, technically - one of my best friends. I had grown up with him, from peewee hockey, through elementary school, through those torturous years of middle school where you had to kiss someone or else you were uncool, until we were seniors in high school and ruling the school.

Good memories.

Katie was three years younger than me, which would put her at about eighteen now...

I left the coffee shop, walking out into the muggy, humid, late August Minnesota air. The sky was heavy with dark clouds, threatening a late summer thunder storm.

I headed for my old pickup, the one my mom had kept and was letting me use while I stayed here, waiting for Dad to either recover or...well...not to recover.

I got into my car and drove back to my mom's house. It's a large brick job, with a Victorian look to it. Very intimidating, which means it fits my mother's personality perfectly.

My mom was inside the house, in her office, when I walked in. "Did you get your coffee?" she asked me, and I nodded, holding up my cup.

"Oh good." She chewed on a pen cap for a few seconds, before snapping out of her work-induced funk. "Savannah," she said my father's wife's name with her usual disgust, "needs you to come over and sort through your father's things with her."

"He's not _dead_!"

Mom gave me a long look over her reading glasses. "I know that, dear, but your father will be staying at the hospital permanently, so Savannah wants to bring some things in to make his room more cheerful and homey."

"It's a hospital. The only place less homey is a graveyard."

Mom looked at me reprovingly, pursing her lips. "Just try, okay?"

"Christ, Mom, I haven't even been back in town for four hours and I'm already getting sucked into the never ending cycle that is my father and Savannah!"

"It's not a cycle, James. It's _life_."

"Yeah, it's _his_life. It's not mine!"

"You're his son, and he needs your help!"

"He's never needed my help before! Why should this time be different?"

"He's dying, James!"

"I'm perfectly aware of that. And I'm supposed to give a fuck? The man never gave a damn about me, so how the hell am I supposed to give a damn about him?"

"Just go help your stepmother!"

"Fine!" I stormed out of the house again, and drove to the sprawling mansion that was my father's. He built it out of his divorce settlement. I don't even know how he managed to get any money out of the divorce, considering he was cheating and all that. And he never had to pay child support, since my mom had all that money. The most I ever got from him was the occasional birthday card with a twenty dollar bill stuck in the envelope. When I would spend weekends (which were rare and far between) with him and Savannah, he would always make sure to criticize everything about me, and then go out to his country club and play golf. I actually almost felt sorry for Savannah, since Dad always told her to entertain me. She tried, she really did, but the most bonding we ever did was when we discovered a mutual love of _Charmed_.

After that, we had absolutely nothing to talk about.

I parked the pickup in the driveway and climbed out, walking up to the front door. I rang the doorbell. About two seconds later, the door opened, and Savannah came into full view. She was ten years older than me, at thirty-one. She had married my dad at twenty-two, when I was twelve.

She was still ridiculously beautiful, tall, lean, and blonde, although there were tiny lines around her eyes now, no doubt from worrying about my father and her inheritance.

"James," she said with a small smile. "Come in. It's so good to see you."

I stepped into the house and smiled back. "It's good to see you too."

She reached forward and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back, although I have to admit that the sudden contact was a little uncomfortable, considering how tightly she was holding onto me.

I finally managed to push her off of me and she smiled, a little sheepishly. "It's just really good to see you. You've grown up so much!"

"Ummm...thanks...So, my mom said you needed help going through my dad's stuff?"

"What? Oh yeah. Come on, let's go up to our - well, your dad's and my - room. We can start with his clothes."

I nodded and followed her up, wondering just what my stepmother was up to.

"So, how's Dad doing?" I asked as we walked up the stairs.

"He's...managing. Fighting. But not really...winning."

"Ah. This must be so hard for you," I said, trying to sound sympathetic.

She eyed me. "Yeah...Mostly I'm just lonely."

"That sucks. I mean, it's a pretty big house to be alone in."

"Exactly! Without Ben – your dad – here, I have no one to talk to. None of the housekeeping staff speak English."

"That makes it...hard."

"It does," she agreed as we reached the landing. She led me down a dark hall, to a closed door. "Here we are."

The room was large, and covered from head to toe with lavender and pink. Apparently my father had let Savannah decorate.

Savannah began pulling out clothes. "We should only bring comfortable ones to him," she informed me, "since he's pretty much completely stuck in bed."

"Okay." I held up a t-shirt and a pair of sweats. "Like these?"

She nodded. "Yes, perfect."

We continued to go through my dad's clothes, eventually coming up with enough clothes to fill a large duffel bag.

"Thank you so much for doing this," Savannah gushed as she walked me to the door. "I really appreciate it."

I smiled at her. "No problem. Anything I can do to help, just let me know."

She paused and then leaned her head against the open door, gazing at me, enraptured, for a few seconds, before standing on her tiptoes and kissing me on the corner of my mouth. "I'll _definitely_let you know," she replied, a wicked gleam in her eyes.

Before I could say anything, she closed the door in my face.

Did my stepmother just hit on me?

* * *

**Katie's POV**

The nice thing about work: It isn't home. Not that home's so bad, per se, when, you know, no one's there. But the second Mom and Dad get home, the fighting starts. Kendall's lucky. He's living in an apartment building just off of campus. I'll be able to move into a dorm next week, since classes start soon at Canton Lake Community College, but until then, I'm stuck living in this hellhole.

My parents are going to be getting divorced anytime now, it's so obvious, even if they won't admit it. They fight like cats and dogs, kicking and screaming and throwing things at each other for days on end, and then we have a week's resting period, where they are delicately polite to each other, they do whatever the other one asks, and Mom serves decaffeinated Earl Grey Tea and homemade cookies.

I can always tell how bad the fight's been by what kind of cookies she's made.

When they're bad, she bakes oatmeal raisin.

When they're really bad, she bakes snickerdoodles.

And when they're horrendous, knockabout blowout, she bakes chocolate-chocolate chip cookies.

When I walked into the house, I could smell the sweet, warm aroma of chocolate cookie dough and melted chocolate chips.

It didn't surprise me though. The past week or so, Mom and Dad had been screaming bloody murder at each other until four in the morning, when Dad would either A) fall asleep on the couch, or B) storm out of the house and drive to his office, where he would crash on the couch there...or option C), which I preferred not to think about it. Even though his back was in waaaay too good a condition for a forty-two year old man who had been sleeping on a couch every night for the past seven nights…

"Hey Mom," I said as I dropped my purse on the armchair in the living room. I could tell she had been cleaning, because everything was spotless. Not a speck of dust sparkled in the sun-streaked air that filtered in through the open windows and white lace curtains.

Mom was in a white summer dress with green flowers on it, which offset her long, curly red hair nicely. She gave me a disapproving look. "Please bring your purse up to your room," she said. "I want the house to be perfect for when your father gets home."

I rolled my eyes. Truthfully, I really hate it during these make-believe sessions. I mean, at least when they're fighting, she's not acting like a Stepford wife. Plus, that's when the house actually feels...honest. I mean, it's horrible when they're screaming obscenities at each other, and it scares me shitless, but at least she isn't worried about where I leave my purse, or how perfect the house is for when Dad gets home. Because honestly, he doesn't give a damn. He doesn't give a damn about how nice the house is, or where my purse is, or what kind of cookies Mom bakes.

All he cares about is work, and...if I'm right - which I don't want to be - then his secretary or whoever the hell he's banging. God. What is with men? Why can't they ever just stay true to one person their entire lives? Look at James Diamond's parents! Hell, look at him! As much as he might hate to admit it, and he never will, he and his dad are one and the same. The only difference is, I think James is smart enough (I know, I never thought I'd ever say it either) to know that he isn't marriage material, and will therefore stay away from all white dresses, black tuxes, and ministers at all costs.

Sadly, his father and mine were too stupid to realize they should have stayed away from all those things as well. Apparently, they liked the taste of wedding cake too much to resist.

I shouldn't complain, I really shouldn't, because if my dad hadn't decided he wanted a bite of wedding cake (which we're using metaphorically, of course, in case any of you out there is confused), Kendall and I wouldn't be alive to this day. And that would really suck. We would be nothing. We would be less than nothing. Well, maybe not, if you believe in reincarnation. Then we'd either be cows in India, or floating around up in heaven with God. But I'd rather not get all religious. The point is, no matter what you believe, we wouldn't be here.

"Katie," Mom said warningly, seeing my eye roll.

"I'll take my purse up to my room," I replied quickly, not in the mood to piss her off.

"Thank you." She pursed her lips again, and I could tell her entire body was tense.

I grabbed my purse and headed upstairs to my room to drop off my purse, before going back downstairs to snatch a chocolate-chocolate chip cookie.

Mom was slipping them into a cookie jar. I immediately grabbed one and took a bite of it.

"Would you like some milk with that?" she asked me at once, already pulling out a tall glass.

"Ummm...sure..."

She poured me a glass of skim milk, the only kind we have anymore since Dad once informed her that any other kind of milk went straight to her hips and thighs. I might've kicked him, except I'm supposed to show respect for my parents. It's too bad my dad makes it so hard to do. And then there's my mom...I love her dearly, but the way she lets Dad walk all over her is just pathetic. I mean, she really doesn't during the fights, but she won't put her foot down either. She never tells him to stop being a cunt, or else she's leaving him, or to get the hell out of the house, or anything like that. She never gives him an ultimatum. I'm not saying that she should, but considering some of the stuff he's yelled at her, and the stuff she's put up with, it's about time she does something.

But she won't. She never does.

I don't know what she'll do when the truth (which I hope really isn't the truth) about Dad comes out and she's forced to face the music. I really don't. She'll be heartbroken, torn to pieces. Kendall and I'll have to scrape her off the floor and re-inflate her before she'll even look human again.

"Here you go, sweetie," she said, smiling cheerfully at me, although the smile didn't quite reach her eyes.

I took the glass from her. "Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome."

I dunked my cookie in the milk and took another bite. "So...Dad's at work? When is he going to be getting back?"

"He said around five," Mom answered as she began to clean up the kitchen. "So we can all have a nice family dinner! I called your brother, and he's going to try to come over."

"Oh, okay."

"We're having pot roast tonight," she added, "with baked potatoes and peas and carrots."

"How very...suburban."

She smiled happily - well, fake happily since, once again, her smile didn't reach her pretty green eyes - and said, "Thank you!"

Like she thought it was a compliment.

I glanced at the clock. It was almost five now...If Dad was true to his word, and during these times of fake-peace, he always was, he would be home within about five minutes.

"How was work?" Mom asked conversationally as she slid the roast into the oven, along with the baked potatoes.

"It was fine," I replied, finishing off my cookie. "We got a new shipment of shirts today that I think are going to be really popular. They're peasant blouses, and who doesn't look good in a peasant blouse?"

"Girls who don't have the bodies for them?" She gave me a pointed look.

"I have the body for one!"

"You do now. You didn't when you were fourteen."

"And that was four years ago! God! What is with people bringing up my lack of curves today?"

"Who has mentioned them?" Mom asked curiously.

I immediately clammed up. If I mentioned I had run into James Diamond at the coffee shop, she would immediately smirk knowingly - and she would actually mean the smirk. You see, I had a _tiny_crush on James when I was in middle school, and partway through my freshman year of high school, before I realized what a womanizing pig he was. And Mom, bless her, has never let me forget this unfortunate schoolgirl crush. Which means that anytime I bring up James for one reason or another, she immediately gives me this look, like she's just so sure I'm totally and completely in love with him.

Hah! Yeah! As if.

He's vain, egotistical, thinks it's his born right to sleep with whoever he wants, whenever he wants, and treats girls like they're leftover beef that has been left out in the sun for too long.

You get the idea of his actual personality.

But most people don't see. Or, most girls anyway. I'm the only one, and that's because I had it shoved right in my face. But in my freshman year of high school, he was considered a god. And no one would ever listen to me when I informed them that they were waaay off on that assumption. It's probably one of the reasons why my high school years sucked so much, because I insulted King James in my freshman year. That negative blight followed me throughout the next few years, even though James, my brother, and their two best friends, Logan and Carlos, graduated at the end of my freshman year.

Amazing how he manages to screw things up even when he's out of the state.

It must be a talent.

I headed upstairs to change out of my _**Off The Rack**_ clothing store uniform – really just a black t-shirt with the store's name spanning across the chest in hot pink, and a hot pink skirt that I had bought there. We were encouraged to wear clothes that came from _**Off The Rack**_, in order to help with sales.

I changed into denim shorts and a _**Daughtry**_ concert t-shirt.

I was just brushing out my hair when I heard the front door open and my dad calling out to the house that he was home.

I glanced at the time on my digital clock and saw that it was 5:00 PM exactly. The man had impeccable timing.

I could hear my mom greeting him formally, saying something about what we were having for dinner, and that Kendall would be joining us.

I heard my dad reply just as politely, and rolled my eyes. Who were they kidding? Either they needed to go see a marriage counselor, or they needed a divorce. Personally, though, I opted for option number one. I didn't want them to get a divorce.

I felt my stomach twist itself into a knot at the very idea. Other people's parents got a divorce. Not mine. And I wasn't right about my dad's affair. I couldn't be.

I decided right then and there that they were just going through a rough patch. That's what Kendall had been saying for the past six months, ever since the fighting began, and I had been trying to convince myself of that.

They still loved each other, they just didn't know how to express it.

That's what I decided.

It was probably the only thing that gave me the courage to set down my hairbrush and bound out of my room and down the stairs to greet my father.

"Hi, Dad," I said when I reached the living room. He was slipping off his shoes, and Mom was hanging up his suit jacket.

"Hi, sweetie," he replied, although there was a distant look on his face. He had had that look off and on since the fighting began, and that look alone was enough to terrify me. It made me wonder if he even wanted to be around me anymore.

"How was work?" I asked, doing my utmost best to keep the cheer in my voice, even though I felt my throat catch slightly at the beginning of the sentence.

"Fine," he said, and then turned to my mom. "What time's dinner?"

He never used to ask her this. We used to eat whenever she finished dinner, but during these periods of lying calmness, she would set a certain time, usually at six.

And sure enough, she answered, "Six-o-clock. Will that work for you?"

"Yes. I have some business I need to take care of before dinner, though."

_Like counseling hotel reservations for you and your bimbo_? I thought bitterly, and then quickly shook myself out of it. That wasn't it at all. It wasn't. It couldn't be. He meant something to do with his work.

My dad is a partner at _**Steel and Knight**_, a law firm that specializes in cases regarding businesses suing other businesses. As a result, he was always busy with work. Which meant that there was no way he could even have the time for an extramarital affair.

I immediately felt better.

Nevertheless, I felt my throat catch slightly again as I watched Dad go into his office and close the door, while talking into his Blackberry.

There are some situations kids should never be in, no matter how old they are, and this was one of them.

Kendall showed up at 5:55, walking through the front door casually with his hands in his baggy cargo shorts, his graphic t-shirt hanging over his wiry frame.

"Hey, Big Brother," I greeted him cheerfully.

"Hey, Baby Sister," he replied, giving me a one armed hug. "Mom in the kitchen?"

"Yep."

"And Dad's in his office?"

"Uh huh."

Kendall's eyebrows knitted together. "Ah."

"Yeah."

"How bad was the fight?"

"Mom made a double batch of chocolate-chocolate chip cookies."

Kendall winced. "Oooh…"

"I know."

"And we're having pot roast, baked potatoes, and peas and carrots for dinner."

"Sounds very…suburban."

"Exactly."

"Great. Just great."

"Kendall!" Mom cried as she walked out of the kitchen. Kendall gaped at her.

"Mo – Mom! You're wearing a dress! And your hair's not up in a bun! And you're wearing makeup!"

Mom pursed her lips. "Yes Kendall, it's nice to see you too."

"No, I mean…We're not having guests, right?"

"No…do we have to have guests for me to make myself look presentable?"

Kendall just stared at her in shock.

Mom gave him a reproving look before saying, "Come on you two, come set the table."

Kendall immediately headed for the kitchen, but I pulled him back. "She means the _**dining room**_ table."

Kendall gawped at me. "You're kidding. We never eat there! Only at Thanksgiving and Christmas and on birthdays and when she's trying to impress Dad's parents!"

"I know."

"But – "

"Part of living in the Jones family." I grimaced at him before heading into the kitchen to grab the plates, silverware, napkins, and glasses.

At six-o-clock exactly, we all sat down to eat.

Mom immediately attempted to pry a little further into Dad's work, and Kendall and I both tried our luck at getting him to say something other than "fine" and "good" and "never better", but no such luck. He was completely shutting us out.

Kendall began to ask Mom about her life, but except for the usual "housekeeping" "shopping" and "gardening" (which is completely stupid, because who tries to keep their garden alive in late August?), she wasn't releasing any unnecessary information either.

Great.

Everything in our family was on a need-to-know basis.

Finally, Mom asked Kendall about his life. Thankfully, he wasn't going on our parents' standard, and he was pretty open about it.

However, it wasn't until Mom asked him if he would be able to stay for dessert and an episode of _**Grimm**_ that he announced, "I actually can't. James is back in town, and a bunch of us are going down to the lake tonight."

I felt my stomach twist slightly.

Mom immediately brightened up. "James Diamond? Well, how about that!"

"You didn't know?" Kendall said. "I talked to James today, and he said he ran into Katie at the coffee shop." He grinned at me.

Mom immediately looked over at me. "You didn't mention that!"

I shrugged. "I forgot." Lie.

Kendall smirked slightly, and then addressed me again: "Do you want to come with us?"

"Oh, I – "

"Come on, Baby Sis! Some of your friends from high school will be there, and a bunch of college kids! You can meet some of the people who you'll be on campus with!"

I sighed. "I don't – " the idea of spending an entire evening with James was as sickening as they come.

Mom nodded encouragingly. "You should go. It's a Friday night, and you don't have work tomorrow. Go out and have fun with your friends and brother."

"Fine," I huffed out. "But if I come back drunk off my ass, just remember, you encouraged it."

Mom smiled sweetly at me. "I'll keep that in mind. And I know you won't be 'drunk off your ass' – you're much too responsible for that." She threw a pointed look at Kendall, who shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"It was one time!" he finally hollered.

"Yes dear, of course."

Once dinner was finished, Mom insisted (per usual) that Kendall and I help her clean up, since Dad was so busy with work, and then Kendall shooed me upstairs to change into something appropriately party-material.

"And remember," he called after me, "we're going down to the _**lake**_, meaning we'll probably be swimming!"

"Yes, Captain Logic."

I ended up wearing a hot pink and black bikini that I had gotten from Off The Rack, the denim shorts I had been wearing earlier, and a purple and black plaid button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to my elbows and the tails tied. I slipped my feet into a pair of black flip-flops, added some makeup and earrings, brushed my hair out again, stuffed a change of clothes, amongst other necessities, into a tote bag, and headed back downstairs.

"I'm ready, let's go."

Kendall nodded, and we said goodbye to our parents before heading out to his car.

I slid into the passenger's seat and Kendall got into the driver's seat. "Ready, Baby Sister?"

I buckled in. "Ready, Big Brother."

He started the car and I immediately lunged for the radio.

In Canton, the only station that plays any decent music is the college one.

The Naked and Famous song _**Young Blood**_ was playing, and I immediately turned the volume up so that it resonated through the Ford Explorer.

"Why'd you invite me?" I asked, kicking my flip-flops off and resting my feet on the dashboard.

"What do you mean? You're my baby sister – "

"You've never invited me to this kind of thing before."

"Well, you weren't in college then." He grinned at me, but I wasn't buying it.

"Kendall – "

"Fine. I figured you needed a night out of the house. I mean, I could feel the tension between Mom and Dad the second I walked in the door. You must be on pins and needles."

I looked out the window as the song changed to Joe Brooks _**Green Eyes**_. "A little."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I turned back to glare at him. "You never asked. Whenever I brought it up, you'd always just blow me off, say it wasn't a big deal. Well, maybe it _**is**_ a big deal, especially for those of us who have to put up with it."

Kendall sighed. "I'm sorry, Katie-Kat. It was just easier to separate myself from what's going on at home."

"Lucky you."

"Katie – "

"Just don't shut me out again, okay?"

He nodded. "I promise. I won't."

"Good."

He nodded again. "So, uh, dating anyone?"

"Nope," I said unconcernedly, still staring out the window. We passed by maple trees, hanging with brown leaves, surrounded by dark gold grass that looked as rough and dry as desert sand. The sky was a deep blue, and I knew within a couple of hours it would be turning to a majestic purple.

Kendall turned onto the gravel road the led out to the lake. We passed by more trees, and more grass. Everything about it felt dead, but looking up the sky, there was a certain contrast, an openness about it, a vitality. And in the distance, the lake shimmered, a medium blue. Looking at the dead trees framing it, it appeared, like the sky, beautiful and strong and wild.

After being trapped in a house with two people who treated each other like strangers, and only getting out for work, it was like heaven.

Only I'm pretty sure heaven doesn't involve people pulling up to the edge of the road, yelling and whooping and pulling out a beer keg.

Other people were setting up a large speaker set, and connecting their iPods to play in a rotation. Someone had brought a large barbecue (how were they getting all this stuff in their cars?) and others were lugging out coolers packed with hamburgers, hot dogs, different kinds of salad, and just about everything else you could imagine.

Kendall grinned at me as I slipped my flip-flops back on and we climbed out. "Ready?"

I nodded. "Of course. Since when am I not ready for something?"

He snickered. "I'm sure there have been a few times."

I rolled my eyes. "Are you going to go help?"

"Nope. I didn't volunteer to bring anything – except for my amazingly gorgeous baby sister."

"Flattery will get you everywhere. Now, what do you want?"

"Talk to James?"

"What? Why?"

"Because it's about time you two made up."

"You know, there was a time when you were thrilled that I hated James."

"Yeah, when you were fourteen and he was sleeping with every girl he passed in the hall at school."

"But now I'm eighteen and he's twenty-one you have no problem if he tries to sleep with me?" _Which he won't_, I added to myself mentally, with a slight touch of bitterness.

Kendall smiled happily. "That won't be happening. You're not his type."

Don't I know it?

At that moment, I saw James pull up in his blue Chevy pickup. Speak of the devil.

"Go and talk to him," Kendall nudged me.

"No! We haven't said one civil word to each other since I was fourteen!"

"And he's been gone since you were fifteen! Maybe something's changed."

"I doubt it. When I ran into him at the coffee shop he was still the same pig-headed jackass he was three years ago."

"Nice to see you keeping an open mind."

I threw him a nasty look. "Fine. I'll go talk to him. Keep this in mind when you're shopping for a Christmas present for me."

"Naturally."

I heaved out a heavy sigh, squared my shoulders, and headed towards James's truck.

I was so going to kill Kendall.

(*)(*)(*)(*)

(Present Day)

"You know what's crazy?" James said to me as I reached the part about wanting to kill Kendall.

"What?"

"The way Kendall and your mom were so determined that we get along."

I shrugged as I wrapped his shirt around me a little tighter. "They're both crazy. We can probably blame this entire mess on Kendall."

"Oh, definitely," he agreed. "If it wasn't for him, well, maybe things wouldn't have happened."

"Exactly."

We fell silent for a few minutes, and then James prodded me in the ribs.

"Hey!"

"Are you going to continue or not?" he wanted to know.

"Fine…" I took a deep breath and continued, remembering how I felt, and what I was thinking, as I had walked towards him.

* * *

_**So...what'd you guys think? Was it okay? Did you like it? Hate it? Love it? Let me know! I love hearing from you guys, and the review button gets super lonely, so it needs some love. :)**_


	3. Chapter 2: Smoldering

**_Bonjour, darling readers, are you ready for chapter two?_**

**_Disclaimer: Well. About that. I've been meaning to talk to Scott Fellows about that. I don't own Big Time Rush, but I'd love to. Sadly, he isn't returning my calls. I'm so bummed now._**

**_possessed-grandpa: Thank you so much for taking the time to review both on twitter and through fanfiction! That means so much! And I'm so happy you like it!_  
**

**_misslittlemaslow: Thank you so much for reviewing! I always appreciate it! And thank you, you're always so sweet. I'll definitely keep working on this story, and I'm still writing the DLS-S Cruise, so hopefully that'll be up soon. I might be able to do a story about you and James, but it'll be awhile, so if you're willing to wait, I'll definitely do my best :) When I get the time, I'll definitely take a look at those stories. And yep, I turned 19 in mid March. :)_**

**_THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed, alerted, or favorited this story so far! I love you guys so much!_**

**_Warnings: Strong language, heavy innuendos, and some sexual (non-graphic) situations._**

**_Enjoy the chapter!_**

* * *

**Chapter Two: Smoldering**

**Katie's POV**

James Diamond is one of those guys who you may never see twice, but who you'll never forget.

For one thing, he's absolutely gorgeous, with shaggy, gleaming, brown hair, large hazel eyes that will make you melt if he decides you need to be softened, ridiculously long lashes that every girl in school was envious of, and tanned skin that just looks soft and silky, like he uses moisturizer every single day, twice a day, seven days a week. But while there may be something feminine about his eyes and skin, he's all man when it comes to his body. He's all gym-worked muscle, with incredible pecs, biceps, and abs, plus he's tall, at 6'1 easily.

And, coming from someone who works at Canton's only clothing boutique, he knows how to dress.

So, it was with a turning stomach, sweaty palms, and a pounding heart that I made my way in the direction of my superhot enemy.

As I drew within the ten foot range of his truck, James swung out of the cab seat, landing neatly on the ground, and slamming the door, looking incredibly delicious in his slim fitting destroyed jeans, his designer t-shirt showing off his amazing arms and clinging to his well-defined chest and stomach, dark sunglasses sliding down his nose as his hair blew slightly in the light breeze.

I felt myself pause as the sound of the door shutting bounded towards me. My hair whipped into my face, the wind picking up slightly, and I automatically raised my hand to push my locks out of my eyes.

"So, what brings you within hearing range of me?" James called to me as he walked towards me, hands in his front pockets.

"You're also within shooting range," I informed him. "I brought my rifle with me."

He rolled his eyes and drew level with me. "Funny, real funny."

I shrugged. "You just don't appreciate dark humor."

"I appreciate dark humor, I just don't appreciate it when it's aimed at me."

"Spoilsport."

"Anyway, I figured after today's encounter you would steer clear of me at all costs. So why are you here?"

"Kendall invited me."

"I mean talking to me."

"Because he asked me to."

"Ah. Still love your big brother, I see."

"I never stopped."

"No, of course not," James said thoughtfully. "You and Kendall have always had each other's backs."

"Yes. He's my big brother, and I love him, no matter what."

"And you can rely on your parents."

I bit my lip. "Kendall said he saw you earlier."

"What? Oh, yeah, we all hung out for a little while before he had to go to your parents' house for dinner."

"How's your father?"

"No idea," he said coolly.

"He's your father. Haven't you been to visit – "

"I've been busy with other stuff," he said brusquely. "You know, I think I like you better when you're insulting me. At least then you aren't badgering me with questions."

I took a step back, and a scene flashed before my eyes…_**"She's just a little girl," James said laughing to Kendall, completely unaware that I was just around the corner, hidden from view. "She just talks to me and asks me questions nonstop. Trust me, Kendall, I prefer girls when they **_**don't**_** talk. There's no danger of me **_**ever**_** being interested in her, believe me." I bit my lip hard, biting back the tears that were threatening to spill over…I wouldn't cry over him…I wouldn't…**_

"Fine," I snapped. "Sorry for bothering you. Sorry for trying to be nice. It won't happen again." I glared at him and turned around, stalking off, before pausing and spinning back around, my hair blowing around my face. "And you're _**definitely**_ the same self-absorbed, egotistical pig you were when you were seventeen. You'll never change, will you?"

I hated myself for it, but a part of me – a huge part – hoped fervently that he would come after me, apologize for everything that he had ever done to me. But the more logical part of me knew that he wouldn't. And he didn't.

I trudged down to the edge of the lake, where I pulled my shorts, shirt, and flip-flops off, and stuffed them in my tote bag, before wading into the cold water.

I ducked under the water, sinking to the lake's floor, holding my breath. It was peaceful under the surface. It was quiet and dark, and I was alone, away from the party that was going on just a few yards away from me. Funny how Kendall had completely forgotten to mention that this was going to be a blowout bash.

I'm not sure how long I stayed down there, but finally my lungs were screaming for air, and I broke the water's surface again, gasping and pushing my hair out of my eyes.

"We were starting to get worried about you."

I blinked water out of my eyes and saw Camille Roberts, Jo Taylor, and Stephanie King on the beach in front of me.

"What? Your boyfriends aren't doing anything stupid? Aren't you usually worried about _**them**_ and not _**me**_?"

Jo is Kendall's girlfriend, and Camille's dating Logan, while Stephanie is kind of with Carlos, although it isn't official. They just have this agreement that they don't date anyone else. It's weird, but it seems to work for them.

I was pretty close with all three girls, despite the age difference. They were the only ones who knew about what had happened between James and me. It was nice to have people to sympathize with me, even though they were so close to the boy in question.

"They're actually behaving themselves for once," Jo said as she stripped down to her bikini. "We're enjoying the freedom we have before they realize that now that all four of them are together again they need to go and jump out of a tree or something."

I laughed and Jo joined me in the water, with Stephanie and Camille following close behind.

"So, we saw you talk to James. It looked like things went…not so well," Stephanie commented with a frown. "What'd he say?"

I rolled my eyes. "He was just being his usual jackass self."

"Katie…"

I looked away from them. "It doesn't matter."

"What was it?" Jo asked, wading over to me. "You look really upset. He must've said something pretty bad to get you this mad."

"It wasn't – it wasn't bad by _**his**_ standards. It just…he just said something about him liking it better when I wasn't asking him questions. It just reminded me of what I overheard him and Kendall talking about when I was fourteen. It's stupid, I know, but…I just flashed back and I just suddenly felt like I was that girl again, the one who he said he would never be interested in. I mean, I don't like him anymore, but you don't forget your first heartbreak, right?"

The others nodded in agreement.

"It's only natural," Stephanie put in.

"I shouldn't be upset."

"Katie – "

"It's stupid and childish. I shouldn't even be thinking about James. And I _**don't**_ have feelings for him."

"Stop arguing with yourself," Jo told me. "You have every right to feel the way you do, even if you don't have feelings for him anymore. He hurt you. He didn't mean to, but he did, and he can never take that back."

"He's only been back in town for six hours and he's already pissed you off," Camille said with a laugh. "Nice going, James, real nice."

"He's pissed me off twice," I added. "I ran into him at the coffee shop before work and, well, I guess I kind of picked an argument with him, but he and the cashier were flirting so outrageously it was disgusting."

"I bet," Jo said sympathetically. "It really does seem like he hasn't changed."

"And he never will," I said fiercely. "He'll never grow up either."

"Speaking of the pig," Camille said, looking over towards our right, "check out who's showing off his awesome Hollywood bod."

We all automatically turned to find James stripping down to his swimming trunks, smirking at the looks he was getting from girls.

"What a man whore," I said disgustedly. "Look at him. He just craves the attention. He needs it. Otherwise he'd probably feel like a worthless piece of shit."

"Totally," Stephanie agreed. "I wonder which one of those girls he'll be taking back to his place tonight."

"I call the blonde with the top that's four sizes too small," I said.

"Oh, you're on!"

"Who do you think he'll hook up with?"

"The skinny brunette who looks like she could use a couple of pizzas crammed down her throat."

Both girls were, quite literally, throwing themselves at James.

I turned to Stephanie. "You're on. Ten bucks says he goes for the blonde."

"Got it."

"Are you guys seriously betting on who James is going to sleep with?" Jo asked, mouth agape.

Stephanie and I looked at each other and then simultaneously said, "Yep."

"You two are horrible – busty redhead at five-o-clock."

We all spun back around to find, just as Jo said, a large-chested redhead making her way towards James.

James straightened up and gave her a sultry grin.

"I'm placing money on the redhead," Jo said.

Stephanie and I looked at each other. "Crap," we said together. We were both about to lose ten dollars to Jo.

"Did she just grope him?" Camille cried, eyes nearly popping out of her head.

We all turned back to James and the redhead, and sure enough, she was grabbing at his lower front.

"Really?" I said with disgust. "That is just...There isn't even a word strong enough to describe that."

It took about ten more seconds for James to walk away with the girl, grinning.

Jo smirked at us.

"Fine," we both grumbled, and headed towards the beach to grab our wallets and give her the money.

Once we had paid her, Jo flashed us a smile and tucked the money into her own wallet. "Thank you," she chirped.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," we mumbled.

"Come on," Camille interrupted us, "let's go grab some food. I mean, I know you already ate, Katie, but it's a party! There's free food! Free junk food! We have to take advantage of the situation!"

We laughed and headed over to the buffet tables to grab a plateful of food each. Once we were loaded up with as much food as we could stuff ourselves with, we plopped down in the sand and began to work our way through the mountains of food.

By the time James and the redhead reappeared, we had dried off and were dressed again, our food long gone.

We rolled our eyes at each other, and I made a point of ignoring James's wide smirk. I couldn't help wondering where he and the girl had wandered off to, and then decided very quickly that I didn't want to know. It wasn't any of my business, and besides, I would just disgust myself by thinking about his tryst.

It was nearly ten-o-clock by the time the air was too cold for light clothes, so I pulled on the pair of jeans I had brought with me, and a hoodie.

A bonfire had been built, and people were gathered around it, toasting marshmallows and make s'mores.

The keg of beer was almost gone by now, and some of the guys had been sent to make a beer run.

I sat in front of the bonfire by myself, Jo, Stephanie, and Camille having disappeared with their respective boyfriends at least fifteen minutes before. That was something else I preferred not to think about.

I clutched a wine cooler, the only kind of alcohol I'll drink, and a bag of chips sat at my feet. I couldn't help but feel a little bit lonely, but I was working on burying those feelings. I was used to feeling lonely, to being alone in a crowd. It had pretty much made up my entire high school experience.

In the bonfire, the flames danced to their own rhythm, flickering in and out like a light switch was controlling their movements. If I looked closely, I could see shapes in the flames, and I couldn't help but think that if I stared into them a little bit longer, I would see stories unfolding before my eyes.

But before I could test that theory, someone took a seat next to me.

I didn't look up, thinking that it was just some random partygoer. Instead, I just took a morose sip from my wine cooler bottle, feeling the sweet taste of pineapple and mango slide down my throat, accompanied by the sharp bite of the minor alcohol.

"So…Katie Knight…Kendall Knight's little sister, right?"

I looked up to see a guy about my brother's age, with jet black air looking back at me. There was something familiar about him, but I couldn't quite place him.

He would have been good looking, with high cheekbones and a long, straight nose, except for his eyes. They were ice blue, and they reminded me of a frozen lake. Dark. Depressing. Dangerous.

"That would be me," I replied coolly. "Something I can do for you?"

He smiled coldly at me. "I just wanted to meet the hockey captain's baby sister. You really are as cute and pretty as he boasts."

"Thanks." I gripped my bottle so tight my fingers shook.

"You don't remember me, do you?"

"No."

He leaned close to me, and I felt my skin crawl like bugs getting off a log. "I was on the hockey team back in high school. I go to Canton College now."

Did no one go to a university anymore, except James?

I bit my lip, and placed him at once as soon as I imagined him in his hockey uniform. I couldn't figure out how I could have forgotten about him – he was as creep four years ago as he was now.

"Sean Reinard," I said. "Of course."

"Of course." His voice remained icy, and I shivered, like a bucket of cold water had just been dumped over me.

"Yeah…" I was about to make an excuse, like, say, I had just suddenly contracted pneumonia and I had to go to the hospital ASAP, when he spoke again.

"You're going to Canton College, aren't you?"

I noticed he called it Canton College, rather than Canton Community College. I couldn't help but wonder if the fact that it was a lowlife _**community**_ college bothered him.

"Yes, I am."

"Just for your associate's art's degree?"

"That's the plan."

"Where would you like to go afterwards?"

I looked away. "I don't know."

"What do you think you'll be majoring in?"

"I don't know."

"Well, you better get on that, because you only have so much time to decide," he said in a superior voice.

Great. So he wasn't just a creep, he was a snob to boot. Was this guy going for Prick of the Year?

"I'll keep that in mind," I replied quietly.

"Well, I guess there's always stripper or porn star if you can't make up your mind," he said greasily, and I felt chills shiver down my spine.

"Katie! There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"

James threw himself in-between Sean and me and wrapped an arm protectively around me.

I never thought I'd be so happy and relieved to see James, but when it came down to it, I'd take James over Sean any day. At least James didn't make me want to go scrape my skin off to get rid of any creep germs.

Sean gave James a dirty look. "What do you want? Can't you see Katie and I were talking?"

"It's important," James replied. "It's about her brother."

"What?" I turned to him in alarm.

"So go and tell her," Sean snapped.

"Fine, I will. Come on, Katie."

I never thought I would obey James, but nevertheless, I found myself standing up with James and he pulled me away from Sean.

"What's wrong with Kendall?" I asked him, wondering what had happened to Kendall.

"Nothing," James answered once we were a safe distance away.

"Then what – ?"

"You looked really uncomfortable, and Sean's always creeping girls out, so I figured I'd rescue you. You're welcome."

I could only blink at him. He had actually done something nice for someone else? That was a first.

James rolled his eyes. "Okay, then. I'm out of here. See you later – "

"Wait, James?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks. I – " I took a deep breath. "I really appreciate it."

A ghost of a smile seemed to shimmer across his lips. "You're welcome. I was glad to do it."

Wow…So he did have a soul. I never would have guessed.

He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his keys.

"Are you heading out?"

"Yeah. The others have all disappeared with their girlfriends – "

"Stephanie isn't technically Carlos's girlfriend."

"Well, whatever she is to him. And the others…I only remember them vaguely from high school. Half of them I don't even know. I think they're Kendall's and Logan's and Carlos's college friends, but I haven't asked."

"You didn't seem to have any trouble with hooking up with a stranger," I commented icily.

He shrugged. "Since when have I ever?"

"Whatever." I turned around, planning on walking away from him, but he grabbed my arm.

"Hey, don't you go acting all high and mighty with me – !"

"I'm not!"

"You're acting like – like – "

"Like I have morals?" I asked coolly. "Because if so, that's because I actually do."

James looked at me, pressing his lips together. There was a long, awkward pause, and then I announced, "I'm going to go find Kendall. I want to leave."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Look for Kendall, I mean. Most likely, he's in the middle of boning Jo."

"Thank you for the description. You know what you need to go with your wording?"

"What?"

"A barf bag."

"Little Miss Snarky, huh?"

"Oh, don't act so surprised. People don't change, after all."

"No, no they don't."

I nodded and began to walk away from him, but before I could get more than a couple of feet away from him, he called after me,

"I could just give you a ride home if you want to leave. There's no point in you interrupting Kendall's and Jo's 'fun time', as he used to put it, or for you to stay here and be miserable and get hit on by Sean Reinard."

"I don't know if he was hitting on me – "

"He was. I know how he hits on girls, and believe me, he was hitting on you."

"If so, he needs to take lessons."

"I know. So, how about it?"

"How about what?"

James heaved out a huge sigh. "How about I drive you home?"

I hesitated, chewing on my bottom lip. On the one hand, I was extremely tempted. I was more than ready to leave this party, and I really didn't want to interrupt Kendall. But on the other hand, James and I were always fighting, and a three year gap hadn't made any difference. We could quite possibly kill each other. Plus, as much as I hated to admit it, my hormones always seemed to go into overdrive whenever James was around. And James's hormones went into overdrive every time a girl was within a ten mile radius. Something could so easily happen…

"Fine," I said, sighing. "I'll text Kendall and let him know."

"Okay." He waited patiently while I dug my phone out of my tote bag and sent Kendall a quick text, and then he hustled me to his truck.

I got in, biting on my lip again, and wondering just what exactly the ride home was going to entail.

* * *

**James's POV**

I climbed into the driver's seat and buckled up, before starting the ignition.

I'm not sure exactly what possessed me to suggest that Katie ride home with me, I honestly don't. Maybe I was just trying to do something nice for Kendall. Maybe I just wanted to get Katie away from Sean Reinard. But whatever the reason, there she sat next to me, looking stiff and unsure, like she wasn't sure she belonged here.

And I wasn't sure she belonged here either.

Nevertheless, I didn't say anything. Instead I just turned on the radio, flicked on the headlights, and shifted the truck into drive, so that I could do a u-turn.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Katie shiver and wrap her arms around her tiny body.

"Are you cold?" I asked.

"N-no."

I ignored her mild protest and turned the heater on.

She glanced at me sideways, and then said in a mumble, "Thanks."

"No problem."

"So, did you enjoy the party?" I asked her.

"Yeah, kind of."

"'Kind of'?"

She pulled her feet up so that her knees were against her chest. "Well, yeah. It was fine when Jo and Stephanie and Camille were with me, but once they left…" she shrugged.

"You were all alone?"

"Yeah. Not that it's a big deal. I'm kind of a loner anyway. I'm very rarely surrounded by people."

"You just were."

"I mean, people who I actually like." Her long brown hair fell into her eyes, shielding her face from me. And suddenly I realized just how lost she was. How lonely.

"Katie…"

"What?" She didn't look up.

"Are you – are you okay?"

"Of course I am. I always am."

"You're strong. But you can't deal with the weight of the world."

"Quit the poetry. You don't have any idea what the fuck you're talking about."

"You're a lot different from what I remember," I recalled, a hint of sadness coloring my words. I reached my hand up automatically to brush my hair around from my face. "You were happier when you were younger."

"Aren't we all?" she retorted.

"Yeah, but…I mean, we grow up. But you…I don't know…You just seem like you're carrying this huge burden."

"I'm not. It's called reality, James. Maybe you should come back to it."

"I have."

"Yeah, right. Be honest with yourself, James. You're avoiding it. You haven't gone to visit your dad – "

"I just got back into town twelve hours ago!"

" – And your first stop was the coffee shop, not to his house or the hospital. Think about it. You're running from it."

"Hey, you don't know anything about what happened between my father and me!" I snarled.

She threw me a nasty look. "I never said I did. But considering the evidence – "

"My father and I do _**not**_ get along! And I have no reason to respect him! Look what he did to my mother!"

"And yet, you're the same womanizing bastard as he is."

"I'll never make a promise to someone that I can't keep," I replied after a few heartbeats. "I won't ruin someone's life over that."

She gazed at me for a few seconds, and then looked away. "My point was that you can't just waltz back into town and act like you know everything about my life. We haven't had a rational conversation since I was fourteen – "

"Because you're an eavesdropper and a peeping tom," I corrected her, as we reached a stoplight.

A look of rage crossed her face. "I really hate you."

"And I really hate you," I snarled back.

We glared at each other furiously, and I felt something creep into my stomach. A mixture of anger and…want. Lust. Need. Desire. Arousal. Whatever you want to call it, it was there.

It literally felt like sparks were flying between us, fueled by our rage and…

My eyes were torn away from hers when someone honked behind me, and I realized with a start that the light had turned green.

I quickly stepped on the accelerator, my mind still fuzzy from whatever had just happened between Katie and me. Because something had happened, and I could tell by the look of shock on her face that she had felt it too.

"I can't believe you're still holding that against me," I finally said.

She didn't look at me. Instead, she just set her jaw and said, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine."

"Fine."

We didn't talk again until we reached her house.

I pulled up to the curb and put the gears in park and set the parking brake, before unlocking the doors so that she could get out.

"Thanks for the ride," she said nastily.

"Thanks for the entertainment," I shot back.

She flipped me off with her middle finger, in the classic _**fuck you**_ sign.

I don't know what made me do it, I really don't, but before she could slam the door, I shouted, "You know you want to!"

Her face grew red, her eyes narrowed, and she slammed the door so hard I felt the entire car shake for several seconds.

Well, that answered my question.

She so wanted to.

I watched as she stomped up the steps to the stone porch, and then unlocked her front door, before banging into her house furiously.

I saw her turn around before shutting the door and I rolled down the passenger window, leaning over against the seat, and blew her an exaggerated kiss. I saw her eyes widen and her face scrunch up the way it always did when she was livid, and she banged the front door shut. Poor house. It didn't deserve that kind of abuse.

Grinning wildly, I released the parking brake and shifted the gears back into drive, and signaled, pulling away from the curb.

The next morning, Savannah called my mom's house, asking if she could send me over. She was thinking about bringing him some movies and TV shows, his computer, and his iPod, but she wanted me to help choose movies and TV shows.

"So, how was the party your friends threw you last night?" she asked as we sorted through a pile of DVDs.

"It was fine," I answered.

"Hook up with anyone?"

I looked up at her in surprise, and she grinned.

"I'm not that much older than you, you know. I do know what you do in your free time."

I shrugged. "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."

Her grin widened. "You did. It's written all over your face."

"Fine. So I did. What's your point?"

She turned away, smirking. "Nothing. I was just curious. So…did you ever get her name?"

"I think it started with a B…"

She cracked up. "Classy, James. And _**you're**_ my stepson."

I flashed her a grin. "Aren't you proud of me?"

"I don't think me being proud of you is what you want."

"Then what do I want?"

"Maybe it's what _**I**_ want." Her words were laced with seduction, over spilling with raw sex. Her gaze was unwavering, smoldering, and I knew that any smart guy would be running for the hills.

I returned her look, holding her stare for a full ten seconds, before blinking. "We'll see."

"Yes," she said, turning back to the DVDs. "Yes, we will."

We continued going through the movies and shows without talking. It wasn't until I got up to leave that Savannah grabbed my hand. "Let's not play games," she whispered to me huskily. "Although, I

do hear that you're good at them."

"The best."

Without further ado, she pressed her lips to mine, wrapping her arms around me. I kissed her back, hands at her waist.

Okay, I admit it. Kissing your stepmother while your father's in the hospital is pretty low. It's going beyond revenge. But hey, she made the first move. What was I supposed to do? Push her away and tell her to stay away from me? Yeah, okay, I probably should have done that. But what I should have done and what I actually did have always been two different things. And why was I going to change now?

Like Katie had said last night, people never change.

Savannah pulled at the hem of my shirt, and I raised my arms, letting her yank it off.

"Mmmm…" she moaned. "I'm always amazed at how much you changed through the years."

"And you haven't changed at all."

She grinned at me and reached behind her, unzipping the dress she was wearing, and let it slip to the ground. "Up to my room, now." She led me up to the master bedroom that she had shared with my dad and draped herself seductively over the bed. She wore a lacy lavender bra and thong set, and she chewed on her lower lip.

I had to give her credit. She was good at what she did.

Now, if I hadn't rethought my decision, you'd think I would have by this point. But I never rethink a decision. And for me, it wasn't a choice. It was nature.

And, all right, I'll be honest, the car ride to Katie's house had been on my mind, especially with what had happened at the stoplight. And it had been affecting my lower body in ways that I did not appreciate. I mean, there was no way in hell I was actually going to fuck Kendall's bratty little sister, not even to relieve some of this stupid sexual tension that I know we both felt. So I needed something to help with the growing annoyance in my lower body.

Also, getting revenge on my father, even if he never found out about it, would be a plus.

Savannah crooked her finger at me and I walked towards her. I crawled onto the bed and gently pushed her onto the mattress, hovering over her. She reached up to trace my jaw line.

I looked down at her. "How long have you wanted to fuck me?" I asked her.

She grinned. "Since you were about fifteen."

"Such a cougar."

"I don't hear you complaining."

I grinned back at her. "I don't see any reason to."

She pulled my face down to hers, kissing me. She reached down to unbutton and unzip my jeans and

tugged them down. I kicked them off.

Savannah ran her fingers over me through my boxers. "Oooh…someone needs some relief…Lots of sexual tension with someone?" She flashed me a knowing smirk, and I knew she thought it was all for her.

I didn't dissuade her. Instead I smirked back. "Trust me, you have no idea."

* * *

**(Present Day)**

"I still can't believe you slept with your step-mom," Katie huffed out, arms crossed over her tiny body.

I stared at her. "Are you – are you jealous?"

She snorted. "No! Of course not! What would I have to be jealous of? A thirty-one year old woman who sleeps with her twenty-one year old stepson while her husband and his father is in the hospital? I think not!"

I continued to gape at her. "You are! You're jealous!"

She rolled her eyes. "You're insane. You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Maybe…But I also know you. So maybe I have a small idea of what I'm talking about…"

"You don't."

"So, this is a moral issue, and nothing to do with jealousy?"

"Exactly. It's about morals and values."

"Mmm hmmm…Well, I suppose, especially since I was using her to get rid of my sexual frustration when it came to you…"

Her fingers seemed to clench around the balcony railing a little bit harder.

"Just tell me what happened next," she gritted out.

I grinned. "You know, it actually involves you…"

* * *

**_What'd you guys think? Any particular feelings on James or Katie or their situation? It's difficult being enemies when you secretly want to jump each other, as they can tell you.  
_**

**_Anyway, see the cute little review button? Yeah, it's lonely. It needs some love. And clicking on it will make it so, so happy. So, review, make the review button happy, and let me know what you think about this chapter, because, even though I always say this, it's the truth - I love hearing from you guys!_**


	4. Chapter 3: Breaking Point

**_Chapter 3 is up! Whoo!_  
**

**_Disclaimer: Owning BTR is on my to-do list, but no progress has been made, so nope, I don't own Big Time Rush._**

**_misslittlemaslow: Sleeping with your step-mom is one of those scandals that seem to crop up in TV and books - and fanfiction ;) But it's pretty crazy, isn't it? Awww, thank you :) And you really are sweet! Thank you so much, and thank you for reviewing! :)_**

**_THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed, alerted, or favorited "Touch The Flame"! I love you guys!_**

**_Warnings: Strong language, heavy innuendos, mildly sexual situations, drinking, and an intense situation._**

**_Enjoy the chapter!_**

* * *

**Chapter 3: The Breaking Point**

**James's POV**

I left the house when Savannah and I had finished. There hadn't been a huge goodbye. She had just kissed me and said, "I'm _really_ looking forward to next time."

Next time…Meaning this hadn't been a onetime deal. Had I just accidentally signed up to sleep with my step-mother? Oops…

That hadn't exactly been in my ten year plan…Well. I was slightly screwed. Just slightly.

My phone vibrated in my pocket as I headed for my truck. Once I was in the cab, I pulled it out and opened the text. It was from Kendall: **Hey, thanks for taking Katie home last night. I got a little busy with Jo…Anyway, I really appreciate it. :)**

I chuckled. Him and Jo…It was nice to see that they were still as hot for each other as ever.

I had just started the ignition when my phone went off again. This time, the text was from my mom. **Stop by the store, please, and pick some vegetables. –Mom**.

I quickly texted her back, **Sure, which ones?**

A moment later, her next text came through: **Carrots, broccoli, and lettuce.**

**Ok. I'll head there now.**

I set my phone aside and put my seatbelt on. I shifted the truck into gear, and backed out of the driveway, heading to the local SuperDuperMart. It was about a five minute drive, and I was soon pulling into the parking lot. I sauntered into the store, snatched up a basket, and made my way to the vegetable section.

I began to put the designated vegetables in the cart.

"Whoa…you actually have enough time to go shopping in-between fucks?"

I looked around to find Katie stalking towards me out of the spices aisle, clutching a small jar of cinnamon, hair pulled back in a high ponytail, wearing shorts, a t-shirt, and flip-flops. "Sad you're not one of those fucks?" I replied coolly.

She snorted. "You wish. I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last guy on earth."

"You'd get horny really quickly."

"I'd have my hands."

My eyes widened a little. She smirked widely. "Something wrong, Jamie?"

I swallowed hard. "No, of course not. I'm just a little shocked that you have the balls to be so crude."

"I don't have balls – that's you."

"You'd be good at dirty talking."

She smirked widely. "What a shame you'll never get to find out."

I snorted, desperate to get back onto even ground. "Like I'd want to."

"Of course not. James Diamond doesn't sleep with his best friend's little sister."

"Nor does he want to."

Something flashed across her face. "No. I know that. But who says you're the only one who gets to be a tease?"

I don't know what made me do it. I really don't. But the next thing I knew, I had pushed her up against the shelf of the spices aisle, and kissed her forcefully. She gasped and froze, before kissing me back.

I pinned her against the shelves, kissing her hard enough to bruise. She kissed me back just as hard, nipping at my bottom lip. I nipped hers back. She groaned and entwined her fingers in my hair, tugging. I pressed my body against hers, and she pushed against me in response. I groaned, feeling like I couldn't get enough of this. Any worry or guilt that I had felt seemed to be flooding away, and all that mattered was Katie, and the way her lips felt pressed against mine.

She deepened the kiss, fingers still in my hair. The only thing that would be better than this would be if we weren't wearing any clothes…

"What is going on here?"

I pulled away from Katie at the sound of the horrified voice.

One of the employees, a shelf stocker or something, was standing about two yards away from us, looking absolutely shocked.

"Uhhhh…" I turned to Katie. The sight of her, pressed up against the shelves, eyes wide and dilated, lips blood red and swollen, and clothes a little disheveled, had to be the hottest sight I had seen in ages, even hotter than Savannah in her bra and thong. And to think, I despised this girl.

The woman continued to gape at us.

Katie tugged her shirt down. "We were working out our differences," she said in a clipped tone, and then pushed past me and the shelf stocker, stalking away to the checkout counters. I shrugged at the shelfer, said, "Sorry", and followed her.

Katie got into line at the nearest checkout counter, and I stood behind her.

"I knew you wanted to fuck me," I said to her quietly.

She gasped and whipped around. "I do not! _You_ kissed _me_! Not the other way around!"

"But you enjoyed it."

"So? It was an endorphin release. Like driving your car too fast, or skydiving. It was a rush – a dangerous rush. People need to do stupid things once in awhile to get _that_ out of their system."

She smirked in satisfaction at the dumbstruck look on my face, and turned back around.

"So, I guess that'd explain why I kissed you," I said to her. "I had to get my daily stupidity out of my system."

She glowered at me, obviously not liking her own remarks used against her. I just grinned at her.

She spun back around huffily, looking beyond pissed.

I grinned even wider, feeling very proud of myself.

Katie paid for her stuff and headed out. I paid for the vegetables, and raced out after her. Pissing her off was just too much fun.

Katie was at her car, about to get in. She looked up as I came closer to her.

"Why did you kiss me?" she asked. She looked less angry, and more upset.

Her question surprised me. I didn't have an answer for it, but I wish I had.

"I – I don't know," I admitted. "It just kind of…happened. I just kind of…snapped."

"That's – that's what I thought."

I looked closely at her. She looked vulnerable again, just as she had the night before. She looked young, and innocent, but broken nonetheless.

She climbed into her car the rest of the way. "We never talk about this again," she said firmly.

"Katie – "

"Never again."

Startled, I nodded, and she slammed her door shut. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah – yeah – of course – "

She nodded crisply, started the car, and pulled away, leaving me to wonder just what the fuck had happened.

* * *

**Katie's POV**

My mind was foggy all the way home. I have no idea how I managed to get home in one piece, I really don't. It was James's fault. All his fault. If he hadn't kissed me, my mind wouldn't be going crazy, and my hormones wouldn't still be racing. God…what did he do to me? He turned me into a slobbering, sexually frustrated mess.

I parked the car in the driveway, got out, grabbed the cinnamon, and headed into the house.

My mom was in the process of making snicker doodles, which is why she had requested the cinnamon. Sadly, she had sent the wrong person. If she hadn't asked me to go down to the store to pick up a new jar of cinnamon, I wouldn't have run into James, I wouldn't have mouthed off to him, and I wouldn't have found myself pinned against the spices' aisle shelf, with his lips practically superglued to mine.

Damn cinnamon anyway.

"You okay?" Mom asked me as I walked into the kitchen and handed her the cinnamon.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Because you've seemed a little out of it all day, and now…You look like you're off on Pluto or something."

"I'm just drained, I guess."

"From the party?"

"Yeah…" Or the ride home…where sparks had almost literally flown between James and me…That was pretty distracting alone if you think about it.

"How was it?" she wanted to know. "Did you see James?"

I nodded. "Yeah. He drove me home, actually, because Kendall was…busy."

She gave me a long look. I'm sure she knew what _busy_ meant, but she didn't push it. "You rode home with James?"

"Yeah."

"Really…how about that…"

"You don't honestly want me to go out with Mr. Screw-Anything-That-Moves, do you?" I asked her incredulously.

"No, of course not. But he was your first crush, and you've never really dated. It'd be nice if you could do some stuff with him."

"I've dated."

"Barely."

"It wasn't like I was popular in high school," I pointed out. "Guys didn't flock to me the way girls did to Kendall. I was lucky if I got asked to homecoming."

"But you're so pretty," Mom insisted. "I just don't get it."

"No, Mom, you don't get high school. College will probably be a little different."

"I hope so," she said, pursing her lips. "Teenagers are so mean and petty."

No shit.

"I'm going to head up to my room," I announced.

"Okay."

I left the kitchen and pounded up to my bedroom, closing my door behind me, and throwing myself on my bed.

Over the next few weeks, I barely saw James. I only saw him a couple of times, once at my favorite coffee shop, where I had run into him the first day he had been back in town, and the second time in my very own living room, when he and Kendall had stopped by to pick up a DVD that Kendall had left in the cabinet.

That was probably the biggest shock. I had just gotten home from going shopping for school supplies, when I realized that Kendall's car was in the driveway. So I had headed inside, and found Kendall and James kneeling on the floor, going through our DVD cabinet.

I cleared my throat.

Both boys turned around. Kendall smiled, and James slowly grinned. Cocky bastard.

"What're you guys doing here?" I asked.

"I'm looking for my _Spiderman_ DVDs," Kendall answered. "We were going to have a marathon at my place."

"Oh, goody."

"Want to come over?"

"Oh, well, gee, I would, except, I really don't."

Kendall made a disappointed face. "Are you sure? You love _Spiderman_."

"I'm sure."

Kendall sighed. "I'm going to head upstairs really quickly. I have a spare pair of earbuds up in my room."

James and I both nodded, and Kendall dashed up the stairs.

James turned to me. "Have you told anyone about the – "

"No," I said quickly. "Have you?"

"No."

There was a pause, and then he said, "So, we keep it that way? We don't tell _anyone_?"

I nodded in agreement. "It – it was just a stupid mistake."

"Absolutely."

"And we'll never do it again."

"Never."

Kendall returned about two seconds later with his earbuds stuffed in his pocket. "Ready to go?" he said to James, who nodded.

"Yep."

"See you later," Kendall directed at me.

"See you later."

The boys left, and I headed up to my room to put my shopping bags up in my room.

School began the next week. I was taking English 101, U.S History, and a basic psychology class. Those classes were actually pretty interesting, except for the fact that James was in my U.S history class. Not that it made U.S History any less interesting, but it did make it a little bit more annoying, since I had to see him every day.

We didn't say anything or even acknowledge each other, until Friday after class. I was packing up my notebook and pen, and checking my phone, when he approached me.

I ignored him. I was too busy reading a text from Jo: **Can't wait for tonight! Chad Fallon always throws THE best parties!**

I chuckled. Jo had convinced me to go to a party that night that one of her friends was hosting. She swore up and down that his parties were the absolute best.

"Hey." James had finally spoken.

I looked up at him. "Hey."

"Are you going to Chad Fallon's party tonight?"

I nodded. "Jo just texted me about that, actually. Anyway, yeah, I'm planning on it. Are you?"

"Yeah. I have something I need to do, but I'll definitely be there later."

"Oh. So I guess I'll probably see you there."

"Don't sound so excited," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Don't worry, I'm not."

"I'll just assume that that means that I've been in your dreams."

"My nightmares, maybe…"

"Well, as long as you're thinking about me…"

"You're a pig."

"Tell me something you haven't already said."

I threw him a nasty look as I slung my messenger bag over my shoulder. He just blew me a mocking kiss.

I really hated him.

When I got home, I found Mom in the living room, dressed in her waitress best. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Where are you going?" I asked, surprised, since it was only one in the afternoon.

"The restaurant has a catering gig," she explained to me. "For Brooke Diamond's annual late summer cocktail party. She's renting out Gilligan's for the event, and she wants the place completely redone for the evening, so we all have to go in really early."

I nodded, although my stomach was churning. My family wasn't rich by any means, the way the Diamonds were. Our house was decent sized, and we lived in a nice part of town, but we could never afford to rent out the restaurant/club that my mom worked at.

"Are you okay?" Mom asked me in concern.

I nodded again. "Yeah – yeah, of course. I'm great. Um, I'm going to a party tonight…Is that okay?"

"Yeah, of course. I don't think your father will be home anyway. He told me he had to work late."

"Okay."

"I made pasta salad, and there's sandwich fixings in the fridge."

"How long will you be out?"

"I don't know…Probably very late, though."

"Okay. I'm probably going to crash at Jo's or something."

"That's fine. Have fun."

"Thanks, you too."

She kissed my forehead, before heading out.

I made myself lunch, before going upstairs to get some of my homework out of the way. It wasn't until I had finished dinner that I realized that Dad probably didn't know that I wasn't going to be home tonight. I called his phone, but it went straight to voicemail. Frowning, I dialed his office phone number. His secretary picked up.

"Hey, this is Alex's daughter, Katie," I told her.

"Oh, hello, Katie, what can I do for you?"

"Could I speak to my dad, please?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, but he's already left the office."

"He – he did?"

"Yes. About fifteen minutes ago."

"That's funny. He told my mom he'd be working late."

"Perhaps he got his work out of the way," she suggested.

"Maybe…Well, thank you."

I hung up, and sighed. If Dad was on his way home, he should be here within the next ten minutes.

However, by the time I had finished getting ready for the party, he still wasn't home. I could feel something churning in my stomach, as I realized just why he may not be where he told Mom he'd be…

* * *

**James's POV**

"Just remember," Savannah said to me as we walked down the hospital hallway, "he looks pretty awful. He may not be awake," she added. "He almost never is when I visit him."

It had been two weeks since I had returned to Minnesota, and yet this was going to be my first time visiting my father in the hospital.

I couldn't help thinking, as we paused outside the door, if the reason why he was never awake when Savannah came to see him was because he simply didn't want to see her. I'd slept with her a couple more times since the first time, but each time I had regretted it fiercely afterwards. It wasn't a good feeling by any means, and I definitely didn't want to be anywhere near her right now. Maybe my dad was feeling the same way.

Savannah opened up the door, and we both stepped in. The ward he was in was a private one, with a TV and a window. Flowers sat in a vase on his nightstand, as did pictures of him and Savannah, and him and me. I was surprised. I hadn't realized he'd cared enough to keep pictures of me lying around his hospital room.

Dad was sitting up in his bed, watching a game show on TV. When he saw us come in, he muted the TV, and gave us both a tired smile. Savannah was right – he really did look pretty bad. He was thin, his skin was a yellowish kind of pale, and his eyes were lined with dark shadows.

"Look who I brought!" Savannah crowed to him.

"James…hi."

"Hi," I said back as I slowly walked towards him.

"You look good."

"Thanks…"

"Shame you can't say the same for me, eh?"

I shook my head.

I moved closer to him.

"You can sit down," he said, gesturing to the empty chair beside his bed.

I nodded and wordlessly sank down into the chair.

"So, how are you?" Dad asked me.

I shrugged. "Not too bad. I've been better. But then, I guess so have you."

He chuckled dryly.

It was weird, being in the same room with him after not seeing him for so long. It was especially awkward, because I had slept with his wife, and as far as I knew, he had no idea.

"So, how's school going? Sorry about making you up and leave LA…"

"Oh, it's, um, not a big deal. And school's going good."

"Good, good."

I nodded.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

I shook my head. "Not at the moment."

He continued to ask me questions, and I answered them, not feeling very responsive. It was beginning to settle in that my father had cancer, that he was dying, and probably wasn't going to live to see another year. Maybe I was going into shock. Maybe I was just sad. I don't know. But whatever it was, I felt like I spaced out the entire time I was there.

In some ways, it felt like the next thing I was aware of was Savannah pushing me onto the bed in hers and Dad's bedroom, back at the house.

"No," I mumbled.

"What?" she sounded confused.

"I can't – I can't do this with you." I pushed her away.

She rebounded quickly, nipping at my neck. "Yes you can. You need comfort. I'm here to provide it to you."

"I don't want this kind of comfort from you."

"Why not?"

I sat up, knocking her off of me. "Because you're my dad's wife, and he loves you, and he's in the hospital, dying. This isn't right."

"But – "

I stood up. "I'm leaving now. I'll see you later."

I marched out of the room, down the stairs, and to my truck. I climbed in, took a deep breath as I tried to get my whirling thoughts together, and drove to Chad Fallon's house.

It was 9:30 by the time I got there, and the party was in full swing. A Nickelback song was blaring through the house, and people were grinding up against each other, dancing.

I grabbed a beer, and began to make the rounds.

After about a half hour, my head was pounding, and I needed to get out into fresh air, away from the sweaty, smoky air.

There was a Jacuzzi out back, and people were stumbling around, drunk and high, yelling and laughing.

I saw a couple of girls in the Jacuzzi, one with long blonde hair, and one with long brown hair. They glanced around, and I recognized them instantly: Jo and Katie.

I walked over to them. "Hey. What's up?"

"Well, I was just about to go find Kendall," Jo said to me. "I just got a text from him."

"Okay."

She got out of the Jacuzzi, wrapped a towel around her body, snatched up her clothes, and headed inside, leaving me with Katie.

"Are you gonna get in?" she asked me.

"I guess…"

"You look a little stressed out," she commented. "Aren't Jacuzzis supposed to be good for relaxing?"

"You're acting really nice. Have you been drinking?"

She held up a plastic cup. "A little…But I'm still on my first one."

I held up my cup. "Same. But I've only been here for about a half hour."

She smiled a little. "Come on in."

I nodded and stripped, before climbing in. "Ooooh…"

"Feels good, right?"

"Soooo good…"

She giggled a little, and took a sip of her beer.

I closed my eyes, groaning in appreciation.

"So, why are you stressed?" she asked me.

"I went and saw my dad."

"Oh. How is he?"

"Bad. Really bad. He looks horrible, and he sounds so weak."

She slid closer to me, and put her hand on my arm. I had to remind myself that she was probably a tiny bit tipsy.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely. "This has to be so hard for you."

"I – I don't know. It just really hit me when I was there. I've never been even remotely close with my dad, but I don't want him to die. I don't want to lose him."

"I can imagine. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. It just hit me hard."

She nodded, and twisted around so that she could grab her phone off of the table right next to the Jacuzzi, to check the time. As she did so, I realized that she was wearing a bikini. I mean, I had already known that, but that's when it hit me, that she was half-naked…

Katie stretched out, and I couldn't help but watch her. I was physically, sexually, attracted to her…And considering the way she had kissed me back at the store, she felt the same about me. Well. I could do a lot with that.

She looked over at me. "You have a really weird look on your face."

"What? Oh…yeah…sorry, I was just thinking."

"Okaaay…"

Without thinking twice, I leaned over and pressed my lips to hers. Almost at once, she pushed me away. "James…what are you doing?"

"It's the alcohol."

"That's your excuse?"

"You don't like it?"

"It's lame."

"What's lame about it?"

"You're blaming your actions on the alcohol!"

"And what's lame about it?"

She face-palmed. "I give up…"

So I kissed her again. This time, she let me.

She tasted like beer and Jalapeño potato chips, and I had absolutely no complaints. I just wanted to keep kissing her, because as long as her lips were touching mine, my guilt and pain and sadness from the last few weeks seemed to seep out of me.

She clung to me like the same thing was happening to her. I pulled her even closer to me, and she crawled into my lap, kissing me with even more force.

She straddled me, and I wrapped my arms around her waist. I licked at her bottom lip, and she opened her mouth obligingly. I swept my tongue between her lips, exploring the crevices and hollows of her mouth.

She nipped at my lip, and I groaned.

"Oh my God!"

Katie and I pulled away from each other, in time to see Carlos standing in front of us, holding a bottle of beer, large brown eyes wide with shock and horror.

"What?" I cried, deciding to play dumb. Maybe we'd get lucky and he'd already be drunk.

"You two – you – you – lips…tongue…groping…"

"We were not groping each other!" Katie cried, straightening out her bikini top indignantly.

"Yeah, if we were groping each other, my hand would have been on her chest, and her hand would be on my – "

"Don't say it!" Carlos cried.

"Dick!"

"AAAAAGGGHHHH!"

I rolled my eyes. "Grow up. You're 21. You have one."

"You two were – were – making out – "

"Carlos," Katie said calmly. "You're drunk. We weren't making out. You have no idea what you saw."

"I saw you two making out!"

"Are you sure?" I wanted to know. "Maybe it was just some kind of freaky hallucination."

"Not even _my_ brain could come up with something that weird!"

"Are you sure? I mean, you are drunk…" I said, trailing off with a sad look at Katie, who nodded, lips pressed together.

"I'm not drunk!" Carlos protested.

"Prove it. Walk in a straight line," I challenged.

"I can't!"

"Then you're drunk."

"No! I'm just clumsy!"

"Are you sure? I mean, you are holding a beer after all…"

"I'm not drunk!"

"But you can't prove it," I pointed out.

"So?"

"So maybe you are drunk. I mean, you are seeing things after all. And really weird things too. Why the hell would Katie and I make out? We hate each other."

"That's true…"

"Exactly," Katie nodded. "James and I would never even _touch_ each other."

"I know…"

"That's just gross," she continued on. "I mean, he's a total ass. And he's a man whore. I could probably get an STD just from being in the same Jacuzzi as him. As a matter of fact – "

"I'm clean," I interrupted her James-bashing rant.

"That's shocking. Anyway," she turned back to Carlos, tucking her hair behind her ear with long, pink and black striped nails, "as I was saying – "

But Carlos shook his head. "If I'm drunk, then I need to go find a toilet, since I can't hold my liquor very well. I'll be throwing it up soon." He stumbled away back into the house, leaving me alone with Katie.

"Something we said?" I said to her, indicating Carlos and his exit.

But she pushed away from me completely. "You're sucking me into your sick, twisted world, and I want no part of it."

"You don't want to be part of the Diamond soap opera?"

She gave me a nasty look as she stood up, dripping wet. "Not in the least. You're an ass."

"But an adorable ass."

She glared at me. "The only thing adorable about you is your need to perform. And even that's more annoying than adorable."

"Uhhhh…" For once, I was at a loss for words.

She climbed out of the Jacuzzi, and reached for her towel, using it to dry her body off. "I hate you," she told me. "I really do. I have no idea why I let you kiss me, but it won't be happening again. You repulse me," she spat as she pulled her clothes on.

"Katie – "

"Save it. I won't be one of your tramps. I actually have dignity."

"Yeah, I got that when you crawled into my lap!" I called after her.

She grabbed an empty beer bottle and threw it at my head. I ducked, and it landed in the water.

She stormed into the house, slamming the sliding door behind her.

Well. That hadn't gone so well.

* * *

**Katie's POV**

I hate him. I fucking hate him. He's always brought out the absolute worst in me, and apparently I hadn't grown out of it, considering I had just thrown a beer bottle at his head.

Oops.

I blame the beer for my decision to let him make out with me. I don't drink very often, but after what I had just found out about my dad, I had just wanted an escape.

And James had ended up being another type of escape for me. For a few short minutes, nothing mattered, except him. I forgot about everything that was happening with my family. And honestly? It had been nice. It had been nice to just forget, to not feel any pain for a couple of minutes.

I stalked into the kitchen, where Logan was.

"Why does Carlos think he's drunk?" he asked me as he pulled out a bottle of ginger ale from the fridge, and a glass from the cabinet.

"Because he is?" I suggested, even though it was a total lie.

"He had one beer."

"He's a lightweight."

"He says he thinks he saw you and James doing something."

"It was a hallucination."

"Was it really? Or did you two just convince him that it was?"

I looked at him for a long moment. "You decide."

He sighed. "I have to go bring this up to Carlos. He's convinced he's going to start vomiting any second."

"Okay."

"You and James ought to be ashamed of yourselves for manipulating Carlos like that."

"I am," I assured Logan. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. And James only kissed me. That's it."

"I hope so, for both of your sakes. Because the second you two fuck, everything's going to go to hell."

"I know. And believe me, it won't happen. We hate each other. We just had a moment of insanity."

"Okay. Good." He nodded, and then left the kitchen, leaving me by myself.

I set to work making myself a pot of coffee. I really just wanted to get out of here now, but if I had made out with James Diamond, then I probably wasn't okay to drive. So I needed to sober up quickly, and coffee was the quickest way I knew to do that, if the rumors were true, anyway.

The coffee had just finished brewing when who should drag himself into the kitchen but James Diamond? His hair was ruffled, his jeans hanging low on his hips, and the annoyed look in his eyes actually made him look sexy…

No! Bad Katie! Very bad!

I couldn't think of him like that. That's how girls ended up being another one night stand to him. And I wouldn't be one of those girls.

"You made coffee?" James asked me, sounding a little gruff.

"Yeah. I want to head out, but I might be a little tipsy."

"Yeah, that's why you kissed me back, right?"

"It's the only reason I kissed you back."

"You threw a beer bottle at me. Thanks for that, by the way."

I shrugged. "You deserve it. You're a manhandling pig."

"I guess I should just count myself lucky that you didn't break it over my head."

I smirked. "Yeah, you should."

"You're violent."

"What else is new?"

He rolled his eyes, and poured himself a mug of coffee. He took a sip, and closed his eyes. "I needed that…"

"It's been a long day, huh?"

"You have no idea."

"You never know."

"What?" he opened his eyes to look at me.

"Nothing. I didn't say anything."

"Yes you did."

"No, I really didn't."

"Yes, you really did."

"Stop telling me that I said something!"

"Stop pretending that you didn't!"

"Stop being an ass!"

"Stop being a bitch!"

I grabbed an empty glass from the table, and hurtled it at James. He ducked, and it shattered against the cabinet behind him. He grabbed me by my shoulders and shoved me up against the wall, hard enough for the glass shelves, holding figurines, to rattle. I felt my body bounce against the wall slightly.

I gasped in shock, before glaring at him furiously. "Let me go, you fucking bastard!"

"Stop throwing stuff at me!"

"Stop saying stupid stuff!"

"Just stop throwing bottles and glasses at me!" he growled, still pinning me to the wall.

I struggled against him, my hands on his chest, trying to shove him away. "Just go to hell!"

"Save me a seat?"

"Sure, but you'll get there before I do. Tell the devil I say hey."

"Will do."

I fought against him some more, but he was unrelenting. He pinned my hands above my head, and just stared down at me, eyes dark and smoldering. My hair was in my face, and I was panting heavily, my chest heaving.

And then James crushed his lips to mine, and I kissed him back, all thoughts of reason and logic and practicality flying right out of my head.

Within seconds, he had lifted me up, hands on my ass to support me, and my lips were working fiercely against his.

We somehow or other managed to make it up to one of the bedrooms. He kicked the door closed behind us and locked it, before dropping me on the bed and crawling over me, kissing me again.

I ripped his shirt off as he pulled mine off. I undid his jeans and pushed them down.

His eyes locked with mine. The time for thinking and common sense was over.

* * *

**(Present Day)**

James looked over at me. "Ahhh…fond memories," he said lovingly.

I rolled my eyes. "And to think, it all started because I threw a glass at you."

"You always did have a temper."

"That much never changed."

"Thank goodness."

I looked at him questioningly, and he just shook his head, smiling a little.

"Well, you shoved me up against a wall," I reminded him. "You weren't exactly gentle either."

"Very true. Gentleness is not one of my strong points."

"You think?"

He grinned. "You got a problem with that?"

"Nope. Not in the least."

"Good."

There was a pause, as a car rumbled by on the street below the balcony, and it gave me a few seconds to get my thoughts together.

However, even as I was forming my next thought, James spoke.

"Do you remember the next morning?"

I nodded wordlessly.

He looked back at me. "I still remember the look on your face when you realized what we had done…"

"I still remember how I felt when I woke up…" I closed my eyes, letting the memory flood my brain.

* * *

_**Sooo...intense? Fast-paced? I'm not particularly in love with this chapter, but hopefully you guys liked it okay.**_

_**If the scene in the kitchen disturbed anyone, I want to clear that up. It won't be an abusive relationship, and James didn't actually hurt Katie, and he never would, not physically.**_

_**Anyway, reviews? Please? *Blinks hopefully* I want to hear what you guys think, and if you liked this chapter or not. :) Oh, and if anyone wants to contact me semi-directly, you can either PM me, or hit me up on twitter: ScienceFantasy1 :)**_


	5. Chapter 4 The Aftermath

**_Chapter 4 is finally up! Whooo!_**

_Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Big Time Rush._  


**_Warnings: Language and sexual innuendos._**

**_misslittlemaslow: Thank you so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Good, I wasn't sure about that particular scene in the kitchen, I was a little nervous about it. Thank you again, and thank you for reviewing :)_**

**_Bella15: I'm sorry you hate to wait so long, but thank you for reviewing!_**

**_And thank you to everyone who has reviewed or alerted this story! That means so much to me!_**

**_I'm so sorry it took me so long to update this story! I've been super busy lately, but I finally pushed myself to finish this chapter :) And I'm sorry if it kind of falls off towards the end. I have a slight cold and I'm really tired, so my brain isn't functioning so well at the moment. But I really hope you enjoy the chapter!_**

* * *

_**Chapter 4 The Aftermath**_

**Katie's POV**

I awoke a few hours later, curled up in a ball against a large, warm, muscular body. With my brain still about two-thirds asleep, I snuggled in closer to him.

I felt an arm wrap around me, pulling me up against him, and I smiled a little, feeling safe and warm and happy.

And then I remembered who I was snuggling with.

I screamed.

"Holy fuck!" James yelped, pulling away from me. "You sound like a fucking banshee!"

I yanked the sheets up past my chest. "We had sex!"

"No shit. I thought we were playing house."

I smacked him. "We had sex, James! We had sex!"

"You keep saying it like you think something will somehow change."

I grabbed his shoulders and shook him. "How can you be so calm about this? Oh my God! I let your dick inside me!" I screamed again.

"You didn't mind at the time," he grumbled, covering his ears. "You were the one who was screaming for more."

"Oh please, you almost came prematurely."

"Well, if you weren't screaming a _James_ and _fuck_ every five seconds – "

"Oh, like you were any better," I retorted. "You seemed to feel the need to inform me of just how _fucking tight_ I was every three seconds."

"You were virgin tight. If it wasn't for the lack of hymen, I would have thought you were one," he replied with a shrug, clearly not ashamed.

"Yeah, that makes two of us…"

"What?"

"Nothing."

He looked at me for a long moment, and then snuggled back under the covers. "Go back to sleep. It's too early – or late – for this."

"What time is it?" I whined.

"I don't know. I can't check the time, because my phone is in my jeans, which you so graciously ripped off last night. But it feels early. And if it feels really early, than it is."

I rolled my eyes at his insane logic.

"Now, do you _really_ want to leave this nice, warm bed?" he asked me.

Not really…

He smirked at me obnoxiously. I really wanted to slap that look off his face.

"Just go back to sleep," I growled.

"Fine with me."

I huffed beside him.

James raised his body up. "This might just be my exhaustion talking, but you're sexy when you're pissed."

"Fuck off."

"Or I could just _get_ off on you…"

"Crude."

"Does that shock you?"

"Not really."

The next thing I knew, he was hovering over me.

I looked up at him. "What – what are you doing?"

He smirked. "Helping you get to sleep." And he kissed me.

The sun was seeping through the curtains when I woke up next. I groaned, as the events from the night before came back into my mind.

I gave into him…twice…

James was still sound asleep, laying beside me. He looked almost…sweet…and peaceful…asleep…I smiled a little, remembering all those times he had slept over at my house before everything had gone down with us. I would sometimes crawl into his sleeping back with him, and he would sing me to sleep.

I missed those days.

I pushed the covers back on my side, and climbed out of bed quietly. I quickly got dressed, and slipped out of the room. I was sore from the night before, and walking was a little bit harder than what I would have liked, but I stumbled down the stairs anyway, not really caring.

People were passed out all over the living room, and I crept through the bodies of drunken idiots. I reached the front door, and walked outside.

It was still fairly early, and no one was outside, so I was able to walk to my car without seeing anyone who I knew.

I climbed in, beginning to breathe heavily, trying to get my thoughts together. I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I glanced up at the house. Obviously sleeping with James had been a huge mistake…We had both had bad days, and we just needed some comfort.

Nothing like comfort sex between enemies.

Biting hard on my lip, and growling under my breath, I opened my purse and dug out my keys. I put them in the ignition and started the car. I slammed the gears into drive, and pulled away from the curb, my temper rising.

The silence was torment, leaving me to my thoughts, letting them echo through my head like a shout through a cave, making my head ache.

I turned the radio on and flipped it to my favorite alternative station.

Icon For Hire's song _Get Well_ was playing:

_We throw tantrums like parties__  
We're not happy 'til everyone knows we're sick__  
And that's just how we like it__  
We've hurt bad enough, right, we've earned it_

Don't tell the others but it's all getting old

_I mean how many more times must our stories be told?__  
And being lonely's only fun in a group__  
It sort of loses it's charm when it's true_

I meant it when I said I wanna get well, I wanna get well

_Are the rest of you so content, stay where you are but it hurts like help__  
And I'm sure it's fun at first, test your pulse and check your vitals__  
If it's only a game you lost me, I quit it with the suicidal recital_

So now you know all my secrets

_I want out, I know I don't need this__  
Can you find me friends that don't rank me on what I've been through__  
The more battle scars the more attention it gets you__: i/icon+for+hire/get+well_ ]__  
Don't tell the others but it's all getting old__  
I mean how many more times must our stories be told?__  
And being lonely's only fun in a group__  
It sort of loses it's charm when it's true_

I meant it when I said I wanna get well, I wanna get well

_Are the rest of you so content, stay where you are but it hurts like help__  
And I'm sure it's fun at first, test your pulse and check your vitals__  
If it's only a game you lost me, I quit it with the suicidal recital_

Yeah we should've known it would end this way

_What did you expect, pretend it all away__  
And all we've got left is a sorry pile of hearts__  
I'm getting out, gonna write myself a new start__  
Come on dry your eyes, meet me on the other side__  
Run as fast as you can and we'll make it out alive__  
We know better now, we don't have to live like this__  
Go tell them all we don't have to live like this_

I meant it when I said I wanna get well, I wanna get well

_Are the rest of you so content, stay where you are but it hurts like help__  
And I'm sure it's fun at first, test your pulse and check your vitals__  
If it's only a game you lost me, I quit it with the suicidal recital_

If it's only a game you lost me, I quit it with the suicidal recital

.

I turned the radio up as loud as I dared to, and let the music drown out my thoughts. It was a heady relief from the ferocious thoughts that had been attacking me. Damn James and all his sex appeal. I blamed his perfect body and his voice and his eyes and his face for my weakness. It was his fault. If he hadn't gone around flaunting how hot he was, I never would have ended up in bed with him. It was just that simple.

His fault. Not mine. All his fault. I was simply manipulated. That's what it was. He manipulated me. He had been determined to get in bed with me, and he had used his patented James Diamond charm on me.

My jaw fell open. That fucking fucker! I had been a James Diamond victim! I had been another notch on his bedpost! I had become one of the girls who I made fun of on a regular basis! Unbelievable! Un-fucking-believable!

The more I thought about it, the angrier I became, at both him and me. I had been the victim of a player, and I had let myself be one. I wasn't a victim. I was a fighter. A survivor. I was too cynical and jaded to be a victim. I wasn't one of those girls who melted the second he smiled at them. I didn't go around wearing a bikini two sizes too small. I didn't wear bras that practically forced my boobs out of my shirt.

I wasn't one of those girls. I couldn't be. That wasn't me. That wasn't who I was. Yet it had happened to me, and that didn't make any sense.

God.

Was I ever going to have any good memories when it came to sex?

I pulled up in front of my house, parked the car, and got out. My mom's car was in the driveway, but Dad's wasn't. I wondered if he had even come home the night before.

I headed into the house. The lights were off, and there was a note on the coffee table in the living room_: Went out to breakfast with your dad. See you when we get home. Love, Mom_.

I smiled a little. If they were going out to lunch, that could only mean that they were trying to work things out, right? That they still wanted to be around each other, and that they loved each other.

It was nice to think that after all this insanity, after everything that had been happening in our family and in my life, that there was some semblance of normalcy, that not everything was going to shit.

After the heady relief I had experienced with James, it was nice to get back to reality, to come back down to a world that no longer appeared to be on the brink of World War III.

It occurred to me that I probably smelled like booze, smoke, and sex, and I quickly scurried up the stairs to shower, tossing my purse into my room on my way to the bathroom.

But once I was in the bathroom, I was finally able to take in the mild pain in certain parts of my body, thanks to James. Fine. Everything I had heard about his dick size was true. It'd have to be, considering that it constantly overpowered his brain.

I sighed and got to scrubbing the tub, before plugging the drain and running the water for a bath. I dumped Sweet Pea bubble bath in, and left the room to go and grab a book, one that didn't require any thinking.

I browsed around my bookshelf until I settled on one of Janet Evanovich's _Stephanie Plum_ novels. I pulled it off of the bookshelf, just as my phone beeped, from where it was in my purse, on my bed.

I sighed. I really didn't want to talk to anyone right now, but it could have been my mom or dad, texting me about something they needed me to do.

I crossed my room to my bed, pulled my phone out of my purse, and checked the message. It was from James: **You made a run for it. Couldn't face the music?**

That. Fucking. Ass.

My brain was foggy and groggy, and no matter how long I stared at the message, I couldn't come up with a halfway decent retort. So I threw my phone to the side, and headed back into the bathroom, where the tub had filled up nicely, and then some.

I shut the water off, and sank down into the tub, closing my eyes as I felt my muscles begin to relax. Ooooh…so much better…

I opened the book to begin reading, but James was still on my mind. The night before kept replaying in my mind. The look in his eyes. The way he touched me. The feeling of his body against mine.

My breathing picked up, and I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to force those thoughts out of my head. I needed him out of my mind, _now_. I hated him, and yet he could still do this to me. _How_?

I finally gave up on relaxing, and instead began to wash the dried sweat and Jacuzzi water from my body and hair. Somewhere in the very back of my mind, I realized that by rights, I should be wanting to scrub off every bit of skin that had come into contact with James. I should be completely disgusted. I was, but not in the way that I should have been.

Maybe it had just been one of those things. You know, experimentation. There had always been a part of me that had wondered what it would be like to be with James. Well, I had gotten my answer. And sadly, it wasn't an answer I particularly liked.

I splashed around in the tub for a few more minutes, before unplugging the drain, standing up, and wrapping a thick towel around me.

Ten minutes later, just as I had finished dressing in flannel pajama pants and a white tank top. I could hear my parents' voices downstairs, and I knew that they had come home.

I walked down the stairs to find them sitting in the living room, talking.

"Hey," I greeted them, joining them.

"Hi, sweetie," Mom replied, wrapping her arm around me. "How was the party?"

"It was fine," I answered. "Nothing special."

She nodded, and I curled up next to her.

"How was breakfast?" I asked them.

"It was fine," Dad replied.

"So…nothing special?"

"Eh, the food was okay."

But I hadn't been asking about the food…

Mom pulled away from me. "Have you eaten yet?"

In answer, my stomach growled.

"I'll make you something to eat," she said to me, getting up and heading for the kitchen.

"Oh, ummm…thanks…"

Apparently breakfast really hadn't gone well at all…

The rest of the weekend was quiet. My parents seemed to be talking to each other a little bit more, which, after weeks of silence, felt like a miracle straight out of the bible. Mom relaxed a tiny bit on the housekeeping, and on the cooking, which meant that on Sunday night, she actually ordered pizza. She invited Kendall over for a 'family movie night', which he joined, occasionally sending me smug looks that plainly said, _See? I told you nothing was going on. Everything's fine._

Sure, Kendall, it wasn't like I just spent the last month in abject misery thanks to them. After all, big brother knows best.

We spent the evening watching the first two _Harry Potter_ movies.

We had just finished up with _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_ when Kendall turned to me.

"James asked me about you earlier today."

I immediately stiffened; my mother, on the other hand, smirked. My dad just shook his head. "James Diamond…You know, his father's in the hospital, suffering from lung cancer, right?"

We all nodded.

"That's the only reason he came back home."

"At least he came back to Canton Lake," Kendall pointed out. "He didn't have to at all."

"His mother probably guilt tripped him into it."

"He doesn't have much reason to really care what happens to his dad. Mr. Diamond was always a jerk to James."

"I don't blame Ben…"

Kendall's jaw clenched. "You know, he never gave a damn about what James was interested in, not even hockey. He came to exactly one of our games, and then cornered James after the game to tell him all the stuff that he did wrong, even though we won the game _because_ of James."

"That's horrible," I said, feeling slightly bad for James.

Dad shrugged. "James was always a screw up. A dreamer."

"Because he wanted to follow his own dreams?" I demanded, sitting straight up.

Dad looked over at me. "His dreams were pipe dreams."

"He just wanted out of Canton Lake."

"He had everything here. What more could he want?"

"Maybe a life that was his…"

Dad chuckled, and patted my knee. "Don't talk about things you know nothing about." He got to his feet, stretching. "I'm off to bed."

I watched him, my own jaw clenching, just like Kendall's.

Dad was wrong. I knew exactly what I was talking about. I wanted out of Canton Lake as badly as James did. I knew I wanted to follow my dreams, open my own business. Dad had already pretty much told me that I had no hope of that, not in Canton Lake, and now he didn't even see the point of leaving this town…

This town was where his life was. But I wanted out. I was going to get out.

Once Dad had disappeared up the stairs, Kendall turned to me. "Don't take it personally, Kat. He's just never liked James…"

"I don't particularly like James either, but I don't think James deserved to be treated the way he was by his dad. And he had every right to get out of this fucking town, where no one moves up, where everyone just stays, completely staccato."

"Been practicing your speech for your campaign as mayor?"

"Just shut up." I stood up too. "I'm going to bed. I might see you tomorrow."

"Katie…"

I headed for the stairs.

"James wanted to know if you were going to have lunch with us tomorrow," Kendall called after me.

I paused. "I never do. Why would I? I don't like him."

"He said you two talked at the party on Friday."

Yeah…amongst doing other things…such as each other…

"Oh…yeah…kind of…"

Kendall shrugged. "I guess he wants to get to know you now."

That in itself was weird, because he never wanted to get to know the girls he slept with. And as far as I knew, he never texted them afterwards…Granted, the text he had sent me had been mocking, but it was still a text, still an acknowledgement of my existence.

"Oh."

"So, are you going to?"

"I don't know…"

"Okay. Well, think about it. James is going through a really hard time right now, and he could really use a new friend."

I didn't have the heart to tell him that the last thing James and I were going to become would be friends. So I just nodded, told him goodnight, and headed up the stairs to my room.

I had an hour between eleven AM and twelve PM, when my history class began, and that also happened to be the time when the guys would converge in the cafeteria. The week before, I had spent that free period in the library, doing homework, but today I made my way to the cafeteria, wondering what the hell I was thinking.

This would be my first time seeing James since very early Saturday morning. I had never replied to his text, mainly because I couldn't think of what to say.

I mean, what do you say to someone you hate, but still had a one-nighter with? _I had a really great time, we should never do it again_?

No. Just no.

I ended up getting myself a foil-wrapped cheeseburger and a Jell-O, and headed away from the lunch line to go find the guys.

They were sitting at a large round table, chatting. I nervously made my way over there.

Everyone paused, and looked up at me as I approached the table, making me feel like I was a lame ninth grader, about to try to sit at a cool senior's lunch table.

I waved at them. "Hey."

Everyone, even James, smiled back at me. Kendall pulled out an empty chair for me, between him and James. Naturally.

I set my stuff on the table, sat down, and scooted my chair closer to Kendall, away from James. As much as I hated to admit it, James had begun to invade my thoughts and dreams, ever since Saturday morning. It was driving me crazy, but the way I had it figured, the more distance I kept between us, the better.

So this lunch table arrangement wasn't working into my plans too well.

Logan passed me hand sanitizer. The others rolled their eyes, but I squeezed some onto my hands and rubbed my palms together. "Thanks, Logie."

"Not a problem." He took the hand sanitizer back.

"I'm surprised you didn't try to get her a small pox vaccination while you were at it," James commented dryly.

"I don't have a bag big enough for the equipment…"

"Joke, Logan, it was a joke…"

"I know that…"

Kendall and Carlos just shook their heads, and went back to eating.

I unwrapped my cheeseburger and took a bite out of it. Not bad. I'd had worse.

"So, Carlos, how bad was your hangover?" James asked him.

Carlos blinked at him. "Huh?"

"On Friday night, you got drunk. You couldn't walk in a straight line."

"Oh yeah, and I thought I saw you and Katie making out and groping each other in the Jacuzzi."

"WHAT?" Kendall screamed.

For the last time, James and I weren't groping each other…That came later, when we were alone in someone's bedroom. My eyes glazed over at the memory.

"Oh, no, I was just drunk," Carlos assured Kendall. "I got drunk off of a beer."

Kendall blinked at him. "One beer?"

"Yep. I ended up in the bathroom, trying to puke into the toilet, but I couldn't. It was really weird."

"Maybe the alcohol was bad," James suggested. "Or the beer was? I don't know…Hey, Logie, does beer have an expiration date?"

"I don't know…Probably…"

"Can you look it up?"

"I'm eating."

"Yeah, a pile of lettuce."

"I'm going vegetarian!"

I looked up at him, chewing on my cheeseburger. "Why?" I asked, my mouth full.

"Because it's healthier."

"Sucks for you."

"You and James are both eating heart attacks waiting to happen."

James shoveled a handful of greasy fries into his mouth. "Do I look like I give a shit?"

"Noooo…"

"Good, then I'm not giving you the wrong impression."

Logan huffed indignantly. I took another bite of my cheeseburger, and chewed slowly, observing him. He face was becoming redder by the second, and his eyebrows knitted together. Apparently James and I were annoying him.

Darn.

James offered me his plate of fries. "Want some?" He nodded slightly towards Logan. In other words, he was asking me, _Wanna make Logan's head explode_?

"Sure. I'm only eating half of a heart attack meal. I want to make sure this heart attack goes right."

"I'd be only too happy to help you with that."

"You're so sweet."

"Right? You know, I won sweetheart of the year."

"Was that for a Punk'd contest?"

"V-Man, actually."

"Ah, a magazine where you can show off your abs. That'd explain how you won…"

"I'm sexy and I know it."

"Tell that to LMFAO."

"I did. They agreed."

I could believe it…Not that I was going to say it.

I grabbed some of the fries off of the paper plate and stuffed them into my mouth.

James grinned widely.

"So…you two didn't hook up?" Kendall asked James and me.

James eyed him. "Noooo…didn't we already confirm that? Carlos drank expired beer."

"We don't know if it was expired or not," Logan called from across the table, where he was forking small bites of lettuce and carrots into his mouth.

"Shut it, Porky The Pig."

Logan snorted. "_You're_ call _me_ a pig?"

"Yes. Now shut up."

"So…Carlos imagined the whole thing?" Kendall asked James and me, eyes narrowed like he didn't really believe us.

"Can you imagine _us_ making out and groping each other?" I pointed back and forth between James and me.

"Good point."

James and I nodded together. Liars. We were a couple of liars.

Was it bad that suddenly I wanted to push him into an empty bathroom and have my way with him?

YES! It wasn't going to happen again! No. Way. In. Hell.

I finished off my cheeseburger, and started in on my Jell-O. James shifted beside me, crumpling up his plate, and throwing it into the nearest garbage can, ten feet away. It soared right in, and he fist-pumped.

"Ten points!" he cheered.

I rolled my eyes as I spooned the Jell-O into my mouth. Even more proof that people don't change.

I finished my Jell-O, and James reached for my garbage. He crumpled everything together, and chucked it into the trash. He grinned triumphantly.

I rolled my eyes again.

James turned to me. "Ready to head to history?"

"Just as long as you don't try to throw my notes in the trash…"

"So overdramatic…"

"Let's just go."

We packed our stuff up, and headed off to the social sciences building.

"Kendall's suspicious," James stated as we moved across campus.

I glanced at him. "Not really…Carlos just freaked him out."

"Does Logan know?"

"He knows we kissed in the Jacuzzi…He was taking care of Carlos at the party, and he guilted me into admitting it."

"Ah."

"I told him it wouldn't happen again."

"That was a lie."

"Not intentionally!" I cried. "You just – just – "

"Just what?"

"Attacked me…"

"I did not!"

"Well, no…but it kind of came out of nowhere…"

"A lot of things came out of nowhere, Katie…" From the look in his eyes, I could tell he wasn't talking about anything general…

I turned to face him. "It was a mistake…"

"Agreed. A hot one, but a mistake nonetheless."

"Exactly."

We kept on walking.

"You never texted me back," he commented.

"Oh…yeah…"

"Well?"

"You were being a smart ass fucker. Why would I dignify that with a response?"

"It's polite…?"

"Not in the least. You weren't being polite to me, so why should I be polite to you?"

"Touché."

"So…it'll never happen again?"

"Hell if I know."

I looked at him again.

He looked back at me. "What? We can't predict the future. It could happen again five minutes from now, for all we know."

"But it won't…"

"Probably not, because by that time, by rights, we should be in the classroom. But it could. I could pull you behind a building or into a bathroom stall, and fuck you right then and there."

I shifted, biting hard on my lip.

James smirked widely, as he realized that his words had hit me right where I really wished they hadn't…

"Shut up," I snapped. "You're a pig."

"Wow, not like I've ever heard that name from you…"

I sped up, eager to get away from him and that damn tongue of his.

He laughed, following me. "Come on, we're both adults here. We can have a perfectly normal _adult_ conversation."

"I'm ignoring you."

"How's that going for you?"

"You keep talking…"

"So, not that well?"

I huffed in annoyance as I stepped into the Social Science building, and made a straight beeline for the classroom. James kept a few feet away from me, still cackling.

I took my seat in the front of the classroom, without looking behind me – he always sat in the back. Only this time, he plopped down in the empty seat next to me.

I refused to say anything, much less acknowledge him. He'd get the message.

In a parallel universe.

"So, finish the reading?" he asked me as we pulled out our notebooks and pens.

"Yep."

"Pretty interesting shit, huh?"

"Uh huh."

"You don't really want to talk to me, do you?"

"Nope."

"Tough luck."

I groaned. Great. Now he was going to sit here for the rest of the class, annoying the hell out of me.

Apparently someone up there heard my murderous thoughts, because they decided that I'd had enough bad luck recently, and granted me a miracle: After about thirty seconds of complete silence, James got up, and moved to his usual seat in the back.

Thank goodness.

* * *

**James's POV**

Annoying Katie's always fun. But when she isn't responding, then it gets to be a little boring. Which is why I ended up leaving her alone. Plus, I think she was contemplating killing me, so staying in the seat next to hers would not have been in my best interest.

The professor had barely dismissed the class when Katie was out the door like a tiny little rocket, long dark hair whipping everywhere, as she raced out.

Whoa. Do they have rockets-in-training now or something?

I packed my bag up, and headed out too, not even trying to catch up with Katie. Obviously, she didn't want to talk to me, and honestly, I didn't really feel like forcing my company on her at the moment.

So, instead, I made a straight beeline for my car. I got in, and drove back to my house – or, my mother's house, anyway.

Mom was in the living room, going through paperwork. She looked up when I walked through the front door.

"How was class?" she asked me.

"Fine."

"Good. I need you to go over to your father's and stepmother's."

"Why?"

"I need you to take some food over to her. She's so busy, I don't think she has time to buy groceries."

I blinked. "Okay…"

She handed me a couple of plastic bags, laden with bread, soup cans, vegetables, and noodles.

I brought them out to my car, and got in.

I drove over to Savannah's, parked, and headed up to the front door. I rang the bell.

She opened the door a few seconds later.

I held out the bags to her. "My mom sent me. She wants to make sure you have food in the house."

Savannah smiled and took them from me. "That's sweet of her."

"Yeah…"

"Would you like to come in?"

I shook my head. "I have to get home. Homework and stuff."

"Ah. Of course. I was just thinking, it's been a little while since we…you know…"

I gave her a long look. "You're my step-mother. I should have never been sleeping with you in the first place. It was wrong. Wronger than wrong."

"_Wronger_ isn't a word."

"I don't really care." I turned around and headed towards my pickup.

She huffed, and slammed the front door shut. I shrugged, and just climbed into the pickup. I started it, and headed back home.

* * *

**James's POV [Cont.]**

"Well, I'm proud of you," Katie said to me.

"For what?" I asked.

"For telling her _no_ twice."

I shrugged. "She wasn't tempting. Not in the least."

"Why not?"

I shrugged again. "Why do you think?"

"I don't know, that's why I asked."

I sighed. "You'll find out soon…"

"Okay…"

There was silence as we stared out the window.

"So…" she finally spoke. "What happened next?"

I turned to look at her. "Something that neither of us wanted or expected."

* * *

**_What'd you guys think? Was it any good? I'm sorry if it was slightly disappointing. Once again, I'm kinda sick, so I'm not thinking as clearly as I could be. Anyway, the review button's lonely again, and it needs some company, so drop me a review and let me know what you think :)_**


	6. Chapter 5 The Real Beginning

**_Wow...it's a miracle! Chapter five is finally up! I'm so sorry for the wait, but I hope this chapter will be worth it._**

**_Misslittlemaslow: Thank you so much! You're always so sweet :) I'm so happy you enjoyed it! And thank you for reviewing, it means a lot!_**

**_Bella15: Don't worry, you didn't! I knew what you meant. And thank you for reviewing! I really appreciate it :)_**

**_And a huge thank you to everyone who's read, favorited, and followed (apparently story alerting is out) this story! It means so much! Love you guys!_**

**_Enjoy the chapter :)_**

* * *

**Chapter 5 The Real Beginning**

**James's POV [Cont.]**

The next morning dragged by slowly. I downed my usual mug of coffee before I left for school, and made sure to get another cup of coffee once I had arrived on campus.

I got through my first two morning classes, and headed to the cafeteria. Logan was already sitting at our regular table, eating a salad, with textbooks and notebooks spread out around him.

I grabbed a sandwich and a bottle of water, and joined him. "Lots of homework?"

"Just the usual," he answered with a pencil between his teeth.

"Maybe this is just my imagination, but aren't you supposed to be eating actual food at lunch, instead of lead?"

He glanced up at me. "Smartass."

"Got a problem with that?"

"Just the usual."

I chuckled, as Kendall and Carlos joined us.

"Is Katie gonna eat with us?" I asked Kendall.

"I hope so. Lunch seems to be the only time I get to see her now."

"You miss her?" I spoke through a mouthful of sandwich.

"Like crazy."

"You could move back home…" I suggested.

"I could…But I like living on my own. And Katie will be moving out soon. I don't even know why she's still living at home. I think she's trying to solve our parents' problems."

I blinked. "Your parents are having problems?"

He nodded. "According to Katie, they are. Apparently they fight a lot. I haven't seen a lot of evidence of that, though, but it's a possibility. My dad's a total ass. I got into a fight with him on Sunday night."

"Oh. That sucks."

"Tell me about it." He took an angry bite of the hotdog he was eating.

"So, you and your dad don't get along very well?" I asked him cautiously.

"Nope. He doesn't get along with _anyone_ anymore. I don't know how Mom and Katie put up with him."

"Well, it's not easy," Katie informed him as she sat down in-between us. "But basically, he just doesn't

have a real conversation with us. He asks the most basic, general questions, and then doesn't give out any real information when we ask him stuff."

"So, you don't really learn anything about him? No details?"

"Right," she answered, picking up her crispy chicken ranch wrap. "It's like he wants to keep everything robotic."

I nodded. I knew how that went. That had basically been my dad's and my relationship since I was twelve. "That sucks."

"Big time," she agreed, before taking a bite of her wrap. "I just wish he would show some personality, you know? I mean, even if he completely hated us, at least I'd know that he actually felt strongly about something. Other than work, I mean."

I nodded again, feeling strangely sympathetic with her. I knew what it was like to have a parent who didn't really give a damn about what was going on in your life. My mom didn't even always seem to care, although she had still always been a better parent than my father.

Katie sighed, finishing off her sandwich wrap.

I glanced at Kendall, waiting for him to say something encouraging or empathetic to her, but he was too busy messing with his phone.

It's pretty bad when the enemy cares more about what's happening in the girl's life then her big brother.

Logan had turned back to his books, still eating, as he jotted down information into his notebook. Carlos, apparently bored with the conversation, had his iPod out, and was blasting 3Oh!3 from it. He was singing along and shaking what his mama gave him to _My First Kiss_.

Kendall and Logan studiously ignored him.

Katie tossed the plastic that her sandwich wrap had come in, into the trash can, and began to twist her hair into a ponytail, never actually binding it with the hair scrunchy she kept on her wrist. It was the only real sign that she was uncomfortable or bored. Probably both.

Since everyone else was busy, and we still had a few minutes before we needed to leave for class, I figured I might as well strike up another conversation with her.

"How're your other classes?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "They could be worse. English 101 is actually pretty easy. We just have to write a one-thousand word paper on a topic of the professor's choice each week. And Psychology 100 is pretty interesting, although it can be hard, to keep all the terms and stuff down."

I nodded. "Which professor do you have for English? I had Murphy, and she's really good."

"Yeah, that's who I have. She has different formats that we have to write the papers in, like MLA. And next week we're gonna start on research papers. I really hope we get a good topic that's interesting, and not something boring, like, the life cycle of a worm."

I chuckled. "She won't assign that. She'll probably give you guys a famous person or an event to do your paper on. She assigns the topics individually, so your paper won't be like twenty other people's."

"Good. She keeps saying that individuality is really important, so I hope she lives up to that."

"She does."

"And your classes?" she asked me. "How're they?"

"Can't complain. The acting workshop I'm taking is a lot of fun, and Music Appreciation is really interesting."

"What do you do in Music Appreciation?"

"We study an era of music for a week or two, and then we listen to examples of the music."

"Very cool."

"It is."

There was a pause, during which the iPod, and Carlos, switched to _Touchin' On My_. Okay. Time to go.

Katie apparently had the same idea as me, because she looked at me again. "Come on, we better get to class."

I nodded, and began packing everything up into my backpack. We stood up, our chairs scraping against the cement floor, alerting the others that we were making our escape.

"Take lots of notes," Logan reminded us.

"Don't fall asleep!" Carlos advised over his iPod.

"Pay attention to the professor," Kendall told us.

Katie and I rolled our eyes at each other, before stalking across the dimly lighted cafeteria, and out into the bright sunshine.

I blinked as the sunlight hit me, and shielded my eyes, Katie doing the same.

"Gotta love Carlos," I commented.

She giggled. "Always. He's a character."

I grinned. It was kind of nice to be able to have a normal, rational conversation with her. We hadn't been able to have one since she was fourteen.

I knew she had had a crush on me at that point, because she was so obvious about it, but when she wasn't blushing and giggling at my jokes and asking me questions, we were able to talk. Just talk. Logan, Carlos, and I would be over at the Knights' house after school, and those three would be playing video games.

Usually, I'd play with them, and then Katie would come wandering down the stairs, sit down next to me, and I'd give up my controller and begin a conversation with her about school, or how annoying wannabes were, or even about the crazy things the weather was doing.

Those afternoons were some of my absolute favorite memories, but it was hard looking back on them, because not too far into the school year, during my senior year and her freshman year, everything went horribly wrong.

And as much as I hated to admit it, I knew it was all my fault.

The basic moral of the story is that you never say anything bad about the girl who has a crush on you, and you never, in any way, betray her, because, she's like an animal or a baby – she won't understand. All she'll see is that you're a monster, who jerked her feelings around, who led her on, only to let her fall into a rocky crevice without a safety net, or a rope to pull her back up. That's all she's going to see. And if you don't make amends for it, when you know you really need to, she's going to hate you.

I had had to learn all that the hard way.

There was an irony in it, though. I had once said that I would never ever be attracted to her, that nothing would ever happen between us. And yet…My body seemed to really be attracted to her body. The constant sexual tension, or lust, or whatever the hell it was, was always there, at the back of my mind, nagging at me. It had been there ever since the first night I had gotten back, and had only gotten stronger ever since we had slept together.

I was torn out of my thoughts by a vaguely familiar voice:

"Katie! Oh, hey, James…"

Sean Reinard, creep extraordinaire, was headed our way. Even in the sunshine, his eyes looked cold, and his smile didn't reach his cold eyes. He had always been a little weird. He had been one hell of a hockey player, but he was still a serial creep.

I nodded at Reinard. "Hey. What's up?"

"Just thought I'd come over and say hi to Katie."

I felt Katie tense slightly beside me, and for a split second, it was four years previously, and Reinard had just approached Katie and me in the halls of Canton Lake High School, a leer on his face, as he asked me who the little girl was. I remembered him, later on in the locker room, wanting to know how tight she was, since she was only fourteen. I had punched him in the face and slammed him into the lockers.

Katie had never known about that episode though. Kendall and Carlos had both been in detention that day, or accidentally setting the chemistry lab on fire, and Logan was doing some sort of extra credit project for one of his many advanced classes, so he was late to practice that day. If they had been there, Reinard definitely would not have gotten up the nerve to ask me about Katie's vagina. If he had, he'd still be in a coma, and Katie would have heard about it.

It occurred to me that I needed to mention the incident to her, so that she knew to stay away from him, just in case her instincts and creep-detector failed her at some point.

"Well, you've greeted her, so, if you'll excuse us, we have to get moving. We have class," I said shortly, taking Katie's hand and leading her past Reinard.

"See you later, Katie," I heard Reinard call to her, but she didn't acknowledge him.

"Do you see him often?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "This is my first time seeing him since your welcome-home party, down at the lake."

I nodded, relieved. "Okay."

"Why?"

"It's just…He…um…well, this happened four years ago. He asked me – how tight you were."

She blinked. "Tight? Wait…you mean…"

I nodded.

"He thought we were sleeping together?"

"I guess so."

"And he wanted to know about my – "

"Yeah."

She paled slightly. "That's sick. I was fourteen, and I looked ten. I was barely 4'10, I was scrawny, and I had barely managed to bypass my training bra."

"I know."

"He honestly asked you that?"

I nodded. "I punched him and slammed him into the lockers, though."

"Oh…Well…thanks."

"Yeah. Not a problem."

"When was that?"

"In early October."

"Oh. Back when you still cared."

Even four years later, she still hated me. It was absolutely amazing.

"I always cared."

She laughed sourly. "No, you didn't. Maybe you cared about what happened to my body – _maybe_ – but you didn't care about my feelings."

"I did care. I didn't mean to – "

"You didn't think about it. You never did. You always just did what you wanted, and you still do. It's why you sleep with random girls, James. It's why you managed to get me into bed with you. You get what you want. And what you want is sex. And, let's face it. You were sleeping with fifteen year olds. If I had sprouted boobs and hips overnight, you would have slept with me, too."

I gaped at her. "That's not true – "

"Yes, it is. Me being Kendall's little sister doesn't matter to you. You proved that four years ago when you hurt me. And you proved that just last weekend, when you slept with me."

"I respected you. I still do."

She just raised an eyebrow, before continuing on towards our history class.

I sighed, and followed her, while trying to sort out my thoughts, but to no avail. I plopped down in my usual seat in the back, stretching out my legs under the table, and unpacking everything. Notebook. Pen. Textbook. A water bottle.

I made sure my phone was on silent, and then waited, pen tapping against the blank piece of notebook paper, for the professor to get there. I was so bored, and so sexually frustrated, and so irritated with Katie, that I was willing to read my notes from the day before, just to distract myself.

Luckily, Professor Wibbling walked in about ten seconds later. She waited until it was 12:01, before beginning, standing in front of the white board.

"As those of you who read the syllabus will know, today is the day that you are partnered for historical presentations. We will do it through a combination of paper – which must be either read orally, handed out to the class – and PowerPoints. The papers must be at least ten pages long, double spaced, size twelve print, Times New Roman. In your PowerPoint presentations, you will include pictures, quotes from academic sources, and videos. The presentation must be, at a minimum, five minutes long. I will add points for length, but the maximum length it should be is fifteen minutes. If you want to go longer for extra credit, discuss it with me first. I will add an extra credit point for every thirty seconds over it goes.

"As for partners," she continued on, "I have assigned partners for each of you. You are not allowed to switch parents, unless there is a serious problem, and you must have my permission to switch. Now…"

She began to call out names, partnering people up. It took about five seconds for me to realize that she might, for some weird, twisted teacher reason, pair Katie and me up. I immediately crossed my fingers and began chanting under my breath, "Please don't put Katie and me together, please don't put Katie and me together, please don't put Katie and me together."

"James Diamond…you will be partnered with – "

_Not Katie Knight. Not Katie Knight. Not Katie Knight_.

" – With Katie Knight."

_FUCK_!

Katie twisted around in her seat, eyes blazing as she glared at me, giving me a look as if she just knew I had done this on purpose, as if she just knew I had been born just to ruin her entire life.

I glared back at her, trying to accuse her of the same thing, although it didn't quite work, because I didn't actually believe it, the way she seemed to about me.

Professor Wibbling finally finished partnering people up. "You may come up here, one by one, to get your topic assignments. I will call your names. You will spend the rest of class discussing your topic. I have information sheets for each team."

It only took her about five minutes before she called up Katie and me.

"Your topic will be on the roaring twenties," she said to us, handing us both a packet of paper. "You can find plenty of information on that time period in your textbook, in the library, and in the Burton Museum of History."

We both nodded, and turned around to walk over to a table.

Katie headed towards her table, but I grabbed her arm. "Nah uh. My table."

"No way! We can ask questions better if we're in the front."

"But we'll have more privacy in the back."

"Oh, yeah, because this is all so top secret."

"The information packet is to answer any questions we may have! And besides, she's going to be busy assigning topics."

"I'm not going into the back."

"And I'm not staying in the front."

"Just take a middle table!" Jesse Gregory yelled at us. "Just stop arguing!"

"Fine!" we both snapped. We marched over to a table smack-dab in the middle of the room, and plunked our information packets down. We collected our stuff from our different sections of the room, and then took a seat at the table, both of us glowering.

"So," Katie said, chewing hard on her tongue.

"So," I replied, arms crossed.

She opened the information packets. "There's the outline. We have a five page paper to do. For our presentation, we can do anything through visual or audio sources, i.e. videos or music. And we're encouraged to do a specific part of our topic."

"How about freedom?" I asked. "There was a lot more freedom than there had been previously. Fashion-wise alone. Plus, women's freedom," I nodded to Katie. "And sexual freedom."

She nodded back. "Okay…that's a good example of what the twenties were about. Plus, financial freedom…The stock market was booming, and people were making tons of money."

"Exactly." I jotted the ideas down in my notebook. "Oh, and music. Their music was different. They were listening to jazz." I put that down.

"There was also prohibition, which encouraged speakeasies," Katie added, starting to write stuff down, too. "So, lack of freedom in that department, but more independence, in a way, because people took it upon themselves to get their own liquor."

I nodded.

We came up with a few more ideas, and then Professor Wibbling called time. "See you all tomorrow," she said to us as she packed up.

Katie and I gathered our stuff together.

"We should go down to the museum this weekend," Katie said to me as we walked out of the classroom.

I nodded. "Lemme check the museum hours." I pulled out my phone, and did a quick search. "Okay, so, on Friday afternoons, their admission is at half the price than normal – anytime after three. And they close at midnight on Friday and Saturday night. And they're only open on Sunday from ten 'til two."

"Okay. So, wanna try for Friday afternoon?" she asked me.

I nodded. "Sounds good. I'll pick you up at your house at 2:30?"

She hesitantly nodded. "Just for the record, just because we're working together, doesn't mean – "

"That you like me. Trust me, it goes both ways." And it really did. She drove me nuts, by ruining a completely rational conversation by infusing a comment about me, and then causing me to defend myself. Why couldn't she just let the past go for five minutes? Was it really so hard to do?

She harrumphed. "See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow."

Friday rolled around much too fast for my liking. Friday was an in-service day, which basically meant that professors had to do some sort of class thing to teach them how to be better educators. This meant that we got the day off. Normally, this was great, and it was. I got to sleep in. But then, Mom decided, as she was packing up to go on a business trap to Cancun, that I needed to visit my father in the hospital that morning. This time, I went in without Savannah.

Dad was sitting up in bed, watching an episode of _Reba_, and laughing hoarsely, when I hesitantly knocked on the open door.

He looked around, and beamed when he saw me. "James! Come on in, come on in!"

I had stopped by the hospital gift shop, and picked him up a bouquet of flowers, which I held out to him, a little nervously.

He smiled, and took them from me. "These are lovely."

I shrugged. "I liked them, so I took a chance that you would, too."

"We're more alike than we ever thought," he chuckled.

"I guess…" I slowly sat down in the chair next to his bed.

"So, what happened to class? It's a weekday, isn't it?" he asked me as he muted the TV.

"There was an in-service day," I told him. "It's like the college version of teacher workshop days."

"Ah. That must be nice. Although, I'm sure you can think of a million other things you could be doing, besides seeing your hospital-bound father." He grinned teasingly at me, and I caught a glimpse of my own grin on his face. _More alike than we ever thought_…

"Nah, I haven't seen you in a week. I needed to come and visit you."

He nodded. "So, no Savannah?"

I shook my head. "I didn't even think about asking her if she wanted to come with me."

"That's fine. She probably needs some time off. She's been trying to sort stuff out. I've been helping her put my finances together, since…" He shrugged.

"There's no hope?" I asked, my voice catching. "I mean, you're definitely going to…to…?"

"Well, it's not carved in stone," he replied. "But all those years of smoking, plus being around people who smoke, along with being stubborn and refusing to see a doctor when I started having problems, has put a definite strain on my lungs."

"And…?"

"They couldn't get to the cancer in time," he said, sounding a little tired now. "It had spread too much. It was too late."

I felt a lump begin to grow in my throat, and I swallowed, hard.

Dad reached for my hand. "Hey, you never know. Something might happen. You never know. And if this experience has taught me one thing, it's to hold the people who I love close to me. I never really did that with you. I was always too critical, and too judgmental. You didn't want to follow in my footsteps, so I figured there must be something wrong with you. All along, I should have known that it was _me_. _I_ was the problem. It was never you. You were doing what you wanted, and I should have supported that. I should have congratulated you after your hockey games. I should have been there. Instead, the one hockey game I did go to, I told you what a lousy player you were, when, the truth is, you're the reason your team won that game. When you decided to go to college in LA, so that you could follow your dreams of performing, I told you that it was just a stupid pipe dream, and that in three years, you'd be back here, begging for me to take you back in, begging for me to give you a job." He shrugged, half amusedly, half sadly. "Well, three years later, here you are. But not because you need a job or money. Because, the man who tore you down, who always put you last, is dying. Karma's a bitch, isn't it?"

"This isn't karma…" I disagreed. "It's – it's – "

"It's something. It's definitely something."

"I'm sorry…"

"For what? For leaving? Hell, if I had been in your shoes, I would have left, too. But if it were me, I wouldn't have come back. It shows me that you're a much better person than I'll ever be."

Except, I wasn't. I was an ass. I had slept with my stepmom, I had slept with my best friend's baby sister, and I had proven that the rumors to my being a man whore were true.

"I'm not that good of a person."

"You have a better heart than mine. That's something. Sure, you took after me when it comes to women. But you could be so much worse. And I pray to God that you never will be. I love you, James. I may not have shown it, but I do. And I hope that you can forgive me enough, to let me into your life."

I nodded. "Of course. I – I do forgive you."

"Thank you," he whispered.

I nodded again, and leaned over, wrapping my arms around him. He hugged me back.

After a few seconds, I pulled back.

"So, what're your plans for the afternoon?" he asked me.

"I have a project in my history class," I told him. "I'm doing it with Katie – Katie Knight. We're going down to the museum in Burton to do some research."

"Sounds like fun. Are you allowed to take pictures?"

"I don't know. There's probably a law about it."

"Well, if you can, could you get me some pictures? It's been ages since I've been out of this hospital."

"Can't you leave?"

"I could, but I get too tired if I do. Maybe sometime we could go out for dinner or something. If you wanted to, I mean."

I nodded. "Of course. That's be awesome."

He smiled, and I smiled back.

* * *

**Katie's POV**

They were fighting again.

That's what I woke up to.

Mom and Dad were screaming bloody murder at each other, and every now and then, I heard the sound of a thud, or a clang, which I took to mean that they were throwing stuff. When they started throwing objects, I knew that that meant that, one a scale from one to ten, one being the mildest, ten being the worst, this fight was an eleven, possibly a twelve.

I went downstairs once, to get food, and then hurried back upstairs.

Luckily, James picked me up a couple of minutes early, so I scurried out of the house calling "Bye!" to my parents, and ran out to get into his pickup.

He had barely set the parking brake, so that he could go up to my front door and get me, when I leaped into his pickup. He blinked at me. "You know, when someone says they hate me, I usually assume that they don't want to see me."

"I've had a bad day. Just drive."

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am!" He waited until I had buckled in, before putting the parking brake back down, and pulling away from the curb.

Burton was about a forty-five minute drive from Canton Lake, and the nearest city. It wasn't large, compared to Minneapolis, but when you compared it to Canton Lake, which had one coffee shop, one grocery story, and didn't even have a _Wal-Mart_ or a _Target_, it was freaking New York City.

I turned on the radio, flipping to my favorite station, and sat back to enjoy the ride.

The ride to Burton was fairly quiet. Despite the fact that it was a Friday afternoon, the freeway was pretty empty, and the day was warm, so James and I rolled the windows down, and let the wind blow in.

However, as we neared Burton, the freeway became more and more crowded with cars, and there were traffic lights to help guide the traffic exiting off into the city.

We managed to get into Burton, and traffic became very backed up. Drivers who should have never gotten their licenses were out in bunches on the road, and more than once, James flipped someone off for cutting him off when he had the right of way.

We managed to get to the Burton Museum of History in one piece, however. We found a parking garage, and I offered to pay for parking. James tried to wave me off, but I insisted, since he had driven. I also made sure to slap a twenty into his hand for gas.

It was nearly four by the time we paid for our admission, and walked into the museum. We walked through it, going through the earlier eras (Revolutionary War, War of 1812, etc.) fairly quickly, before reaching the Roaring Twenties.

There were mannequins clothed in dresses that came just past the knee, and hung straight. Some were beaded, some were fringed, and some were plain. There were sandals, and pumps, hats, and gloves; Al Capone suits and shiny black shoes. There were old cases of what had once stored liquor. There was a replica of a speakeasy, with fancily dressed mannequins standing around, holding glasses.

James and I walked around, taking everything in. He snapped some pictures with his phone, and I made sure to take detailed notes.

Once we had sopped up all the information we could, we continued to walk through the museum.

It was nearly eight-thirty by the time we left the museum, and from the look on James's face, he was about as much in a hurry to get home as I was.

"Do you wanna go grab food, or something?" he asked me. We had talked in the museum, to point things out to each other, or make comments, but no actual conversations. All very polite, all very proper, all very civil.

It was boring.

But it was a hell of a lot better than being at home.

I nodded. "Sure."

We headed over to a fast food restaurant.

It was nine-thirty by the time we got in the car to go home. I gave my parents a quick call, but they didn't pick up.

I leaned my head against the window, sighing quietly.

"What's wrong?" James asked, eyes on the road.

"Just parent troubles. They were fighting like crazy today."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Thanks." I bit my lip, thinking hard. I wasn't ready to go home. And I kind of had the feeling James wasn't either. And I needed comfort. Plus, he'd been on my mind for the past week. He had shown up in my thoughts in ways that sent jolts through my body, and made me blush. As much as I hated to admit it, at that moment, I needed him. I needed his comfort.

We were off the freeway now, on a country road that would eventually take us into Canton Lake. The roads were always quiet at night, because no one liked driving down them in the pitch black. Plus, people very rarely ventured out of Canton Lake besides to go to a museum, or a concert.

"Pull over," I said quietly.

James looked over at me. "What?"

"Pull over. Now. Please?"

He did so. "Katie, what – "

And I dove for him, hands on his chest, pushing him up against his seat as I kissed him forcefully. After several seconds, he pulled back. In the dim light of the control panel, I could see that his eyes had darkened and were intense.

I didn't think twice.

I just kissed him again, already working on getting his shirt off.

Within seconds, our clothes were off, and the comfort had begun.

* * *

James grinned widely at the memory, as I blushed slightly.

"You were an animal," he said, his grin spreading even more.

"Shut up."

"You just randomly decided to have sex with me, in my pickup, on an empty road. Animal."

"If you don't shut up, I'll – "

"You'll…what? Fuck me? What a threat."

I gritted my teeth. "You're beyond annoying."

"Very true. But you still want me."

I didn't answer. We both know I did.

"Continue on, please," James said to me. "We both know what happens next. After all, _this_ was the real beginning."

* * *

**_Wow...So, things aren't going so well for Katie. Good thing she has James to comfort her ;)_**

**_Any questions or comments? I always love hearing your thoughts! It makes me and the review button/post thingy happy. :)_**


	7. Chapter 6: The Agreement

**_Chapter 6 is finally up! Can I get a "Whoo Hoo"? Next, I'm so sorry that it's taken so long for me to get this chapter up! I've been really busy with college, and I'm not sure how often I'm going to get around to updating now that it's really getting into the swing of things, but we'll see._  
**

**_Disclaimer: Let me explain it to you: I'm 19. I'm in college. I can't afford to own Big Time Rush. Okay? Got it? Good. Moving on now..._**

**_Kat: Thank you so much! And thank you for reviewing :)_**

**_LuvLoveJatie: I laughed at your review. Sorry for the lack of sex scenes, but I'm trying to keep it rated T ;) But you never know what'll happen in the future. Anyway, thank you for reviewing!_**

**_Guest: Katie always has problems in this ;P Thank you for reviewing!_**

**_Misslittlemaslow: Thank you so much! I'm so happy you liked it! And those are really good songs. Those two songs, especially "Bad Day" would probably have been a really good soundtrack for the last chapter. Nope, not weird at all. :) Thank you for reviewing!_**

**_jatieeeeeee: Thank you so much, and thank you for reviewing!_**

**_elena: Does more right now work? ;) Thank you for reviewing!_**

**_THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, or followed this story! I always say it, but it's true: I LOVE YOU GUYS!_**

**_Warnings: Innuendos, non-graphic sexual content, and strong language._**

**_Enjoy the chapter! :)_**

* * *

**Chapter 6: The Agreement.**

**Katie's POV (Cont.)**

It had cooled down in the pickup, and my own sweat made me shiver. I felt James push himself off of me, although I couldn't see in the darkness.

"I'll get the heat going," was all he said, his hand brushing over my arm.

"Okay."

I heard the click as he turned on the ignition, and a moment later, the heat was going. I was aware of him reaching up, and a moment later, the overhead light came on. James was next to me, trying to wiggle into his boxers. I snatched up my bra and panties, and put them on, as I tried to get a hold of the rest of my clothes.

James glanced sideways at me as he finally managed to get his boxers on. He wordlessly handed me my shirt, as I passed him his jeans.

We finished getting dressed in the cramped cab of the pickup truck, and James turned the ignition on all the way.

"So…home?"

"I guess…"

"At least you're going home to people. My house is empty, since my mom's on a business trip."

My ears perked up. "How long is she going to be gone?"

He eyed me. "A couple of weeks…Why?"

"I can't go home yet. I'm not ready to. I can't take the fighting…Can I go back to your place?"

"Um…Correct me if I'm wrong…But don't we hate each other?"

I looked at him. "Can you honestly say you haven't thought about what happened at the party?"

"You know I have."

"And you honestly haven't thought about getting me in bed with you?" I leaned over, and began to kiss his jaw. He squirmed slightly.

"Just for a night…Where we're all alone…And you can do whatever you want…" I moved down to his neck, and his breathing picked up.

I palmed him through his jeans, and smirked. "You hate me…But I make you _hot_."

The next thing I knew, I was on my back, with him pinning me down, breathing heavily.

"Face it, Katie, passion is passion. And we get off on hating each other. It's what we do. And it's fucking hot. It's dirty and raw and passionate, and it brings out the worst in us."

"So, what're you waiting for? Put the damn vehicle in gear, drive me back to your place, and fuck me until I can't walk anymore."

He paused for a moment, before nodding, and pushing himself up off of me. We re-buckled ourselves in, he put the pickup in drive, and we headed to his house. I was probably crazy for this, but I couldn't even begin to care. I knew what I wanted, and what I needed, and I just couldn't think about what was smart or a good idea. I wanted to fuck James. Therefore, I was going to do it.

James parked in his driveway, and turned the ignition off. We got out of the truck, and hurried up to his front door. He unlocked the door, and let me in.

Once we were both inside, he pushed me up against the wall, kissing me hard. I responded eagerly, as he lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, tangling my fingers in his hair, and tugging lightly. He moaned against my lips, and I did it again.

Throughout the night, I was aware of his skin on mine, the sound of his heavy breathing, the way he kissed me, the feeling of him moving in and out of me. I felt like I was in a daze, euphoric and unconscious at the same time.

We would drift off, and wake up, just in time for another round. I didn't think about my parents, or my oblivious brother, for the rest of the night. It was just James. All James. I couldn't even think about hating him. It was impossible, with everything that was happening.

"So," James said sleepily, at five in the morning, "what're you going to tell your parents about why you didn't come home?"

"None of your business," I replied haughtily.

He let out a tired laugh. "You'll probably say something, like, you ended up crashing at Jo's place for the night, and called, but they never picked up."

I growled under my breath. That had been exactly what I had planned to tell them.

He snickered. "You can't say Jo. She's with Kendall, and Kendall won't be willing to back up your story, you know. You should say Stephanie. She'd cover for you in a heartbeat, especially if she knew you were here with me."

I bit my lip. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right.

"Fine," I groaned, and threw back the covers, crawling out of bed. I saw James watch me move across the room in the early morning light. I grabbed a blanket from the end of his bed, and wrapped it around me, before heading downstairs, where my clothes were.

Don't judge. I had a bad day, okay?

I managed to locate my phone, and I sent a quick text to Stephanie: **Hey, if my parents or brother call, wanting to know where I am, could you tell them I'm with you? I'd really appreciate it. :)**

I brought my phone back up to James's bedroom with me, and crawled back into bed with him. He looked at me.

I looked back at him. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

I laid down, closing my eyes. I felt him wrap an arm around me and I snuggled into him. I drifted off to sleep soon after.

I woke up in bed alone. I sat up, frowning a little. After a few seconds of intent listening, I heard noises downstairs. Sighing, I threw the covers back, slipped on my panties and James' t-shirt, and headed downstairs.

James was in the kitchen, flipping pancakes. He looked up when I walked in.

"You're making breakfast?" I said skeptically.

"Yeah. I mean, you're the guest, right? So I should make you breakfast."

"Do you usually sleep with your guests?"

He smirked at me.

"Stupid question. Of course you do."

"Duh. I'm me."

"My point exactly."

"Anyway, enjoy the free breakfast."

"Oh, I will."

"Have your parents called to check up on you yet?"

"Ummm…I'm not sure. I left my phone in your room, and it was on vibrate. I guess I should go and check." I headed back upstairs and snatched up my phone. I checked my messages and saw that I had a text from Stephanie: **Sure, no prob :) Am I gonna get to hear all the juicy details ;)?**

I shook my head, laughing. Gotta love Stephanie.

I made my way back downstairs, joining James in the kitchen again. "No word from my parents, but Stephanie agreed to cover for me."

"Cool. Although, you're eighteen, so I kind of doubt you'll get into too much trouble."

"Well, I still live with my parents, so I'm still capable of getting into trouble with them," I said with a shrug. "It kind of sucks but, you know, their house, their rules."

"Yeah, I know how that goes." He flipped the final pancake onto a plate. He passed me one plate, and saved the other for himself. "Just spread out anywhere, my mom's not home so it doesn't matter."

"You know," I said slowly as we took seats on the living room couch, "we don't fight as much after we sleep together…"

"Probably because we're feeling so warm and gooey inside."

"I'm serious, we haven't argued at all this morning."

"So I've noticed. Do you want me to start an argument with you? Cuz I can do that." He dumped syrup over his pancakes, and passed me the bottle.

"Thanks. And no, it's nice to be away from all the fighting."

"Is it really that bad?" he took a bite of his pancakes.

"Yeah. It's like…they're either ready to kill each other, or else they're barely speaking. It's awful. When they're barely speaking, my mom puts up a front."

"How so?"

"She'll get obsessive compulsive with the cleaning and the cooking, and she'll wear dresses and do her hair and stuff. It's all so fake. And the fighting…At least it feels honest, you know? But it's still horrible. I hate being at home. It doesn't feel like a real home anymore. It's like…like…it's like someone took my life and replaced it with something resembling it, but with everything just wrong. I don't know…I'm sorry, that doesn't make any sense."

"No, no, it actually does," James said quietly, soaking up the syrup on his plate with a piece of pancake. "It's like someone twisted your life around, adjusted the parts about it that were really good into something that feels just…It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel real."

"Yeah, exactly. It feels like it's someone else's life and I'm just going through the motions. It doesn't feel like it's _my_ life, because how the hell could my life get so screwed up?"

"I remember going through that when my parents divorced, and then again recently, when I came back to Canton Lake because of my dad."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, so don't be."

I sighed deeply. "I just can't figure out how things could have gotten so messed up. It feels like it all happened overnight, like I went to bed and when I woke up the next day, everything had changed."

"That's usually how it is. You don't see any of it coming, it completely blindsides you."

I nodded slowly, and suddenly realized that I felt better than I had in what felt like months. It was so nice to be able to talk to someone who actually understood what I was going through. Even if it was James Diamond.

We finished breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen together, not really saying anything to each other.

At last, we turned to face each other.

"So, we hate each other, but we slept together last night," James proclaimed. "Wanna tell me what's up with that?"

"Why do I have to tell you? It takes two to tango, remember?"

"Yes, but you were the one who initiated it. So I think it should be _you_ who enlightens _me_."

"You weren't complaining last night."

"Would I ever?"

"Do you even have any standards?"

"Ooh, burn. That's gonna leave a mark."

"Shut up, smart ass." I pushed past him towards the stairs, and he lightly smacked my ass. I waved my middle finger at him as I began climbing the stairs. "Fuck you."

"Come up with a better retort and then we'll talk."

"How about you go and fuck yourself?"

"Bet you'd love to see that."

"Yeah, considering you'd have to be a contortionist to manage that."

"But wouldn't you love to watch?"

"Did you take a course, or were you just born with a filthy mind?"

"I was born with a filthy mind. Got a problem with it?"

"A little bit, yeah."

"But you love it."

I snorted as I reached the bedroom.

He followed me in. "So, you're using me, right? To get away from all the crap that's going on in your family?"

I paused. That sounded exactly like what I was doing.

"If you are, then I want to join the club. I could use an escape from stuff," he admitted.

"Like?"

"My dad, for one. The fact that he's dying."

"Oh."

He nodded.

"So…let me get this straight. You want to sleep with me so that we can get away from our problems? Is it just me, or is that kind of messed up?"

"Oh, it's messed up, believe me. But it's a good escape."

I slowly nodded. "Well…okay. But we keep it between us. We don't tell anyone else. Got it?"

"Who would I tell? If your brother knew, he'd kill me."

"True."

"And Logan and Carlos would both be horrified if they found out."

"Also very true."

"So, keeping this a secret isn't going to be a problem." He leaned against the doorway, managing to look completely and totally sexy with his hair falling into his eyes.

I bit my lip. Why oh why did my body have to like him so much? Why couldn't my body hate him like the rest of me did?

"What?" he asked, blinking at me.

I launched myself at him.

"And they say I'm sex-crazed," he laughed as I sent him tumbling to the ground.

"Any complaints?"

"I think we've already gone through this."

"Mmm…probably…" I kissed him.

If only my parents could see me right now…

It was almost nine that night by the time my parents realized that I still hadn't come home. My mom texted me: **Are we going to see you tonight?**

I sighed. I was tangled in covers with James kissing my neck, sucking lightly on his way down. However, at my sigh he pulled back. "What?"

I held up my phone. "My mom texted me."

"Oh. Are you leaving?"

"I don't know. I don't really want to. I mean, I can't stay here forever, but…I don't want to go home either."

"I get it."

I looked at him, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. "What do I do?"

"Well," he rested on his elbow so that he could look at me, "what do you think is best for you?"

"I just – I've had it. I need a break from them. I'm going to go crazy if I'm with them for too long."

"So, stay tonight," he suggested. "And go home tomorrow. And make sure to tell your mom that you're staying with Stephanie because you can't stand the fighting. It might help guilt her into realizing that she needs to do something about this."

I nodded. "Thanks."

"No problem. Text your mom back."

I did so: **I'm staying with Stephanie again tonight. I just can't stand the tension in the house. Sorry.**

I texted Stephanie: **Can you cover for me for one more night? I'd really appreciate it :D**

I set my phone aside and turned back to James. He looked at me, his hazel eyes unreadable.

"You must be getting a lot out of this," I commented, bringing my knees up to my chest. "You've spent almost twenty-four hours getting laid."

He shrugged. "I'm not going to lie – I don't mind that, not in the least. But we both know why we're doing this. It's not just your average casual fuck. There's meaning in this. We both need it for similar reasons, and it's not just to get off."

"I know."

"Anyway, you're right. We get along really well when we're sleeping together. We finally found something in common." He grinned at me.

It was funny, but that was the thing that really made me feel better. At the very least, it made me laugh.

His grin widened. "Feel better?"

"Yeah, a lot. Thanks."

"Good." He kissed me, rolling over on top of me.

Just as we'd planned, I stayed with him that night. In the morning, he let me use his shower while he stood outside and made lewd comments. I finally told him to get his ass into the shower with me before I kicked it to Portugal.

He offered to drive me home, which I agreed to.

"Thanks for letting me stay with you," I said quietly once he had pulled up in front of my house. "I really appreciate it."

He looked at me for a long moment. "You fucked me the entire time. Believe me, it was no trouble."

"No, I guess not. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow."

I climbed out of his car and headed up the driveway to my house. I let myself inside, waved at him, and closed the door.

Mom came out of the kitchen, her hair in a perfect bun, outfitted in a blue skirt and a matching blouse. I could smell a strong waft of chocolate coming from the kitchen.

"I made chocolate-chocolate chip cookies!" Mom chirped.

I glanced at the time on my phone. "It's only ten-thirty…"

"I got an early start. And I made blueberry muffins for breakfast!"

"Goody…"

She beamed at me, and then frowned, looking at me a little closer. "You look tired," she informed me. "You should go upstairs and take a nap."

"I'm fine," I told her.

"Where did you stay anyway?"

Most parents would have asked their kids this when they realized that said kids hadn't come home. Apparently my mom had been too preoccupied to even consider asking me this until now.

"I stayed at Stephanie's," I said with a simple shrug. "We hung out."

"That's good."

I nodded. "I'm gonna go upstairs and do some homework."

"Okay. I'll bring up some muffins and a glass of milk in a little while."

I walked upstairs, my stomach twisting uncomfortably. I hated lying to my mom, I really did. But it wasn't like I could tell her that I had spent the past thirty-six hours having insane, steamy, passionate, hot, fantastic sex with James Diamond. That would get me locked up in a nunnery so fast I wouldn't have time to say "Just kidding!"

I sat down at my desk and pulled out the homework I had. I forced myself to focus on it.

Mom came up a little later as promised, with a plate of muffins and a glass of ice cold milk. She didn't linger, though. Instead, she headed back downstairs. A little later, I smelled more cookies baking in the oven. And that's when it occurred to me that I hadn't seen Dad's car in the driveway.

Oh no…

Just like that, I wanted to call James up and tell him to get me the hell out of here.

But I couldn't.

I had spent thirty-six hours with him, and it had been nice. But I knew that tomorrow we'd go back to the way we were, at least when we were with other people, in public. Friday night and Saturday's – stuff – had just been one of those crazy things that people do when they're upset and need relief. He was hurting too, so it had worked out. And I had a feeling that we would continue to sleep together whenever we needed a reprieve from our problems. But we couldn't go back to the intimacy and closeness of last night. That had just been…it had been different. Somehow the sex had felt different. Like there was actual emotion and feeling and caring somewhere in there.

But that didn't make any sense. The main emotion we got around each other was dislike. And caring? Hah! That feeling had disappeared about four years ago, never to be seen again.

The thing was, having this kind of relationship was James was probably a bad idea for more than the obvious reasons. He was the first person I could remember having sex with, in some ways, the night at the party was my first time.

I don't remember my first time, and I wouldn't expect to. Why not? Well, roofied-victims usually don't have a very good memory of what went on the night before.

* * *

**James' POV**

I don't know why I let Katie stay over. I really don't. She may not know this, but I usually kick girls out of my place after a round or two. My original idea for that was that she was someone I had known for most of my life, so it made sense that I showed a little compassion to her.

The only problem: If I was all for showing compassion to her, why would I sleep with her?

It didn't make a whole lot of sense, to be completely truthful. The only possible reason that I could come up with was that, for all she drove me nuts, I still cared about her. Before the whole fiasco in high school had gone down, we had been really close. So of course I'd still want her to be happy and comfortable.

And if that meant letting her stay over at my house so that she could hide out have sex with me, then who I was to complain?

I spent pretty much all of Sunday replaying Friday and Saturday in my mind. I was initially surprised when she agreed to our enemies with benefits agreement, but later, when I realized how scared and sad and vulnerable she was, it all started to make a little more sense.

The thing was, when we'd slept together after she texted her mom and Stephanie, it had felt different. I guess maybe it was because she had opened up a little to me, and I had helped her out and made her feel a little better, which is what she had needed. But still. I wondered if it would always be like that.

Probably not. It'd probably never go in that direction again.

For some reason, I felt disappointed at that thought.

The next day, Katie beat me to the lunch table. I sat down next to her when I arrived. She barely looked at me.

Not a happy moment.

Kendall, Logan, and Carlos chatted happily about whatever it was they'd been doing this weekend, while Katie and I sat in silence, picking at our food.

It was actually a relief when it was time to head to History, and Katie and I both hurried away.

"How were things yesterday?" I asked Katie as we walked towards class.

She set her jaw. "Bad. Really bad."

I looked at her questioningly.

"It was the aftermath of their fight. Things were…tense."

"Oh. That sucks."

"Yes, it does."

We reached the classroom and took our seats.

Professor Wibbling started class a couple minutes later. "I want you guys to spend the day working on your group projects," she told us. "If you have any questions, feel free to ask me."

"Wanna start on the paper?" Katie asked me, pulling her hair into a bun and securing it with the hair tie that she kept on her wrist on school days.

"Sure." I pulled out my laptop and booted it up. I got into Microsoft Word. "So…what should we start with?"

"Hmmm…" she sucked on the end of a pencil, thinking hard. "An introduction to the roaring twenties?"

"Okay." I began to type while she dictated.

Once class ended, we packed up and headed out. I couldn't help but notice that we hadn't argued _at all_ today. It was really weird, but kind of nice.

"You know," Katie said as we walked across campus, "I keep getting the urge to insult you, but I can't come up with a single thing. It's driving me crazy."

"I keep getting that urge to. Think we're addicted?"

"Probably. Or else we just bring out the worst in each other."

I nodded in agreement. She was probably right.

"I still don't like you, though," she put in.

"Don't worry, I don't like you either."

"Good."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Fine."

We both paused.

"That felt weak," Katie commented.

"It did."

"Great. I can't even work up any anger towards you."

"It's probably because you're too angry towards other stuff."

"Probably." She paused once more as her phone beeped. She pulled it out and checked the text. Her face paled. "Can we go to your place to work on the project?"

"And by _work on the project _you mean…?"

"Guess."

"I suppose…You must really need comfort."

"I do."

I looked at her questioningly.

"I just got a text from my mom. She wants to know if I heard from Dad. He didn't come home last night."

"Is he okay?" I asked, alarmed.

She nodded. "She said she's only heard from him once in the past twenty-four hours, and that was this morning, when he sent a text to her by mistake."

"What kind of text?"

"She didn't say, but now I'm starting to wonder…" She bit her lip.

"What?"

"If he sent a text that was meant for another woman…"

"Like…a mistress?"

She nodded.

I sighed. "Come on, let's head to my place. I'll help you forget about all of this."

"Okay."

However, as I reached my car, my phone buzzed. I checked it and saw it was a text from my mom: **I just heard from Savannah and I talked to a doctor: Your dad's come down with pneumonia. He's contagious, so they won't let anyone in to see him, but they're going to keep us updated on what's happening. Love you.**

My fist clenched around my phone and I called over to Katie as she walked towards her car: "Mind helping me forget about something too?"

* * *

_**So, lots of drama for James and Katie, huh? And considering the way they're taking it out on each other...whooaaa boy...So, do the review button a favor and click on it and maybe...you know...leave me a review letting me know if you liked it or not? ;) *Blinks hopefully***_


	8. Chapter 7: Safe and Sound

**_I finally got up another chapter of Touch the Flame! Finally!_  
**

**_Long A/N for this one._**

**_Disclaimer: I'm me, the guys are them, and I definitely don't own Big Time Rush._**

**_Arianamaslow: Don't we all have those moments? Thank you so much! I'm happy you liked it :)_**

**_Misslittlemaslow: I'm glad you enjoyed it!_**

**_Guest: Haha I'm continuing it, I'm continuing ;)_**

**_THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, followed, or just simply read this story! I can't put into words how much I appreciate it and how much I love you guys :)_**

**_Someone pointed out to me that I completely forgot the 'present day' part at the very end of Chapter Six...and she was right! I completely blanked on that! So, I'm planning on re-uploading that chapter soon. I'm so sorry if any of you were disappointed about it, I got in such a rush to get it up that I forgot the 'present day' part._**

**_So...this chapter is rated M. The reason? Well..._**

**_Warnings: Graphic self-harm, language, and a non-graphic (depends on what you consider 'non-graphic, though) sex scene, mentions of date rape and date rape drugs._**

**_So yeah, this chapter is going to be a little darker than the others, and there's a good chance I'm going to up the rating to M, so that I don't get kicked off of the site. I'm planning on moving the DLS-S Cruise's rating up to M as well, due to the nature of the story, although I'll try to put it off until I actually finish it._**

**_On another note, within the next few months, I'm planning on moving some of my stories over to another site. I have a particular site in mind, but I'm not sure about it yet, so we'll see. I love , but I'm not thrilled about the way they enforced the rating systems, or that they just suddenly brought if up after ten years. I've heard of a lot of stories that have been removed due to graphic sex or violence, and that doesn't sit well with me at all. So when I finally decide on a site, I'll let you guys know :) The same goes for when Jatieluv and I finally find a site - which'll probably be the same one I'll be using in addition to this one._**

**_On a random note (sorry, I'm bored), if you want a song to go with this chapter, you might want to check out 3OH!3's song "I'm Not the One". Sorry, random, but I think it goes well with James' feelings in this chapter._**

**_So, I'm done rambling. I'll let you read the chapter now :)_**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Safe and Sound**

**Katie's POV**

Throughout the next few weeks, James and I continued with our arrangement. I spent the afternoons at his place, and long evenings in his car in a quiet field on the outskirts of town. The stiffness between my parents had increased, and I knew he was struggling with his father's deteriorating health.

During this period of time, our enemies with benefits relationship seemed to be the only thing that was keeping us sane.

His mom came home for several days, before leaving again on a trip to Cabo, leaving James alone once more.

"But it's okay," he assured me one Friday afternoon as we laid in his bed, exchanging a few words here and there. "I'm much better on my own, without her around. I don't have to deal with my stepmother, since Mom isn't around to make me interact with her."

"Are you still going to visit your father in the hospital?" I asked him, running my hand through my hair.

He nodded, relatively cheerful look dropping off his face.

"How is he?"

"Not good. He's getting worse," he sighed. "He's still fighting pneumonia. I mean, I think it's pretty much over but…It's really wearing on him."

I nodded. "Yeah. That makes sense."

"I don't know how much longer…" He rolled over, away from me.

I put my hand on his bare shoulder. "I know, I get it. The same is true for my parents. I don't know how much longer they can stay like this."

"It's getting worse?"

"I don't think they've said more than two words to each other in the last week," I sighed. "And I can't blame my mom. We know Dad's cheating on her. It's so obvious. And he's continuing to treat her like shit. This can't go on for much longer. Eventually, something's got to give."

"It will," he said quietly. "Things will either get better, or they'll get worse."

"I know."

He rolled back over to kiss me.

A little while later, we got dressed and went downstairs. As I reached the front door, he pulled me into a quick hug. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

I looked at him in surprise. "Of course. The same goes for you."

He nodded. "Naturally."

I left the house and drove home, parking next to my dad. I frowned and glanced at the clock. It was only a little after five. What was he doing home so early? He'd been working later and later each night, until it had gotten to the point where I was barely seeing him at all.

I got out and headed up to the house, my stomach twisting. Something was wrong. I didn't know what it was, but something was off.

I cautiously turned the doorknob, like it was a bomb about to go off.

You could've cut the tension with a knife.

That was the first thing I noticed when I walked into my house. The house was the most messiest I had seen it in months. Pillows were scattered over the floor in the living room. The remote was in pieces, as was a vase I was pretty sure my mom's mom had sent us for Christmas one year.

I could hear clangs and shouts coming from the kitchen, and I ran in there, just in time to see my mom throw a frying pan at my dad.

"YOU'RE PSYCHOTIC!" my dad roared at her, grabbing the frying pan and chucking it right back at her.

"ME?! I'M NOT THE ONE SLEEPING WITH MY TWENTY-FIVE YEAR OLD SECRETARY, YOU ARROGANT PRICK!"

I covered my mouth with my hand as my eyes widened. Oh my God…

"I WOULDN'T HAVE TO IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH AN UPTIGHT BITCH!"

I let out a muffled gasp.

"MAYBE I WOULDN'T BE AN UPTIGHT BITCH IF YOU ACTUALLY PAID SOME ATTENTION TO ME! BUT NO! YOU WERE TOO BUSY CHARMING LYDIA!"

"SHE CAN GIVE ME STUFF YOU CAN'T! YOU'RE NOTHING TO ME! _NOTHING_!"

I slowly back out of the kitchen, but not before hearing Mom's response. It was quiet and deadly: "Get the fuck out of my house. Now."

"I can't get out of here soon enough," Dad snarled back.

I turned around and fled up to my room. I slammed my bedroom door and barricaded myself in. My face was soaked and my eyes felt raw before I even realized that I was crying.

I wiped ferociously at my face, but my tears clouded my vision anyway.

I'm not sure how much time had passed, but I finally collapsed on my bedroom floor. I found my gaze drawn to my door, and realized that I had managed to get my chairs and desk up against it, blocking anyone from coming in.

I touched my face, and felt dried tear tracks on my cheeks.

I brought my knees up to my chest, hugging them tightly. I had spent the past few months wishing that everything would go back to the way it had been before my parents began fighting, but now…I didn't even know what I wanted anymore. I just wanted it all to end.

I heard the front door open and close, and I got to my knees, crawling to my window. I pushed the curtains back, and saw my dad walking down the driveway, holding a suitcase and a duffel bag.

I watched as he put his stuff into the trunk of his car, not even glancing up at my window.

_Please, Dad…Daddy…please…_I silently begged. _Please just look up here…just once…PLEASE!_

My entire body was tense, my face felt locked up with fear. _Please…_

He slammed the trunk closed.

_Just once…_

He walked around to the driver's side of the car.

_Daddy…_

He opened the door.

_Please…_

He climbed into the car.

He never looked at my window.

Not once.

I crumpled to the floor, my body racking with sobs, my throat hoarse and tight. I cried until I no longer had tears, and even then I continued to dry sob.

It was pitch black outside by the time I pushed myself to my feet. I stumbled into my bathroom and flipped on the light. Immediately I wished I hadn't. My face was still tear streaked, my cheeks red and blotchy, my eyes puffy and dry looking, my hair a tangled mess. My clothes were rumpled, and the parts of my face that weren't blotchy were deathly pale.

I turned on the tap and splashed my face with icy cold water. I glanced up in the mirror, sniffling slightly from the cold. The water trickled down my face, thicker than tears. For a moment, I envisioned the water running red, and my fists clenched, my nails digging forcefully into my palms. My gaze unwillingly fell to my wrist, where the scars of long-past cuts were just barely visible in the right lighting.

I traced a finger over the scars, trying to remember what had led me to each one…

James.

Bullying.

Roofied.

I hadn't cut in a year and a half, and I was proud of that. But I had never been able to regret it. Not once. It had helped me through some of my darkest moments. It had made me feel a little bit better when I felt like I couldn't take the pain anymore.

I needed to.

Just once.

I grabbed my razor, positioning it over my wrist. My eyes darted up to my reflection in the mirror. They burned with rage and hurt, and before I could think twice, I pressed the razor into my skin, sliding it down.

It took a few seconds before the cut began to sting and for the blood to bead to the surface. I took a deep breath, and moved the razor up a little, to a new spot. More stinging. More blood.

Another spot.

And then another.

By the time I had finished, my wrist and arm looked as if they'd gotten on the wrong side of a cat fight.

I quietly cleaned up my cuts, but refused to bandage them. Call it sick, but there was something satisfying in seeing them, almost like a representation of my pain.

I walked out of my bathroom, and found myself face to face with my bed.

No. I couldn't sleep here tonight. I couldn't sleep here ever again.

I grabbed my phone and called James.

"What's up?" he said once he had answered.

"Can I come over?" My voice shook violently.

I had a mental image of him on his bed, suddenly sitting up. "Do you…?"

"I just…I need someone."

"Come on over," he told me. "You can stay for as long as you like."

My voice caught. "Thank you."

"No problem."

"I'll be over soon."

I hung up, and haphazardly threw some clothes into bag. I snatched up some necessities, grabbed my purse and backpack, moved my furniture, and dashed down the stairs.

The house was dark and quiet, and I realized that Mom had left too.

I'd been all alone and hadn't even realized it.

I walked out the front door, locking it up, and hurried to my car. I threw everything into the backseat, and then climbed into the driver's seat. I glanced back at the house, briefly wondering when I would be back.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe never.

As I started the car and put my seatbelt on, I realized that Kendall probably didn't know that Mom had kicked Dad out.

Well, I wasn't the one who was going to tell him. It was Mom and Dad's responsibility, not mine.

I turned the heater on, hit the power button for the radio, flipped on the headlights, and put the car in gear, backing out of the driveway. I glanced at the digital clock, and saw that it was 10:08 PM.

I drove through town on automatic, barely feeling anything. The self-inflicted wounds were beginning to smart, and I knew that by this time the skin around them would have turned pink.

I reached James' neighborhood fifteen minutes later, and pulled up into his driveway, beside his car. I parked and turned everything off, before extracting the key from the ignition.

Just as I climbed out of the car, the front door to James' house was thrown open, and James came running out. "Are you okay?" he asked as soon as he reached me.

"Barely."

He stared at me for a long moment, eyes searching my face in the dark. I knew he was trying to figure out what had changed since I had left his house five hours before.

There was another long moment, and then he hugged me tightly. I hugged him back, and he picked me up, holding me against his body. I leaned into him, closing my eyes as I rested my cheek against his shoulder.

We stayed like that for a few more moments. I finally pulled away when a car drove past his driveway. He set me down, and I got my stuff out of the backseat.

"I'm not going to be going home for awhile," I said to James as he took my backpack. "I just…I can't. If you don't want me to stay, I'll move in with Steph or someone. But I'm not going home, not ever."

He looked at me. "It happened, didn't it? Something finally gave way."

I nodded reluctantly.

There was a long pause, and then he said softly, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I brushed off. "It's not your fault."

"Still…I know what it's like."

"Can we just bring these things inside?"

He nodded, and we headed in.

Once we got my bags in his room, we turned to face each other.

"Have you eaten?" he asked, and I shook my head.

"Not since lunch."

"Me neither. I've been too busy with homework. Come on, I'll order pizza."

"Thanks."

A half hour later, the pizza was delivered, and we sat around his dining room table, pigging out on pepperoni pizza.

"Thank you," I said to James as I finished my first slice. "For everything. For taking me in. For helping me."

"It's seriously no problem. Like I said, I've been through this before. I know what it's like. It just feels like your whole world is falling apart, like you have nowhere else to go."

I nodded, before reaching for a second slice.

"I know I haven't been the best person to you over the years," James said apologetically. "But I want you to know that I'm truly sorry for what happened."

I shook my head. "Please…not tonight. I don't want to fight with you, and us discussing our past is just going to get us angry with each other. I can't take another fight tonight. I need you, James. I need you so much. I can't go through this alone."

He reached out to take my hand. "I know. And you won't be. No matter what happens, you've still got me. I – " he took a deep breath. "I care about you, Katie. I care what happens to you."

My eyes welled up with tears at his words. I felt broken and beaten up, and in all honesty, those were the nicest words anyone had said to me in a long time. It was like feeling like you were drowning, and then breaking the water's surface and taking in a breath of fresh air.

"Katie…"

I don't know how it happened, but I guess I must've gotten out of my chair, because the next thing I knew, I was next to him, my hands cupping his face as I kissed him deeply.

His arms encircled my waist, pulling me closer. I deepened the kiss even more, our lips working together, completely synchronized. He pulled me into his lap, his hands entwining into my hair as I clawed at his shoulders. He pulled back and began to kiss my jaw, working his way down to my neck.

God…This was _exactly_ what I needed…

I was so glad I'd called James…

He sucked at my pulse point, before slowly raising so that he was standing, my legs wrapping around his waist.

Our pizza lay forgotten on the table as he carried me out of the dining room, up the stairs, to his room. He kicked the door closed behind us before laying me down on his bed and climbing on top of me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he began to kiss me again.

This was heaven…bliss…nothing could compare to this…

My fingers grasped a hold of his shirt, tugging it up and over his head. He pulled back so that he could get my shirt off as well, and he went to work on my jeans.

Within a matter of seconds, our clothes had been tossed to the floor, and he was once more kissing my neck, his hands running over my body.

I moaned, sliding my fingers down his abs to cup him. He whined a little, his hand going to my chest, and I arched into him.

He brushed his lips over my collarbone, and I tangled my fingers in his hair, tugging just enough to earn a groan from him.

He flicked his thumb over my nipple, causing me to shudder under him. He repeated it, and I bit my lip.

"Like that?" he whispered to me, and I nodded, before feeling his lips brush over my ear. I gasped, and my fingers tightened a little around him.

His fingers drifted down to me, and my head fell back. "James…"

He pulled his hand back and positioned his body over mine. He began pushing in, extracting another moan from me.

We moved together, moaning and whimpering and gasping and panting, our bodies dripping sweat, my nails raking down his back, his lips attaching themselves to every part of my skin they could get to.

Nothing felt the same. Nothing. The sex didn't have its usual roughness, its usual ferociousness. It was gentler, softer in a way, maybe even sweeter. It was more than just comfort sex, much more. There was emotion behind it, and passion, and maybe even the slightest hint of love.

But that wasn't possible. We didn't love each other. Not in the slightest. Only…

There was softness in James' eyes as he looked at me. He cared about me, he truly did, and a tear slipped down my cheek, just from knowing that he wasn't going to leave me alone.

He wiped the tear away, and leaned down to kiss me once more, his hips still moving slowly and steadily against mine.

I kissed him back, and when he pulled away, I reached my hand up to cup his face. He leaned into my touch, and our eyes locked.

I pulled him down for one more kiss as my climax hit me, and he kissed me back, releasing as well.

He pulled out and collapsed beside me, pulling me into his arms. I rested my head on his chest, and he stroked my hair, breathing heavily.

Neither of us spoke for what could've been hours.

At last I said, "I care about you too."

His chest expanded and then lowered as he let out a breath. I waited to see if he would say something, but he remained silent.

I closed my eyes, snuggling up to him and resting my arm on his stomach.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked me quietly.

"Sure."

"When did you lose your virginity? I mean, you weren't a virgin when I slept with you. You didn't have a hymen, at least. Or did it break before that?"

I hesitated. I had never really talked to anyone about that night. There just wasn't any point, there wasn't anyone could do to help or change what had happened.

"Katie?" he prodded gently.

I took a deep breath and sat up. "I was pretty much an outcast in high school. I could blame you for it, but in all honesty, it's not your fault. I chose to separate myself from everyone. And besides, I was never really like everyone else. I did my own thing, and never gave a shit about what anyone had to say about me. But by the time I reached my junior year, I was lonely. I was still friends with Jo, Stephanie, Camille, Logan, Carlos, and of course Kendall, but they weren't in high school. And no one in school would talk to me. I was known as _Kendall Knight's weird little sister_, or _Kendall Knight's freak sister_, or any variation of that really. In junior year, the bullying, for some reason, got really bad. It hadn't exactly been fun in freshman and sophomore year, but I think by that time, all the people who hated me started banding together. They'd spray paint stuff on my locker. They'd call me names in the hall. Just anything they could think of. I finally had enough. I decided that I was going to show them that I was every bit as normal as they were, and who the hell did they think they were calling a freak?

"There was a college party on campus that the juniors and seniors were invited to. It was open invitation, and I'd heard a couple of girls talking about it in the locker room after PE. So, I drove down to campus the night of the party. The second I stepped into the house, I knew I was out of my league and that I didn't belong there. I probably would have left, except that a couple of girls in my geometry class were saying what a social reject I was. So I decided to prove them wrong. I grabbed a Coke and some chips, and started chatting with people, pretty much all college guys, because they were the only ones who would really give me the time of day.

"At one point, one of them asked me to dance, and I set my Coke down. After the dance, I came back to it and downed it. Things started getting fuzzy after that. Blurry. I remember someone, a guy, saying something to me, leading me away from the party, but then everything just…stopped. I don't remember what happened next. All I know is that I woke up in a strange bed, in a strange room, pretty much naked, with my own blood dried on my thighs."

It was kind of amazing at how emotionless I had surrounded throughout the story, like it was from someone else's life. I fisted the bedspread, not looking at James, as he took in the story.

"So…you were roofied? Date raped?" His voice sounded shaky.

I nodded. "At least, that's as close to what I can figure. It was definitely a date rape drug, I know that much. And roofies seem to be the most common."

"I'm so – I'm so sorry – that – that's awful – "

"Don't apologize. You had nothing to do with it."

"That's just…" his voice was tinged with emotion, sadness and horror and anger. "I'm so sorry. Did you ever find out who did it? Did you ever report it to the police?"

I shook my head. "I was too ashamed, and what were they going to do?"

"Uh, do a rape kit?"

"The guy had used a condom, I found it in on the floor."

"But…still…there has to be ways for them to figure it out…"

"Well, I don't know what they would be."

He sighed and sat up too. "So…did you ever have sex after that?"

I shook my head. "Not until you."

"So…in a way…I was your first?"

I wordlessly nodded.

"Or rather, I was the first one that you remembered."

"I don't count the other guy," I told him. "I didn't want it, and I don't remember it. As far as I'm concerned, all he got was my hymen and maybe some of my blood. Nothing else."

"Okay." He brushed his lips over mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. He pulled back after a few seconds.

"Am I the first one you ever told?"

"Yeah. I couldn't imagine – how was I supposed to tell people that I'd been roofied? I wasn't even supposed to be at that damn party. Kendall, Logan, Carlos, Jo, Camille, and Stephanie weren't there. I later found out that they hadn't gone because the guy who threw it was a total dick and his parties were known for getting shut down by the cops." I laughed a little harshly. "Isn't it pathetic? It's like something out of a lifetime movie. Girl wants to fit in. Girl gets date raped. It's such a cliché."

"You're not a cliché." He paused, and then asked hesitantly, "How'd you handle it?"

"Not – not well. It was…um…painful to think of. Even though I didn't remember anything, there was still a huge part of me that was emotionally scarred. I was terrified to let people touch me. I didn't drink anything that had been left out in the open. If I took my eyes off of my food for even a minute, I'd refuse to eat it. I wasn't going to risk it happening again."

He quietly nodded.

"I just wish it hadn't happened. I wish I had never gone to that stupid party," I mumbled as I laid back down. James wrapped his arms around me, settling his body beside mine.

"You're safe here," he murmured. "No one's going to hurt you. I've got you."

I sighed, slowly drifting off to sleep.

The sun was shining when I awoke the next morning. I groaned, automatically bringing my arm up to shield my eyes from the intruding light. I felt James shift beside me.

"Katie?" His voice was jarring, and I brought my arm down, squinting to look at him. His eyes were wide, and his face was pale.

"What?" I mumbled.

He grabbed my arm again and held it up. The self-made cuts from last night stood out against my skin.

I bit my lip. "Um…about that…"

"How long has this been going on?" he demanded.

"I – I haven't cut in – in – a – a – year and a half until – until – l-last n-night," I stuttered out, shocked at the look of anger on his face.

"Whatever." He got out of bed and grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

"James…"

"Go ahead and take a shower. There's food in the fridge. I'll see you later." His voice was cold, emotionless.

"But…"

His glare silenced me. I had never seen him glare at anyone like that. He was so angry…

I shrank back against the pillows, tugging the blankets tighter around me.

He dressed and stormed out of the bedroom, leaving me all alone.

* * *

**James' POV**

I wasn't entirely sure where I was going. I just knew I needed to get away from Katie. Maybe I was being harsh or overemotional, but I couldn't get the scars on her arm out of my head. Her self-inflicted scars.

How could she do that to herself? How could she cause herself even more pain? How could she risk her life like that? All it would take was one slip of the razor to kill her. How could she put herself in that kind of danger? How could her life mean that little to her?

I ended up driving around in circles. Just as I was considering heading home, my phone beeped. I checked it, and groaned. It was from Savannah: **Hey, hon. Could I get your help really quickly? I'm trying to move this box of books from my room to the attic.**

I sighed, and texted her back, **I'm on my way.**

I headed to Savannah and Dad's house. I parked, and went in. I found Savannah in hers and Dad's bedroom, kneeling beside a cardboard box. She smiled when she saw me.

"Oh, good, you're here."

"Yeah. Lucky me." I helped her move the box to the attic. Once we were finished, I headed back downstairs.

"I'll see you later," I told her. "Maybe at the hospital."

"Wait – you're leaving?" she gave me a sad, wounded look. "But I'm all alone here. Can't you stay for a little while?"

I shook my head. "I have to get home."

"Come on, James, just for an hour?"

"No," I said a little more firmly. "And no, I'm not sleeping with you. I regret ever doing it, and it won't be happening again."

She walked over to me, placed her hands on my chest, and pressed her lips to mine.

I almost gagged, and shoved her away from me. "What part of _no_ are you not getting? You're my stepmom, and you're a crazy bitch. And even if you weren't, I can't do this to Katie."

Her eyes narrowed. "_Katie_?" she said sharply. "Who the hell is Katie?"

Did I seriously just say what I think I just said? Did I really just say _I can't do this to Katie_? Like we were dating? In a relationship? Had actual feelings for each other?

"None of your business," I snapped, heading for the door.

"So, is she a fuck buddy?" Savannah followed me, ignoring my previous statement. "A girlfriend?" She snorted. "I doubt it. You don't do girlfriends."

"It's none of your business," I repeated. "Leave me alone. Don't call me unless you need help packing Dad's stuff up. I don't want anything to do with you, got it?" And with those words, I slammed out of the house.

* * *

**Present Day**

**James' POV (Cont.)**

"I hate feelings," I mumbled, causing Katie to shake her head.

"You just don't understand them. You can't control them."

"I don't like them."

She looked at me, almost amused. "They scare you."

"Of course they scare me! I mean, if it wasn't for feelings, I wouldn't care about the scars on your wrist, or how you feel, or that you're safe, or – or – any of that stuff."

"You also wouldn't be able to be happy. Wouldn't that be awful?"

"Well…yeah…a little…"

She wrapped her arms around me. "Just relax. Take a deep breath. What happened next?"

"A lot of things…Too many things."

"So, start talking."

* * *

_**Whew! A lot of things happened in this chapter! So much drama! What'd you guys think? Sorry if any of it bothered you or freaked you out. That wasn't my intention at all, but there's a lot of darkness in this chapter, so for that I apologize.**_

**_If you're still talking to me, review and let me know what you thought of the chapter. The review button has been lonely for the past week, and I love hearing from you guys :)_**

**_One more thing...Jatieluv (the other half of JatieFantasy) and I have a poll up on our JatieFantasy profile page to decide which story we post next. So if you haven't already, head on over there and vote :)_**


	9. Chapter 8: One Step Forward

**_Whew! Chapter eight is up! Whoo hoo! And it's a slightly longer chapter than normal too._  
**

**_Disclaimer: Owning Big Time Rush would be incredible. But I haven't gotten the entitlement yet, so it hasn't happened. Sorry to disappoint._**

**_Guest: Thank you so much for your review! You're so sweet, and I'm so happy you liked the last chapter :)_**

_**THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, followed, or just simply read this story! I love you all so much! And thank you to everyone for your positive feedback for the last chapter. I know things got a little dark, so I'm really happy you were all okay with it :) I love you guys!**_

_**Warnings: Language, mentions of self-harm, mentions of date rape, non-graphic sexual content.**_

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter Eight: One Step Forward**

**James' POV**

I wasn't sure what to say to Katie. I had absolutely no idea. I was sure I had hurt her by storming out like that, and I had probably scared her as well. A month ago, it wouldn't have been a big deal. But now…

I heaved out a sigh as I pulled up into my driveway, parked, and got out. It was time to talk to Katie.

I went inside, and found her sitting at the kitchen table, nibbling on a _Toaster Strudel_. She had dressed and showered from the looks of things, and her arm had been bandaged up. Her eyes were cast down, and she didn't look at me as I walked into the kitchen.

"Hey," I said quietly.

"Hi," she replied, just as softly.

I walked over to the table and sat down beside her. "So…"

"So…?"

"Why did you do it? Why did you cut?"

She looked up at me, her bangs falling into her face. "Just – to deal with the pain…It was the only thing that really made me feel better, which is kind of ironic because it's self-harm. It was like the emotional pain was being transferred into physical, and I could deal with that. It kind of numbed it in a way." She took a deep breath. "Look, James, I'm not proud of it. But it's how I dealt with stuff. And I needed a few seconds to just feel okay last night. You're good – awesome – at taking away the pain. But you're not always around. I just broke down."

I didn't say anything for a couple of minutes. Once again, I wasn't sure what I could say. At least, I spoke: "Just…promise me you won't do it again. Ever. It's dangerous and unhealthy and just…" I shook my head.

She looked away from me. "So, I guess now you think I'm an emo freak, right?"

"No…I just…Look, I get it. I do understand. I never did that, but I did other stuff. It's how my sex habit got started. It's what I did to make myself feel better."

"I'm not sure that's entirely healthy either," she said dryly.

"No," I agreed, "it probably isn't. But it's what I did. And at the time, it was what I needed."

"That's what this was. Everything was just a complete mess. When I started it…I was hurt. I was fourteen, and you had just broken my heart."

"I didn't mean to – "

She held up her hand. "I know you didn't. I know that now. But back then it was the worst feeling ever. We were at the homecoming dance, and it was my very first one. I was so excited, because you had told me to save you a dance. But you disappeared, and I was bored and lonely because everyone else was dancing with someone else, and I didn't have anyone to dance with. So I went to find you. Someone had told me they had seen you go out to the parking lot. I walked over to your car, thinking that you were getting something out of it or whatever…and there you were, half-naked, with a girl only a year older than me. I remember you were kissing her, but you must have seen me come up out of the corner of your eye or something, because you locked eyes with me, but you didn't pull back from her. I wasn't what you wanted. And you made sure I knew that."

I looked at her sadly, the memory coming back to me. "Katie…I'm so sorry…I was seventeen and a total ass."

"I know. I know. It's just…it's when everything seemed to start going downhill. We stopped speaking after that, or when we did, it was to exchange jabs and insults. All the girls who worshipped you started treating me like crap. I mean, they'd treated me like crap because I was friends with you, but then they switched reasons – I was just a little fourteen year old girl, and who did I think I was, insulting you?" She snorted. "Bitches. But it was okay, because I still had Kendall, Logan, Carlos, Jo, Camille, and Stephanie."

"You had me too," I told her quietly. "When I heard people saying stuff about you, I told them to knock it off, that they didn't know you. I knew I'd hurt you, but I didn't know how to say sorry. And having to say sorry would mean admitting that what I did was wrong, and I didn't want to have to do that."

She nodded silently.

"But I did try to help you."

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me," she said quietly.

"So, you started cutting because you were bullied?"

"Yeah. Things weren't great in sophomore year. Nothing compared to eleventh grade, but still, it wasn't exactly fun. And since almost no one would talk to me…" She shrugged and sighed. "And then I was roofied in junior year, and I just lost it. It felt like my only way out. I finally managed to get myself out of it enough to stop cutting, but it was a slow process. But I did try. I really tried. Things just blew up last night, and I lost it again."

"I just – I'm mad, because I don't want you to hurt yourself," I said softly. "And I don't like thinking about how hurt you were, or what drove you to it."

"I'm sorry."

"Just…try not to do it again. Please. I really do care about you, and I don't want anything to happen to you."

Katie nodded. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For…for trying to understand. For trying to see my point of view on things. For listening to me."

"Oh. You're welcome. It's no problem." I watched as she finished her _Toaster Strudel_ off, and she got to her feet.

"I need to check to see if my mom's called or texted me," she said grimly.

"What if she wants you to come home?"

"Then…I don't know." She sighed. "It's not her fault, and I'm proud of her for finally kicking Dad out. It's about fucking time in my opinion. But…a few months ago, if she had kicked him out, I would've been dancing with joy, because it'd mean that the tension in my house had finally reached breaking point. But now…I don't even know. I just want them to be happy and together again." With those words, she headed back upstairs to my – our – room.

I sighed too, staying at the table. It felt like the lines of our relationship were beginning to blur. Maybe they'd been slowly blurring for weeks, and I just hadn't noticed. But with Katie moving in here, at least for the time being, and the sudden onslaught of feelings and caring and need, I was starting to wonder if we were moving into a romantic relationship with neither of us even noticing.

But how did that even work? Wouldn't we have noticed?

Maybe not, not if we had slowly been easing into it. But there was a reason why she had called me and she hadn't called any of her other friends, and it wasn't just because I was great in bed. There was a reason why I had said what I had said to Savannah. There was a reason why I cared whether or not Katie was okay.

And as much as it scared me, I couldn't imagine not having Katie in my life. The very idea terrified me out of my mind. And as much as I hated to admit it, I needed her. There was just something about her that I was drawn to, something that kept me mesmerized, something that comforted me.

It hit me like a brick wall: I was falling in love with Katie.

* * *

**Katie's POV**

Once I was up in James' room, I grabbed my phone from my purse and checked it. I had a single text from my mom, which was time stamped 10:50AM. Fifteen minutes ago.

**Where are you?** was all the text said.

Great. Hello, Robot Mother.

I quickly texted her back, **I'm at James'. He said I could stay with him.**

At least that might get a rise out of her.

She replied, **Okay, good to know you're safe.**

Or not.

I sighed and sat down on the bed. Yeah, I definitely wasn't going home now. I mean, I got her being glad that I was safe at a familiar person's house, but it was _James_. I mean, at least she could have told me to use protection.

Or maybe she just didn't think I'd ever do that with him. Maybe she thought we had reverted back to our old brother/sister relationship, before my stupid schoolgirl crush had gotten in the way of everything. Yeah, that was probably what it was. She wasn't concerned about me being with James because she thought our relationship was strictly platonic.

If only she knew.

There was a knock on the door frame, and I looked up to see James in the doorway. "So, I was thinking about going to visit my dad in the hospital today," he told me.

"Oh, okay."

"Do you want to come with me?"

My eyes widened. Had he just asked me to come visit his dad with him?

"I mean," he said quickly, "if you don't want to, I completely understand. It won't be fun or anything, you know, because it's a hospital, but it'd be kind of nice to have you there. And you're a part of my life – a big part. And I think he should know that."

I nodded slowly, although I was a little confused. "You really want to admit that I'm a part of your life?"

"You've always been a part of my life. But now we're being pushed closer together. You're still Katie-Bear to me," he added. "And you always will be."

I smiled a little at his childhood nickname for me. "And you're still Jamie-Bear, no matter what."

He sat down next to me and wrapped an arm around me. "Even after I was such an ass to you? Even after this morning, when I left you after I promised I wouldn't?"

I leaned into him, breathing in his scent. "This morning was…it doesn't count. And you came back. That's the important part. You came back."

"I'll always come back," he murmured. "Always."

I pulled back so that I could look up into his face. "Promise?"

"I promise. And I won't ever leave you again. It won't happen."

"Okay." I snuggled into him again. "When did you want to leave to see your dad?"

"Maybe in a half hour or so? If that works for you, I mean. Did you hear from your mom?"

"Yeah." I relayed the message to him, and he shook his head.

"If only she knew…"

"Agreed."

"Well," he got to his feet. "I'm gonna go shave and take a quick shower." He pecked my lips and headed into the bathroom. I laid back on his bed, my mind beginning to spin. Was it just me, or did things feel…different between us? They had felt different last night, when he had come running out of his house to get me. And now…we were kissing and hugging and it wasn't even about sex. It was like we were in a relationship. I mean, he asked me to come with him to see his dad in the hospital. You don't ask your enemy with benefits to do that. No. You ask your girlfriend.

But that was just it. I wasn't his girlfriend. I was the random girl who he slept with and who was now living in his house. I was his best friend's little sister. I was his Katie-Bear. I was the girl he protected, who he talked to, who he kissed. But I wasn't his girlfriend…Wait. Maybe I was. Maybe I was, and we just hadn't realized it. Maybe our…whatever the hell this was…had morphed into something else, something that neither of us had even considered. It was almost like a relationship, a real one, one that wasn't simply about comfort and anger. Whatever it was, it felt like love. Unconditional love, pure and simple and easy, but passionate and desperate and full of need, the kind of love so many people dream about having.

But what were the chances that that was what this had turned into? Up until recently, we could barely have a conversation without insulting each other. And now…neither of us had said it, but last night hadn't felt the way it usually did. Maybe it was corny and cheesy and something straight out of a bad romance novel, but it had felt like we were making love. But hadn't that disappeared with corsets and hoop skirts and carriages? It wasn't around anymore; or, at the very least, you never heard about it. No one I knew had ever made love with their significant other. Well, at the very least, they didn't advertise it.

But I couldn't imagine it happening with anyone else, I really couldn't. What had happened last night, everything that I had felt and experienced, that could only have happened to James and me, not to anyone else. It was our moments, our time together, our memories, our experience. No one else's. And whatever it was that we had shared, we would always have it, always be bonded together, always be connected through that. And no one could change that or take it away from us. It had been special and extraordinary and perfect. I wouldn't have wanted it to be any other way.

I could hear James' electric razor buzzing softly from the bathroom that adjoined to his bedroom. It was almost peaceful to listen to, a comforting noise that reminded me he was only a few yards away.

I frowned a little. I shouldn't have had to listen to comforting noises to remind me that he was only a few yards away. Hell, I shouldn't even be thinking about that. And I shouldn't even be missing him! And yet…I was. He was in the next room, but I missed him. How the hell did that even happen? How can you miss someone when they're mere yards away from you?

I was attached to him. I had grown attached to him all over again, just as I had been when I was fourteen. Terrific. That was just what I needed, to get attached to him while my entire life was crumbling to pieces. He would most likely go down with me, and I didn't want that. Besides, he probably didn't feel the same way about me that I felt about him.

Somehow, that thought depressed me more than I would have liked.

I heard the buzzer turn off, and a moment later, the shower came on, the pipes gurgling.

I closed my eyes, listening to the shower running. I could no longer deny that I wasn't falling deep and hard for James, and I didn't want to. And after everything that had happened between us, I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, he felt the same way about me. While the chances weren't fantastic, they were better than they could have been.

But to know for sure, I would have to ask him.

Feeling restless, and still craving James, I pushed myself to my feet and headed into the bathroom.

"James?"

"Yeah? You need something?" he called back to me.

"No. Just…can I join you?"

"Didn't you already shower?"

"Yeah…but I still want to join you."

There was a pause, and then he replied, "Come on in."

I stripped out of my clothes, leaving them in a huddle on the floor. James pulled the shower door back as I approached and I got in.

"I wasn't content with just taking over your room – I decided I needed to take over your shower too," I grinned at him, and he grinned back at me, wrapping his arms around my bare waist.

"Sweetie, you can take over my shower any time you want to."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"Good." And he kissed me.

I kissed him back, winding my arms around his neck and pulling him closer. He deepened the kiss, tugging me plush against him. I moaned against his lips, trying to memorize the feeling of his body, hard and lined with muscle, pressed up firmly against mine; the way his arms circled my waist, hands at my lower back, keeping me lined up with him.

He licked at my lower lip and I opened my mouth, granting him entrance. He slid his tongue in, outlining every crevice, every hollow of my mouth, cheeks, gums. I lifted one leg to wrap around his waist, and he picked me up. I draped my other leg over his hip, and he braced me against the shower wall.

I gripped him tightly, and he pulled back to look at me. His eyes were smoldering, lips dark red, face flushed. Our eyes locked for a long moment, and then he was kissing me again. Hot. Hard. Passionately. Desperately. Like he couldn't get enough. Like I was everything that he needed. Like he was a hot, dry desert and I was the rainstorm about to blow in. But I couldn't complain, not with the way he had just looked at me.

I moved my hand up so that I could tangle my fingers in his hair, tugging on it slightly. He moaned slightly, and pulled back so that he could ravish my neck and upper chest with his mouth. Mmm…no complaints there either.

His lips continued to move over my body, sucking, nipping, kissing. All too soon, and yet not soon enough, he was lining us up and slowly pushing into me. I sank my nails into his shoulders, eyes closing and moaning. His hips moved against mine, lips still moving over every inch of my body that he could get to.

It was just like last night, gentle, sweet, loving, passionate. Not fucking. Not even close.

After what felt like mere seconds, but was probably at least a few minutes, I felt myself clench around him, causing me to tip my head back, moaning his name. He followed me with a low groan, my name spilling from his lips.

I leaned forward, resting my forehead against his shoulder, breathing heavily. He stroked my hair, chest heaving as he worked on catching his breath.

After several moments, I pulled back to look up at him. He brushed his lips over mine, letting them linger for a few seconds, before slowly pulling back. That was something he wouldn't have done a month ago, but now there was just something about it that felt like second nature.

I looked up at him, and I lifted my hand to gently run it down his face, stroking his cheek. He closed his eyes, sighing softly as he leaned into my touch.

At last, he set me down and we got out of the shower, wrapping towels around ourselves.

"You know, you're a major distraction," he informed me as we dried off.

I grinned at him cheekily. "But a good one."

"A very good one."

We dressed, grabbed what we needed to, and headed out to his car.

"So," James said once he had pulled out of the neighborhood, "I was kind of thinking about something…"

"Is that my cue to be shocked?"

"Oh, ha, ha, very funny."

I shrugged. "So, what were you thinking about?"

"You, and being roofied."

My stomach dropped slightly. "Oh."

He nodded. "I just – it's not right that whoever did it got away with it. Maybe we could find them somehow, figure out who it was."

I looked at him. "And how do you suggest we do that? James, it was two years ago. Whoever did it could have graduated from college and moved away by now."

He pursed his lips. "It's occurred to me. But I still want to poke around a little bit, see if I can turn up anything. Maybe someone will remember something."

"James, you know what those parties are like. Everyone was either high or drunk or both. I don't think anyone's going to remember anything."

"But it's still worth a try," he insisted. "If nothing pops up, then I'll stop. But, it's just not right. Whoever raped you shouldn't have gotten away with it in the first place. You were only sixteen; it isn't fair. It's not fair that you don't remember your first time, and that it caused you so much trauma. You should at least know who did it, so that you can look that person in the face and make your peace with what happened. You deserve that much."

I looked down at my lap. I had mixed feelings about him digging around, trying to find something. On the one hand, there was a part of me that had always struggled with not knowing what had happened that night. But on the other hand, I wasn't sure I actually wanted to face the guy who had done it. I wasn't positive I could look him in the face without breaking down. Plus, what if it looked like something was about to turn up, and then nothing came of it? I'd be getting my hopes up for nothing. I just wasn't sure I could deal with it. I was already on a towering and twisted emotional roller coaster – I didn't need to add another couple of loops to it.

"I don't have to," James told me, as if he had been reading my thoughts. "But I'd like to. I'm probably not going to find anything, but it might make us both feel better."

I bit my lip, thinking it over. At last, I nodded. "Yeah. If you want to, then go for it. But I really don't think you're going to find anything. It was two years ago, at a college party."

"I know. But something might turn up, you never know."

"True."

A little while later, he pulled into the hospital parking lot. He parked the car and we got out, heading into the hospital's lobby. James led me over to the elevators, and off we went.

We got out of the elevator on the fourth floor, and we walked down the hall, occasionally dodging a nurse. We reached a private room, and James opened the door, letting me step into the room first, before coming in behind me and letting the door fall closed quietly.

The room was decent sized, with a large window, the curtains pulled back so that the weak late fall sun could shin into the room. There was a TV propped up on a table, and several chairs were spread around the room.

Laying in the bed was a man, balding with pale, papery skin. I knew that Ben Diamond couldn't have been older than fifty, but he looked as if he was seventy.

I felt James reach for my hand and I laced our fingers together, giving him a reassuring smile. Pushing his shoulders back, he led me over to his dad, who immediately brightened up when he saw us.

"James! How're you doing?" he asked, sitting up and beaming at us.

"I'm doing good. How about you?" James asked he reached over to give his dad a hug.

I felt my face break out into a smile. I had grown up with James, so naturally I knew Mr. Diamond fairly well, but I hadn't seen him since I was fourteen or so, and I had never seen him greet James so enthusiastically, or see James hug him. It was a nice thing to see, especially since I knew James had always felt a little lost and empty without the company of his father. He hadn't talked about it much, but it was obvious that it was there.

"Eh, can't complain," Mr. Diamond replied to James' question. "I'm feeling better than I have been. The doctors say that I might just be improving."

"Has the tumor disappeared?" James asked hopefully, taking a seat beside the bed and gesturing for me to sit down next to him. I did so, waiting for Mr. Diamond's answer.

"No, it's still spreading," Mr. Diamond told him. "But they're working on slowing down the growth. They said that they might be able to add another year or so onto my life, at the very least."

James beamed. "That's awesome!"

"It is. So don't start planning my funeral yet," Mr. Diamond joked, grinning at his son.

"Wouldn't dream of it," James shot back, grinning too.

Mr. Diamond's smile widened, before his gaze slid past James to me. "Well, well, well. Katie Knight, is it?"

I nodded. "Hi, Mr. Diamond."

"How are you, honey?"

"Not too bad. Sounds like you're doing well."

"Considering my situation, I'm as healthy as I can be." He smiled at me. "So, are you two dating?"

That elicited an awkward pause, and then James said, "Um…no, we're not. We're just…we're friends."

Mr. Diamond's brow furrowed, but he nodded. "Ah, I see. Well, it's nice to see one of your friends again."

James nodded.

We chatted with him for a little while, telling him about school and our upcoming history project. After about half an hour or so, Mr. Diamond addressed James: "Could you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Could you go and ask a nurse to bring me some food? I'm starving."

"I'm on it." James got to his feet and hustled out of the room, leaving me with his dad.

Mr. Diamond turned to me, raising an eyebrow at me. "So, just friends, huh?"

I fought back a blush. "Yeah, we're friends."

"My son does not hold hands with his friends."

"That – that was a special moment…"

"Look, Katie, I'll be honest with you. I wanted to talk to you alone, because if I say anything to James, he'll immediately shut me down."

"Oh. Well, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"My son. And what your relationship with him is."

I snorted. "Honestly, I'd like to know that myself."

"Well, that answers my question," he chuckled. "Would James be able to answer it?"

I shook my head. "I highly doubt it. I think he's just as…confused…as me."

"You know, I think I'm gonna go ahead and take a shot at what your _relationship_ is now – you're sleeping together, and there's nothing else, or not technically."

This time I actually did blush.

"You're not just a bed buddy to him," Mr. Diamond told me quietly. "I can see the way he looks at you, and you at him. There's more to it than that, much more."

"I don't know…"

"I do. I know my son. I may not have been the best father to him, and I may not have always been there – okay, I wasn't a good father and I was never there – but I do know him. And believe me, he hasn't even brought his best friends here to see me. He hasn't brought anyone, until you. That tells me a lot. Plus, Savannah was here earlier, complaining about him running off with some girl named Katie, which I immediately figured was you."

I blinked at him. "What does Savannah have to do with anything? Why was she complaining about me?"

"Because she wants my son."

"Whoa. Back up. _What_?! And you're just talking about this all politely and calmly? Your wife's a fucking cougar who wants to fuck your son and you're not even upset?!"

Mr. Diamond shook his head. "Katie, honey, calm down. I always knew that Savannah married me for my money, that she never truly loved me. At the time, that was enough. I had a beautiful, young trophy wife who I could show off to my friends and fellow CEOs. That was all that was important to me. Savannah could buy anything she wanted, and she was living in beautiful mansions. But now…The first time James came here, he was with Savannah. And I could see something between them. Not what I see with you two. More like them both getting nervous and twitchy and I knew that something had happened between them. He's closer to her age anyway, so in a way it made sense. And then I began thinking back on some of the stuff that had happened, stuff that I remembered Savannah saying or doing, or the way she would act around James when he was younger, and it all finally clicked in my head."

I stared at him. "And you're just fine with this?"

"I'm not. But it doesn't hurt as much as you'd think. In a way, I deserve it."

"How? How does someone deserve to be stabbed in the back by both their wife and their son?"

"Because I stabbed my ex-wife and my son in the back. It's karma, Katie. I left Brooke for Savannah, when she was the one I should have stayed with for the rest of my life. I would have gone back to Brooke in a heartbeat, but I was too proud, too stubborn, to admit that I was wrong. Once Savannah and I had come out to the public, we _had_ to get married, otherwise everyone would think that I had thrown away my marriage for a stupid fling. And the worst part was that they would have been right. She didn't mean anything to me. I was stupid and selfish and I had a wonderful wife who did her best to love me, and I didn't know how to appreciate it. And then there was my son who practically worshipped the ground I walked on, but I never showed him that I loved him. I don't think I even ever told him that more than a couple of times in his entire life. So, I married a woman who didn't love me anymore than I loved her, who was waiting impatiently for the time when she could come onto my son, who hated my guts. I set myself up for it."

"It still isn't fair."

"It's not fair, but the truth is, none of it is," Mr. Diamond told me with a shrug. "And I can tell by the way both James and Savannah act that whatever happened between them isn't going on anymore. I think that's why Savannah is so upset about you – because she knows that as long as you're in James' life, she can't have him. I married a psycho," he chuckled.

"You could divorce her," I suggested.

"I could, but I won't. I do care about her, but it's more as a younger sister. Besides, she's going to need money once I do die, and me remaining married to her will ensure that she has what she needs to take care of herself. And divorcing her won't keep her away from James. Besides, he's twenty-one, a grown man. He's a consenting adult, and there's nothing I can do. As long as she never did anything when he was underage, I can't take legal actions against her."

"Oh."

"My original point is, James obviously cares about you, more than you seem to know. So whatever happens, I wish you two the best."

"Thanks."

He nodded, just as James came back into the room with the nurse, who was carrying a tray of food. She set it on Mr. Diamond's lap and told us to come and get her if he needed anything else, before leaving.

Mr. Diamond looked over at me. "Katie, could you give a moment alone with my son?"

I nodded and got up, leaving the room. I hoped that whatever Mr. Diamond had to say to James would help him figure out what he wanted from me. And if James really had had a fling with Savannah, then he would probably be consumed with guilt as well. Which he should be, but I didn't want him to be miserable. We all made mistakes, and he shouldn't have to be haunted by what he had done for the rest of his life, the way his dad was.

I sat down on a nearby bench to wait.

* * *

**James' POV**

"So, what's up?" I asked Dad as I took my seat again.

"I want to talk to you about Savannah."

"Oh." My stomach clenched. "What about her?"

"I know you two had a fling of sorts."

"Dad…oh my God…I'm so sorry! I really am! I never meant for it to happen! I mean, I kind of did, but I felt awful afterwards! And it only happened a few times, and it'll never happen again. I was just so angry and I wanted revenge and I'm so, so, so sorry!" I was almost crying by this point, so ashamed and horrified by what I had done.

Dad raised his hand. "Stop. I know you are, James. I can see it in your face. I can hear it in your voice."

"I'm so sorry – "

"I don't want you to apologize. The truth is, I think it was karma catching up to me."

"You – what?"

"Karma."

"But…why?"

He took a deep breath and began to explain to me everything that no one had bothered to tell me when my parents had divorced. How he had left my mom for Savannah, simply because she had caught him with her and he had felt forced to marry her; how he cared about Savannah, but as a sister; how he knew he had been such a horrible father to me, and how he had finally realized that his wife had been waiting for the moment when she could pounce on me; how sorry he was that he had put me in so many bad situations, and how bad he felt about being such a terrible example; and how he still loved my mom, no matter what had happened. How he felt that leaving my mom for Savannah had quite possibly been the greatest mistake of his life, and how he knew that he could never take it back.

I listened to him talk, not saying anything. At last, he fell silent, looking at me expectedly.

"That…honestly, Dad? That's all royally fucked up."

He chuckled. "Don't I know it? If I could go back and redo it, change all my decisions, I would. I would take it all back in a second. I can only hope that you and your mom will forgive me."

"I've already forgiven you," I told him. "I love you, and no matter what we've done, I always will."

"Thank you," he almost whispered, reaching over to take my hand into his worn one. "Now…let's talk about the beautiful girl who you brought to see me."

I looked down. Katie.

"What's going on with you two? I asked her, but she said that she didn't know, and that you probably didn't either."

"I – I honestly have no idea," I admitted. "It's just…it's fucked up. Our relationship is fucked up."

"But you two care about each other."

I nodded. "We do."

"Do you love her?"

"I – what?"

"Do you love her?" he repeated.

"I – I think I do…" Whoa. I didn't think admitting it aloud would sound so strange, or cause my heart to beat rapidly against my ribcage, but it did.

Dad smiled slightly. "Good. Because I think she loves you too."

I shook my head. "I doubt it, I really do."

"Well, don't. Whatever you two have, it's special. Don't go and throw it away. You two deserve each other. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but you need each other."

I wordlessly nodded.

"So, there you go. It's obvious what you two need to do."

"I don't – I don't know…"

"You do. You do know. So do it. Tell her what she needs to hear. Don't waste your time with her, James. Eventually, she'll get sick and tired of playing games. She's going to want some commitment, or at least a hint of stability."

"Yeah, I know, especially now."

"Especially now?"

I nodded. "Her parents separated last night. So she's staying with me for awhile."

His face fell. "Jenn and Ken?"

"Yeah."

"Oh man…"

"I know."

"That poor girl."

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm glad you're there for her. I remember after whatever happened in high school between you two, you were pretty crushed. You were a mess."

"I missed her," I said quietly. "I hurt her. I broke her heart."

"And it looks like you're putting it back together. You're a much better man than I ever managed to be, and I'm so proud of you for being able to admit that you're in love. It's something that I always struggled with."

"But I haven't said it to her."

"But you admitted it aloud to me, so that's a good start." He smiled at me. "I love you, James. You're my son, and I'm so proud of you, of everything that you've become."

"Even after everything I've done?"

"Yes, because you're trying to correct your mistakes. I never tried to do that either. But you're doing what you can, and that shows what a good, strong person you are. I could never be disappointed in you, James. Never. I love you."

"I love you too."

He smiled at me. "Now, bring your not-girlfriend back into the room. I want to embarrass you by telling her humiliating stories about you."

"Aww, man!"

He grinned. "It's my job as your father to embarrass you."

I pouted, but got up from my chair and went over to the door, opening it. I immediately spotted Katie down the hall, playing a game on her phone. She looked up at me, feeling my eyes on her.

"You can come back in now," I smiled at her.

"Okay." She pocketed her phone and stood up, joining me. Once she was inside, I closed the door and we sat back down.

And that's how we spent the rest of the afternoon, listening to my dad tell stories about me that I didn't even know he remembered.

And the honest truth was that I wouldn't have wanted to spend that day in any other way.

* * *

**James' POV (Cont.)**

Katie smiled as she looked outside. The sky was beginning to turn pink and orange, the sun slowly rising. "That was a really good day," she said softly, entwining her fingers with mine. "I never knew you were so scared of clowns."

I pouted. "I was five, okay? Clowns were scary! I mean, what's up with the noses and the makeup?"

She chuckled. "You're so cute."

There was a long pause, and then I looked at her. "I am?"

"Yes, you are, but you already know that."

I smiled slightly, before turning to look back out the window. "We're almost there, aren't we? We're almost to present day."

"We are."

"So much has happened in the past few months…"

"I know," she said quietly. "But it's not over yet. And I have a feeling that there's going to be more that'll happen."

"Agreed." We stood there in silence for a few minutes, and then I asked, "So, what happened next?"

Katie took a deep breath, and began to speak.

* * *

_**Wow...so much drama in the Diamond family! And so much happening with James and Katie! What'd you guys think? Sorry if it got too wordy, but it was necessary to get the different points of this chapter across.**_

_**So, you know the review button? Well, okay, now it's more of just a rectangle where you can write in your review, but there's still a "Post Review" button. Anyway. Let's talk about the review button. It's sad. Lonely. The holidays are coming up, and it doesn't have any family to spend that time with. As a result, it's been getting drunk off of butterbeer (anyone get the reference? ;)) and it needs to sober up and be happy again. So, if you click on it, it'll start cheering up and might remember how loved it is! Also, you know how much I love hearing from everyone. Hearing from you guys always make my day that much better. Love you guys!**_

_**Oh, one more thing...If you haven't already, go over to the JatieFantasy profile and vote for which story you want Jatieluv and me (as JatieFantasy) to post next :)**_


	10. Chapter 9: Family Therapy

**_Another update for Touch the Flame! Can I get a woo hoo?_  
**

**_Disclaimer: I. Do. Not. Own. Big. Time. Rush._**

**_Maslover2626: Thank you so much! I'm so happy you're enjoying it! And thank you for reviewing :)_**

**_startrekwarrior12: Since your PM thing is disabled, I figured I'd respond to you this way :) Anyway, thank you so much for your review! It made my day. I'm so relieved that you think that I did Katie's feelings about the rape really well, because honestly, it's tricky to figure it out. So thank you for that :)_**

**_THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, followed, or read this story! LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!_**

**_Warnings: Not a lot of warnings for this one. Just suggestiveness and language I guess. Oh, and Kendall being a complete ass (sorry, Kendall lovers, don't hate me, okay?)_**

**_So, this chapter is more of a filler. It was supposed to be longer, but I wanted to get it up today, so most of what I had planned to happen in this chapter probably won't happen until the next chapter. But there's still some important stuff, so it's not all fluff and whatnot._**

**_Hope you enjoy the chapter!_**

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Family Therapy**

**Katie's POV**

I awoke the next morning cocooned in James' sheets, his arms around me. I smiled to myself, hearing his steady breathing, and feeling the solid lines of his body pressed against mine. Definitely something I could get used to.

I turned over so that I could face him. He sighed in his sleep and pulled me closer to him. My smile widened and I snuggled into him, closing my eyes again.

Finally, he began to stir. He opened his eyes, blinking at me sleepily. Oh my gosh…he was so adorable…and he was mine. Well, as much of mine as James Diamond could ever be. I had him, probably more than any other girl ever had. If I had known when I was fourteen that four years later I would be waking up next to him…It probably would have saved a lot of teenage angst. Plus, it would have given me something to look forward to.

But maybe it was a good thing that I hadn't known. If I had, things might not have gone the way they had. And honestly, at this point, I couldn't imagine doing anything differently, and if I got presented with the chance to change what had happened, I was beginning to think that I wouldn't. I would let it play out the way it had, because that was the way it had been meant to happen.

I smiled and almost squealed to myself. James and I were meant to be! Well, okay, not meant to be, meant to be, but still, pretty close. And who knows what could happen in the future? At fourteen, I wouldn't have even considered the fact that one day I might end up with James, and yet, here I was, laying in his arms, in his bed. It didn't get much better than that.

"Morning," James mumbled, reaching over so that he could sleepily kiss me. I kissed him back, before pulling back. He moved closer to me, sliding down so that he could rest his head on my bare chest, sighing contentedly. I ran my fingers through his messy air, feeling my smile widen even more. How was it possible to wake up feeling this good, feeling this happy? We hadn't even said "I love you", but we might as well have, with how happy I was. It shouldn't have been possible, but it was.

"Morning," I replied. "How'd you sleep?"

"Pretty good. You?"

"Really good."

"Sounds like a good thing."

"Mmm hmm. It is."

He tilted his head so that he could smile up at me. "You know, you're really beautiful."

I blushed. "No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You're gorgeous. I've always thought so."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What? I have. Even in high school. Just because I didn't want to hook up with you didn't mean anything. You were like my little sister, and I respected you."

"And if you knew you'd end up...like this…with me…What would you have done?" I asked him, genuinely curious.

He shrugged. "Nothing different. Mainly because I was a stupid seventeen year old boy."

"But if you could do it all over…would you? Would you change anything?"

He didn't even pause. "No, I wouldn't. Well, I might change hurting you, but that's the only thing."

"Really?"

James nodded. "Yeah. I wouldn't want to risk changing anything that might not lead us to this."

I smiled. "Neither would I. And honestly, I don't think I'd change you hurting me. It's a part of our relationship and who we were. It's our history."

"You really feel that way?"

"Yeah, I do. I'd rather have had that experience, rather than risk not having you now. I never realized how much I needed you until everything started going downhill with my family. And now…" I shrugged. "I care about you."

"But do you like me?"

I was stunned. The question sounded like it had just slipped out of his mouth, unbidden. He had sounded scared and vulnerable, not at all his usual cocky and self-assured self.

Before I could say anything, he rolled over, burying his face in my chest, hiding it. He cheeks were flaming hot against my bare skin, and I almost laughed at how embarrassed he suddenly was.

I kept running my fingers through his hair. "You know what? I actually do. I like you. A lot."

He looked up at me, eyes wide and just as vulnerable as his voice had been. "Do you?"

"I do. I thought it was obvious how I feel."

He shook his head. "It's not."

"Oh. Well…do you like me?"

"Yeah. A lot."

I smiled, and he slowly smiled back.

I pulled him up so that we were face to face, and pressed my lips to his. He kissed me back, bracing himself over me. I deepened the kiss, smiling into it, before pulling away. He looked at me questioningly.

"I just realized…today's Sunday."

"Yeah…and?"

"We have to go to school tomorrow. Which means, we need to do homework."

"Crap," he groaned. "Well, I don't have that much. How about you?"

"Not too much. I should be done in a couple of hours."

"Good. Same. Then we can get back to the really important stuff."

"Like what?" I asked, pushing the covers back and crawling out of bed.

"Like showing each other how much we like each other."

I chuckled. "You can show me how much you like me in the shower."

"I'm game." He got out of bed too, picked me up, and hightailed it into the bathroom.

Sunday went by much too fast. We got through our homework and spent the rest of the day hanging out together.

I didn't hear from either of my parents until that evening, when my mom texted me: **I called your brother to let him know that your dad's gone. But we're all going to meet up on Friday evening at 7 with a family counselor to talk things over. I'll text you the address tomorrow. Love you. –Mom**.

"Well?" James asked me as I set my phone down on the nightstand. "What'd she want?"

"She called Kendall to let him know about Dad, but they've arranged to have us all talk to a family counselor on Friday evening."

"Oh." His brow furrowed slightly. "That sounds like a good thing."

I nodded. "It does. It sounds like maybe they're trying to figure this thing out. But maybe it's just so that Kendall and I won't end up hating them."

"Maybe. Speaking of Kendall, have you talked to him lately?"

"Not since Friday at lunch."

"Damn."

"I know." I sighed. "So much has happened since then." I pulled my knees up to my chest. "I hope he doesn't hate me for not contacting him. I just – I couldn't tell him. It wasn't my responsibility. And he's been so…casual about it all…He always thought I was overreacting. He didn't live with them so he didn't know. But it didn't matter, he always refused to listen to me, no matter what."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It's not your fault. And then this happened and I just wasn't ready to talk to him."

"What happens when he asks where you're staying?"

"I don't know," I sighed again. "Is it okay if I tell him I'm staying with you?"

James nodded. "Go ahead. I have a spare room, and he's under the impression that we don't actually like each other."

"But we're living in the same house…" I pointed out.

"True. Well, he'll probably assume that I still see you as a little sister. Believe me, I don't think he's going to get suspicious."

"Logan might though."

"Logan can't do anything about it. And I don't think he would anyway. He'll want to see it all play out."

"Yeah, you're right. He won't want to interfere, it's really not his style."

"Exactly. So we have nothing to worry about."

I nodded in agreement.

James laid back on his elbows. "Don't worry, Katie. I think the last thing he's going to have on his mind right now is you staying with me."

"Very true," I agreed, lying down beside him. He draped an arm over my waist, pulling me closer to him. I leaned into him, and kissed my left temple.

"Whatever happens with your family, I'm here for you," he told me quietly.

"The same goes for you," I replied, and he kissed me.

"Good."

I didn't see Kendall until lunch the next day, when I joined the guys at their usual table.

He looked up at me as I approached. "Mom called me," was all he said.

I nodded. "I know. She texted me last night."

"Right. And how long have you known about the split?"

"Since Friday…"

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"I thought to tell you. I just also thought it was their responsibility to let you know. I'm not the one with the marriage problems."

"They don't have marriage problems!"

"No? Then why the hell did Mom kick Dad out of the house?!"

"Why the hell are you asking me?!"

"Because you're the one who's so deep in denial you're practically drowning!"

"They're fighting, that's all!"

"Damn it, Kendall! Dad's cheating on Mom! It's why he's been so distant! It's why they've been fighting! It's why she kicked him out!"

"No it's not! It's because she's a selfish bitch and he's a fuck up prick! And you!" his eyes were burning with anger, hurt, sadness. "You don't even give a damn. You just want him out of the house."

"Why the fuck would I want my father out of the house?!"

"Because he told you the truth about James when you were fourteen and you didn't listen! Which is why you ended up so fucked up! You're always so adamant about how he's to blame, but if you had just listened, you wouldn't have gotten hurt! But oh no, you knew everything. It's your own fucking fault you got hurt! And if you had just learned to keep your mouth shut, you wouldn't have been bullied in high school! Everything that you blame on everyone else is your fault, Katie. You just don't know how to take responsibility."

I got to my feet calmly, but my breathing was beginning to pick up. I coolly picked up my iced tea and threw it right into Kendall's face. "Maybe you should just grow the fuck up. Call me once that happens. Until then, I don't want to talk to you."

And with that, I stormed out of the cafeteria. Once I was outside, I broke out into a run, dashing across campus. People stared at me, some whispering, some yelling when I almost collided with them, but I didn't bother giving them so much as a second glance. I was too busy fighting tears and the urge to scream.

I finally reached the parking lot and found my car. Because James' and my schedules were liable to change, depending on the day, we had agreed to just take separate cars. Plus, we didn't want to tip people off to the fact that I was staying with them.

I unlocked my car and climbed in, buckling up and starting the car. I had no idea where I was going to go. I just knew that I needed to get away for a few hours.

I ended up driving out of Canton Lake, going into the next city and just riding around, letting myself have time to think. The problem was, my brain was so jumbled up that I had no idea what to even think about. I didn't want to think about what Kendall had said to me, I didn't want to be reminded of my parents, and I didn't want to focus on the fucked up relationship that James and I had. I still hadn't asked him about his stepmom, and I wasn't sure I was going to. From everything Mr. Diamond had said, the fling or whatever the hell it was had ended. It was no longer relevant to whatever James and I were. Maybe it never had been.

It was almost dark by the time I headed back towards Canton Lake, and by the time I pulled up in front of James' house, it was pitch black, except for the street lights.

As I pulled up into the driveway, I noticed that the living room lights were on, and James' car was already parked. He was home.

I parked the car, got out, and headed up to the front door. I turned the doorknob, half expecting it to be locked, but it turned easily in my hand. I pushed the door opened and stepped inside, letting the door fall closed behind me.

I could hear the sounds of a TV show coming from the living room, and I followed them in.

James was sitting on the couch, remote in hand, looking like he wasn't really focusing on the TV screen.

When I walked into the room, his eyes immediately shot to me. "Hey."

"Hey."

"Are you okay?" he asked me, moving over so that I could sit down next to him. "I thought about following you, but Logan said that you probably needed space, so…"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm…I'm okay, I guess."

"I can't believe Kendall said all those things to you," James said fiercely. "He had no right. I yelled at him after you left, but I don't think he was really listening – he was too busy trying to get the iced tea out of his hair."

"Good," I snorted. "If he wants to be so dense, then he should have something stupid to focus on."

"I'm really, really sorry. He's just in major denial. It's easier to take it out on you, rather than admit that his parents might not be perfect for each other."

"I've been trying to tell him that for ages and he never listened!"

"I know." He rubbed my leg comfortingly.

I sighed. "I just can't believe how messed up things have gotten. I swear, I say it every day, but it still hasn't really sunk in. This is my life. My father doesn't give a shit about my mom, my brother, or me. My mom's too busy being pissed at my dad to even pay any attention to me. And my brother blames me for the whole thing."

"Where do I fit in?" James asked, sounding almost scared.

I smiled a little. "It's ironic. I've been saying for so long that my life started going downhill because of you, but now you're probably the best thing in my life."

"Kendall said something about your dad telling you the truth about me…"

"What? Oh. Yeah. It wasn't anything I hadn't heard before. Just that you would never want me the way I wanted you." I shrugged. "Kendall's right – if I had listened, I probably wouldn't have gotten hurt."

"If I had been a better person, you wouldn't have gotten hurt either," James pointed out.

"Stop blaming yourself. We're both to blame."

"I'm more to blame."

I shook my head, laughing. "Nah uh. We're not arguing about whose fault it is more. We were a lot younger and we didn't know what we were doing. We both made mistakes. I was too young for you, I was too naïve."

"But you had a crush on me," James protested. "What I did to you was just plain nasty."

"Well, you were a nasty person," I shrugged. "But you felt bad about it. And you've more than made up for it."

"Yeah – I've given you lots of orgasms."

I smacked his shoulder. "That's not what I meant!"

"But it does help."

I chuckled. "I'm never telling."

"It does. It totally helps."

"I'm not talking about this anymore."

"Us or orgasms?"

"Orgasms."

He grinned. "Only for the time being."

"I'm not going to even dignify that with a response."

"Mmm hmm."

I shook my head. Boys.

"I do have a question for you though…" James said slowly, sounding a little unsure.

"Shoot."

"If I had shown an interest in you…Would you have slept with me?"

I turned to look at him, our eyes meeting. He held my gaze steadily for several seconds, before I broke it and looked down, not sure I really wanted to answer his question.

"You would've…"

"I – yeah – probably…"

He looked down too.

"I was actually considering it," I admitted quietly. "I knew what you did, I knew what you were like, but the thing was, you were you. You were my Jamie-Bear, the one who taught me how to rollerblade and skateboard and ice skate, who I could go to for anything. Even at fourteen, it just made sense for me to lose my virginity to you. And I really liked you. And I trusted you. When you told me to save you a dance, I got my hopes up. I had the night planned out in my mind perfectly. It didn't matter that I looked like I was ten. I was hoping you could see past that, and see me as, well, a woman." I laughed a little. "Obviously, you couldn't. My body hadn't caught up to my hormones or my thoughts, and it wouldn't for another year. I was almost fifteen by the time I could go out and actually buy a regular bra. I was thrilled when I finally got hips because it meant that I was no longer considered scrawny."

"Well, you grew up nicely," James said, sounding almost breathless.

"I like to think so."

"You know, if I had actually stuck around for another year, chances were I would have made a move," he told me honestly. "When I saw you in the coffee shop the first day I was back, I was definitely checking you out. I wasn't going to sleep with you, but you were definitely hot. I was definitely interested."

"Really? So…I wasn't just an easy fuck? I mean – what am I saying? You thought I was hot. It wasn't like you wanted me for my mind."

"Do I ever want girls for their minds?"

"My point has been made."

"Look, you weren't just an easy fuck. You were tempting, forbidden fruit. I wanted you, more than I was willing to admit."

I bit my lip. "Where does your stepmom fit into all of this?"

He blinked. "Savannah?"

"Yeah. Your dad mentioned her on Saturday…"

"Oh."

"It's none of my business, but…"

"We slept together three times," he said bluntly. "I'm not proud of it. I did it to get my dad back, and she came onto me first – I didn't initiate it. And once we slept together, I stayed away from her. The first time I slept with her was the night after I got back."

"Wow, you really held out," I deadpanned.

"There was too much sexual tension between us," he informed me. "Don't tell me you didn't feel it when I drove you home from the party."

"No, I definitely felt it. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Because I was still horny from it. I think it's why I gave into Savannah in the first place. I needed relief, and she was there to help me out. I would have preferred it if it had been you, but obviously that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I did what I thought was necessary. It was an awful thing to do, and I wish it had never happened. But I can't take it back – but believe me, if I could, I would."

I nodded. "I believe you."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No. There isn't any reason for me to be. You've obviously learned your lesson about sleeping with your stepmom, so there's nothing else to say."

"Okay." He looked a little relieved. "I'm sorry your plans for the dance didn't pan out. I'm sorry I wasn't your first."

"I'm not – about the dance, I mean. As for you being my first, I don't know what to say to that. I have mixed feelings about that."

"Why?"

"Because you have so much experience under your belt, and the only experience I have I don't even remember. I wish I at least had someone to compare this to, you know?"

"You – you want to sleep with other guys?" his voice sounded shaky.

"What? No! No! I didn't mean it like that! I just…I just want to know what it's like for you. I mean, I'm probably the first girl who you've actually slept with so much. It's gotta be weird and different for you."

"You would think so…But it's not. It actually feels really natural. Honestly, I don't think those previous experiences even count. They shouldn't. They don't."

"Why not?"

"Why do you think?" he looked at me, eyes dark, smoldering, intense. Our eyes locked again, and I was left breathless.

"I – I – "

He kissed me, slowly and deeply, and my hand reached up to cup his face. Eh, who needed breath anyway?

His teeth slowly scraped against my bottom lip, before tugging at it, and I whimpered into his mouth. _James_…

He pulled back, and I focused on catching my breath.

"Have you eaten?" he asked after a few seconds of silence.

I shook my head.

"Okay. I ordered Pad Thai."

"Sounds good."

He nodded. "Let's go eat."

I barely saw Kendall at all during the rest of the week. I had a feeling he was avoiding me, just like I was avoiding him.

James and I had been working on our project for our history class, which was probably a very good thing, because it was due on Friday.

"I hate oral presentations," I moaned as we walked into the classroom. "It means I have to speak in front of everyone."

He chuckled. "You'll be okay. And remember, I'll be up there with you. If you need me to take over, I will."

"I'm so glad you're an actor and a model."

He grinned. "Just consider yourself lucky."

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Let's just get this damn thing over with."

"Sounds good to me."

Somehow, we managed to get through the presentation without passing out.

That evening, I headed to the address that my mom had texted me. It was an office building, with a bunch of frosted white names on the glass door: _Doctor_…_PHD_…_Counselor_…Biting my lip, I headed on in. I managed to find the office my mom had told me to meet her, Dad, and Kendall at. I knocked on the door and walked in. All three of my family members were already seated in green leather chairs, and the good doctor was sitting in a chair, her legs crossed.

"Ah, you must be Katie," she greeted me.

I nodded. "And you must be Doctor Harrison."

"I am. Would you like to sit down?"

I eyed her. "I guess…" I slowly sat down beside Mom. She gave me a small smile and patted my leg reassuringly.

Neither Dad or Kendall acknowledged my presence. That was welcoming.

"So," Doctor Harrison, "would someone like to explain why you're all here?"

Mom nodded and spoke up. "Well, I scheduled this meeting because recently Ken and I separated, and it seemed like there were some things that we needed to discuss as a family."

"All right." Doctor Harrison scribbled something down on her clipboard. "And why did you and your husband separate, Ms. Knight?"

"He was – is – having an affair with his secretary."

"I see. And how long has this been going on?"

"For six months," Mom answered.

I gasped. "Six months?! As in a whole half year?!" I glared at Dad. "Wow. Just wow."

He didn't even have the decency to look ashamed. But he didn't say anything to me either.

Doctor Harrison looked at me. "This is news to you?"

"Yes! I had no idea he had been cheating on Mom for so long!"

"And you?" she addressed Kendall. "Is this news to you?"

"Yes, it is. I had no idea he was cheating on – "

"Yes you did," I interrupted. "You too did know. You just wouldn't listen to me. You're so damn stubborn and bullheaded that you couldn't see what was right in front of your face. According to you, every time something was wrong, every time Mom and Dad would fight, I would be overdramatizing everything. Well, guess what. I wasn't. I had a very good reason for believing what I believed. But you wouldn't listen to me. You never did."

"Well, considering you've been depressed since you were fourteen – "

"I wasn't depressed!" I retorted. "Why the hell would you think that?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe the constant black nail polish? The fact that you were always moody?"

"You mean because I was a teenager?"

"Whatever. You kept to yourself, you were pretty much convinced that everyone was out to get you."

"I wasn't convinced! Kendall, I was bulled every day in school!"

"See what I mean?"

I got to my feet. "Oh my God! You really think I'm making all this up?! Why would I make up being called bitch and slut and having my sports bra stolen and being knocked into lockers and finding graffiti on my locker and having notes passed about me about how weird and bitchy and slutty I was? Why would I make any of that up?!"

"I never had any trouble with any of that in high school!"

"Because you were a popular hockey player! I wasn't popular! I was an outcast! Why can't you understand that people are treated differently based on social status?! Look at how we're treated at restaurants and stores, as opposed to, say, the Diamonds. They get the finest service, and the waiters and store clerks look down their noses at us. That's how it works. Think about it." I fell silent, my chest heaving from my outburst.

After several long seconds, Doctor Harrison cleared her throat. "Please sit back down, Katie."

I did so, curling up in my chair and staring at the wall, feeling completely miserable. I wanted to be anywhere but here, with my judgmental family and a doctor who probably couldn't help us out of our hole if we tried.

"Are you still living in your parents' house, Katie?" she asked me.

I shook my head. "I, um…I left the night my dad did."

"If you don't mind me asking, where're you living?"

"With a mutual friend of Kendall's and mine."

"Who would that be?" Dad asked, sounding almost curious. "Stephanie or Camille?"

"She's living with James," Mom informed him.

"She's living with _WHO_?!"

Have I mentioned that Dad reeeeaaallly doesn't like James? Because he doesn't. He kind of hates him, actually.

"With James," I said calmly.

"You're living with James?!" Kendall yelped. "What the hell are you thinking?!"

"That there's someone out there who actually cares about me and listens to me and doesn't judge me."

"Oh, and James is that person?" he retorted sarcastically.

"With me, yeah, he is." My voice had turned quiet with that sentence.

"I can't believe this," Kendall shook his head.

"You're the one who wanted James and me to get along," I reminded him. "And now we are getting along. You don't really have any right to be upset about this. Why _are_ you upset about this?"

"Maybe because I know what kind of guy he is. If you're living with him, then you're more vulnerable to his seduction techniques."

Too late…

"Nothing bad is happening," I told him. "We care about each other. We're friends. He even took me to visit his dad in the hospital."

Kendall blinked. "He took _you_? He hasn't asked any of _us_ to see him."

"You guys haven't been hanging out as much lately though," I pointed out. "You've been busy with the college hockey team and Logan's busy with his class and the science club and Carlos is working on getting into an actual relationship with Stephanie. And James is dealing with his dad, and his mom keeps going off on vacation or whatever, and he's been spending a lot of time with me. We're trying to mend our friendship."

"It's a good thing," Mom spoke up. "I'm glad she has someone there for her. The rest of us haven't been around as much as we could have been."

"I'm busy with college and hockey and Jo," Kendall said defensively.

"And I'm busy with work," Dad added.

Along with fucking his secretary, but apparently in his mind, that doesn't count.

Mom shook her head. "Excuses, excuses."

Doctor Harrison scribbled something else down, before looking at us. "So, you feel like your daughter doesn't get as much attention as she could receive?" she addressed Mom.

"Honestly? Yes. She ended up in the middle of Ken's and my arguments, she was always around, so she saw and heard everything."

Doctor Harrison nodded. "I see." She looked back at me. "And how did you feel about your parents' fights?"

I bit my lip. "They worried me a little at first, but I thought maybe they were just going through a rough patch. And then the fights got a little more…intense, and I got a little scared. After they'd been going on for a few months, I just…I just wanted them to figure this thing out, whether it meant getting divorced or getting therapy or whatever. But when it actually happened…It hurt. A lot. That's when I ended up at James' place. He told me that I could call on him if I ever needed him, so I followed him up on his offer."

"And who is James?" Doctor Harrison asked me. "You two haven't gotten along in the past?"

I shook my head. "Basically, he's one of Kendall's best friends, and when I was fourteen, I had a huge crush on him, but he kind of rejected me so I ended up really hurt and started…well, not liking him. He moved to LA after graduation, but his dad's got lung cancer and is in the hospital, so James came back. And then things got complicated with my parents and we were put together for a group project for a class, and we started talking and hanging out."

Doctor Harrison nodded. "That's really interesting actually…Could I talk to you privately for a few minutes?"

"I – yeah – I suppose…"

"All right. You three can go out into the waiting room. I'll call you back in once I'm finished speaking to Katie."

"All right." Mom got to her feet and glared at Kendall and Dad, since neither of them had moved. Grumbling to themselves, they stood up and headed out of the room.

Doctor Harrison looked at me once the door had closed. "So. I get the feeling there's a lot about your relationship with James that you're not telling me."

My response was to shrug.

"Do you still have feelings for him?"

I bit my lip.

"I see."

"I didn't say anything!"

"You didn't have to. What exactly is your relationship with him?"

"A complicated one…"

"Does he feel the same?"

I nodded. "He does."

"Well, that sounds like a good thing."

"I think so."

She eyed me. "Is he a source of comfort for you?"

I stared at her. "Of course he is. He's there for me when I need him and vice versa. Look, I get you're a therapist and everything, but I don't get what this has to do with anything."

"I'm trying to figure out just how your parents' problems and separation has affected you."

"Not well, believe me."

Her next question was a little more blunt: "Are you sleeping with him?"

That sent me to your feet. "Pardon my French, but none of your fucking business, _Doc_. I don't think my sex life is relevant to any of this."

"Actually, it is, because James is your brother's best friend, and you're not too happy with your brother right now. Could you be doing this to get revenge on Kendall?"

I stared at her. "No! I love my brother! Sure he's a self-righteous pain in the ass, but he's still my brother, and I would never do anything like that to him! And I shouldn't have to justify myself or my actions to you! You and the rest of my family can continue on with the therapy session – I'm out of here."

And with that, I stormed out of the office, flipped my dad and brother off (maybe not the smartest, nicest thing I had ever done), and dashed out the door. I climbed into my car and drove straight back to James', absolutely seething.

I parked and headed into the house. I had seen James' car in the driveway, so I knew he was home. I just wasn't sure if I wanted to talk or beg him to fuck me or just ignore him.

I could hear James rummaging around in the kitchen, singing a Mayday Parade song, and I smiled a little, already feeling my body relax. It was amazing how he could just comfort me by being in the next room.

I made my way into the kitchen. "Hi."

He looked over at me. "Hey. It's only 7:45. I thought you'd still be at the therapist's."

"The therapist asked some questions I didn't like, so I left."

"Um…"

I frowned, replaying my statement in my head. It kind of sounded like an oxymoron in a way. Weren't therapists supposed to pry into your lives, help you realize and understand things about yourself?

James looked amused as he watched me come to my conclusion.

"Oops," I mumbled. "Guess my temper got the best of me."

"So I see."

"My bad…"

He chuckled and wrapped an arm around me. "I'm sure you're not the first patient the therapist has had whose walked out in the middle of a session."

"I hope not…Now I feel bad. But Kendall was being such a jerk, and Dad wasn't helping, and then the therapist wanted to talk to me alone and I just kind of snapped."

He kissed the top of my head. "I'm sure the therapist will forgive you."

"I hope so." I buried my face in his chest, sighing. "Now I feel awful about it."

"You reacted. It happens."

"I guess…"

James pulled back from me. "Well, it's Friday night…it's still early…"

"Yeah…" I had a feeling I knew where this was going. And I was definitely game.

"Maybe we could do something…"

"Mmm hmm." I was definitely down for it.

"Like see a movie."

Um…what?

I blinked in confusion. "See a movie?"

He nodded. "And maybe grab dinner?"

Um…well…okay. That sounded suspiciously like a date…And he hadn't mentioned sex. This was just getting weird.

James looked at me hopefully. "We could go see that new thriller…"

I bit my lip. Going to see a movie with James…There could be worse ways to spend a Friday evening, right?

"You know what?" I said. "Let's do it."

He smiled. "In that case, let's go."

* * *

**James' POV**

"Don't say it…"

"You asked me out," Katie grinned. "You asked me out on a date."

"I – yeah – well – whatever!" I stuttered out. "You were upset and embarrassed. I had to do _something_."

"You still asked me out."

"Fine. I asked you out."

Her grin widened. "You caught me by surprise, you know."

"I did? How?"

"I thought you were suggesting sex," she admitted. "I was not expecting you to say 'let's go see a movie'."

"Oh. Well, it seemed like a nice change of pace."

"It was. So thank you." She reached up and pecked my lips. "So…to continue…"

* * *

_**So, not really a lot happened. Sorry if it got kind of boring, that wasn't my intention for this chapter. Hope you liked it anyways.**_

_**So...reviews? The review button is kind of cold, so warm it up by clicking on it! It'll really appreciate it ;) I'd love to hear what you think of the chapter :)**_


	11. Chapter 10: The Date

**_Wow, check it out! I'm finally getting around to updating Touch the Flame!_  
**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush._**

**_Xandersaw: Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it! And I'm happy to hear that you like their 'present day' moments :) Thank you so much, and thank you for reviewing! I really appreciate it :)_**

**_THANK YOU to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited, or followed this story! I love you guys so, so much!_**

**_Warnings: Explicit language, innuendos, and some sexual content. Yeah, this story is going to get jacked up to rated M pretty quickly, no doubt about that._**

**_Enjoy the chapter :)_**

* * *

**Chapter Ten: The Date**

**Katie's POV**

A half hour later, we were climbing out of the truck in the movie theater parking lot. I couldn't believe this was happening. I really couldn't. I was on _a date_ with James 'I'll fuck you if you fuck me' Diamond. How the hell had this even happened? Two hours ago I was sitting in the therapist's office with my screwed up family, and now here I was, on a date, with James Diamond.

I was so confused.

James didn't say anything; instead, he just slipped his hand into mine like it was the most natural thing in the world, and led me up to the ticket booth. He stepped up and spoke into the mic, "Two tickets for _Shot in the Dark_." He paid for our tickets, and we headed on into the theater lobby.

"Popcorn?" he asked, nodding towards the concession counter.

"Sure," I agreed. "I can pay."

"Nah, I'm the guy, I'll get it."

"You sure…?"

"My mom's Brooke Diamond, and my father is Ben Diamond. Believe me, I can afford it."

"Well…okay…" I agreed dubiously.

He smiled in satisfaction and we headed over to the concession counter. We got our popcorn – a large that was about the size of a trashcan – and our sodas – also larges that could have been used as buckets – and headed into the gate the movie was going to be showing in.

We grabbed seats, and plopped down in the chairs, curling up with our popcorn and bucket-sized drinks.

It was a few seconds before I realized that my heart was racing, my breathing shallow. My brain was just starting to catch up to reality – I was on a date with _James Diamond_. It was finally beginning to sink in. He had asked me out. _He_ had asked _me_ out. And it wasn't just to get into my pants because, let's face it, all he would have had to do was ask. He had asked me out for some other reason…He liked me. He actually did like me…

Oh my gosh.

James Diamond had a crush on me.

How the hell was that even possible?! Since when did James Diamond do crushes?! This made no sense whatsoever. He didn't do crushes, he didn't do dates, he didn't do any of that stuff.

And yet, here we were, sitting in a movie theater, on a date.

Talk about your confusing moments.

I glanced over at James. He looked relatively relaxed, a good deal more than I probably did. As I watched, he tossed a handful of popcorn into his mouth, and chased it down with a sip of cherry coke. I could see his throat muscles contract as he swallowed, his perfect jaw line move as he munched on the popcorn, his lips perfectly circle the straw. Even in the dark theater, I found myself looking at the dark shadow of his stubble, making a trail over his lower face, and down his neck. I knew it was prickly and rough, and somehow that just him as a whole all the more sexy, that he could have that slight imperfection, the notorious shadow that could only prove his masculinity.

I shook my head slightly. Wow…maybe I needed to take up poetry as a hobby. I had just sounded pretty pathetic; my cheeks heated up in the air conditioned theater, burning uncomfortably against the cold air.

The previews went by slowly, but finally the movie began. I shifted position and stuffed a small handful of popcorn in my mouth, savoring the smooth, almost sweet taste of the butter, mixed with the sharp bite of the salt.

The movie, for what it was worth, was pretty damn good. Lots of action, a little bit of romance, a couple of mild sex scenes, and followed by even more action. Exactly what I had paid for.

About halfway or so through the movie, I suddenly realized that James' arm was around my upper back. My eyes widened in shock, but I quickly relaxed, resting my head on his shoulder. I heard him softly sigh, and he pulled me a little bit closer to him. We stayed like that for the rest of the movie, occasionally taking an awkward bite of popcorn or a cockeyed sip of our drinks.

At last, the movie ended and the credits began rolling. James took his arm back and I sat up. We grabbed our empty popcorn bucket and drink cups, before following the line down the steps and across the auditorium to the narrow corridor, and out into the bright theater. We tossed our garbage into a nearby trashcan, and headed over to the restrooms.

I pushed into the women's restroom and locked myself in an empty stall. I did my business quickly and washed my hands. I had the place pretty much to myself, so I took the opportunity to brush out my slightly tangled hair and touch up my smeared makeup. I slid on a layer of cherry red lip gloss, reapplied my eyeliner, and redid my mascara. I fluffed my hair out and shot myself a pouty lip, smoldering look in the mirror, before nodding in satisfaction and marching back out to the lobby.

I immediately spotted James…Only he wasn't alone…

My eyes narrowed when I realized he was talking to his stepmom. Oh, hell no. Cougar. Slut. Bitch. Homewrecker.

And not just that, but she was moving in on James when he was out on a date with _me_. That fucking bitch.

My inner-bitch instincts came out, prodding me forward. I unzipped my hoodie and rolled it up, stuffing it into my bag. I was in skinny jeans, sneakers, and a low cut t-shirt. My chest might not have been as large as Savannah's, but at least I didn't look like I had stuffed two over-blown balloons down my shirt. And my bra propped my cleavage up nicely, if I do say so myself.

I tossed my hair over my shoulder and sauntered towards them, adding a slight swing to my hips. James looked around, and his eyes locked with mine. As I drew closer to them, I thought I heard him breathe out, "She's so hot…"

Savannah crossed her arms over her chest, which just resulted in her boobs looking as if they were about to make an escape. Could she have been more see-through?

I held James' gaze as I approached them, lightly trailing my tongue over my lips.

I reached them and threw Savannah my best bitch-eating face, before turning back to James. I wound my arms around his neck and pulled his face down, kissing him deeply. He immediately kissed me back, arms going around my waist. I pushed my chest against his and licked at his bottom lip, immediately gaining entrance. He deepened the kiss, one hand coming up to cup the back of my neck. I let my hand slide slowly down his cheek and neck, before coming to a rest at his shoulder.

At last, I took a small step back and lightly brushed my lips over his, before pulling away completely.

Savannah looked as if someone had just taken a sludge hammer to her car windows.

I gave her a sweet smile. "It's Savannah, right? James' stepmom?"

She glowered at me as James wrapped his arms around me from behind. "Right. And I take it you're Katie?"

"As a matter of fact," my smile widened and I leaned back against James, "I am."

"I got James first."

Oh, so that's how she wanted to play it. Well, bring on the games, you slutty cougar bitch. You may have been playing longer than me, but no one can beat my bitchiness, not by a long shot. I _will_ win this game.

"And yet, he's here with me," I replied, feeling James press his lips to the top of my head. She really thought it would be a good idea to wage war with me when James was all over me? Talk about stupidity. She could've gotten her own reality TV show.

"Yeah, well, he's humoring you."

"Does he look like he's humoring me to you? Because to me, it looks like he can't wait to take me home and get my clothes off."

"At least I have boobs."

Lame offense.

"At least my boobs don't look like over-inflated balloons."

"James didn't mind when he was fucking me."

"You know what he really loves? He loves seeing me writhe under him while he takes my breasts into his mouth. Always gets him _so_ hard."

James let out a whine behind me and I smirked to myself.

"There you are!" a couple of women who looked to be around Savannah's age, and were dressed similarly – like club-hopping twenty-two year olds – approached us.

Savannah looked at them. "I was just chatting with James and his little friend."

By the way the women glared at me and looked appraisingly at James, I could tell they knew Savannah had slept with James.

"Actually," James spoke up, "I'm here with Katie on a date. She's living with me."

Oh yah. Cha-ching!

"He really ditched _you_ for _her_?" one of the women said to Savannah in utter disgust. "She's, like, twelve."

"Actually I'm, like, eighteen. Turns out he prefers younger girls. Less saggy vaginas and he doesn't have to worry about Botox contamination. And just remember – it's going to be _me_ going home with him tonight, not Savannah." And with that, I pushed through James' arms and instead grabbed his hand, leading him across the lobby and outside.

Once we were outside, James let out a deep breath.

"Sorry…" I said, biting my lip, wondering if I had gone too far while I had been battling with Savannah.

"What're you apologizing for?" he wanted to know. "That was fucking hot!"

I felt a grin stretch across my face. "Really?"

He nodded, slipping his arms around my waist. "Beyond hot." He brushed his lips over mine, before kissing me deeply. I smiled into the kiss, cupping his face in my hands.

At last, we broke apart, and headed back to his car.

"So…_Betty's Diner_?" James asked, naming the town's signature restaurant.

I nodded, and he started the truck as I pulled the seatbelt across my body.

He drove to the diner and parked, before we headed in. We were led to a table beside a window and we sat down. The waitress passed us a couple of menus and gave us a blinding white smile, before bustling off to go take another table's orders.

"So, what'd you think of the movie?" James asked after a few seconds of us staring at our menus, the sexual fire that had been blazing all evening, crackling and popping with every millisecond.

I glanced up at him. "It was good. Definitely something I'm glad I saw."

"Was it worth having to put up with Savannah and her bitch friends?"

"Are you kidding? That alone would've been worth the eight bucks you just shoveled out for my ticket. I think a confrontation between me and Savannah was always inevitable anyway."

"I'd always choose you, you know," he said, so quietly I almost didn't hear him.

I quickly ducked behind my menu to hide the smile that was threatening to break my face. "I'm – I'm glad to hear that," I replied, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

Before he could say anything to that, if he was even going to, the waitress was back, asking to take our drink orders. James got his usual cherry coke, but I ordered a chocolate milkshake, complete with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

She returned a couple minutes later with our drinks, and I immediately set the cherry aside for later. I always ate it last, after I finished my milkshake.

We ordered our food and away she went once more.

I sucked happily on my milkshake, keeping my eyes on James. He was looking down at the table, fiddling with his silverware. Apparently feeling my eyes on him, he glanced up at me.

A second's pause.

"I like your shirt," he blurted out, and I almost cracked up. He was reminding me of a fifteen year old boy who was out on a date with the hottest, most popular girl in school.

"Thanks," I grinned. "I wore it especially for you."

A small smirk crossed his face. That was better.

"So, you know what I've been thinking of?" he asked as he took a sip of his soda.

"Clue me in."

"Those nights in my truck."

I fought back a light blush, ignoring the way my cheeks were already heating up. "Oh yeah…those nights…They were nice."

"They were beyond nice." His leg brushed against mine under the table, and an electric shock ran through my body. Hadn't we already covered all this the first time we had slept together? It wasn't fair that every touch, every light brush, could still affect me the way it had the very first time it had happened. You know, they don't cover stuff like this in sex ed. They don't prepare you for the way your hormones go crazy when you're in such close proximity with that other person. They don't tell you how to stay in your seat and not dive across the table and attack that person like a lion in heat. They also don't teach you how to breathe when your chest is contracting rapidly and your throat suddenly isn't working. They're missing a huge chunk in their lesson plans.

I nodded, doing my very best to swallow, while working past the sudden rush of hormones. Huh. Maybe I was ovulating…That could explain why I had just gotten whacked with a sudden need to have James naked and on top of me. Or maybe me on top of him…Oooh, definitely me on top of him.

"You okay?" James asked, sounding amused.

I blinked, jolted out of my less than innocent thoughts. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You look a little out of it."

"I'm fine. Totally fine."

"Uh huh." His eyes glittered and I had a distinct feeling that he knew roughly what had just gone through my head. Well, maybe not all the stuff about sex ed, but the other stuff. The stuff about sex positions.

Luckily, at that moment the waitress returned with our food. She placed our plates in front of us, and we both dug in.

I chowed down on my bacon cheeseburger happily. _Betty's Diner_ made _the_ best bacon cheeseburgers in the history of awesome bacon cheeseburgers. Once I was finished, I moved onto the fries. James had gotten a loaded burger with everything on it, and he was shoveling it down the same way a used car salesman would eat up the desperate, needy pleas of penniless car shoppers.

Once I had finished my fries, I returned to my milkshake and sipped on it. Perfect.

I finished before long, and instead turned my gaze to the cherry. James did too, suddenly at rapt attention, his eyes focusing on the little red fruit.

With a teasing smirk, I picked it up by the stem and dangled it over my lips, letting my tongue glide out to wrap around the cherry. James watched, not even blinking, as I slowly pulled the fruit into my mouth, still using my tongue, before wrapping my lips around it. I plucked the stem off it and tossed it onto my now empty plate, before slowing chewing the cherry. I swallowed and looked at James. I was pretty sure he still hadn't blinked.

I waved my hand in front of his face. "Hellooo? Earth to James."

He finally blinked, glanced at his empty plate, and then back at me, before signaling the waitress over. "Check, please."

I made a quick trip to the restroom to freshen up once more.

By the time I got back to our table, James had paid the bill. I fished out a few dollars and left it as a tip, before pulling my sweatshirt on and fluffing my hair out over the hood. We left the diner and got into the truck. James looked at me expectantly. "Where to?"

"The field at the edge of town," I answered at once. "You're not the only one who's been thinking of those nights."

He grinned as he started the truck. He drove through town, before taking the road out. We reached the fields before long, and he parked in our usual spot.

There was a long moment that burned with anticipation and chemistry, and then I was on him, straddling his lap, lips moving against his. I worked on getting my sweatshirt off, and he struggled with his hoodie. It took a few seconds, but we got both articles of clothing off.

There was another pause, and then he looked at me. "You know, it's not really that cold outside…"

He was right. Even though it was late fall in Minnesota, we were in the middle of an Indian summer. It was maybe fifty-five degrees, minimum, out there.

I nodded, furrowing my brow. "Yeah…"

"We could do this in the bed of my truck."

I mulled that over for an entire two seconds, before nodding firmly. "Let's do it."

We climbed out of the truck and James pulled the gate down on the truck bed, before pulling a few quilts out from behind the seats in the cab.

I raised my eyebrows at him.

He shrugged. "It's good to be prepared." He laid them out to cushion the pickup bed, and I clambered up to join him. I pushed him down onto his back and straddled him once more, before yanking his t-shirt off. I let my gaze run over his biceps, pecs, and abs, before moving down to the V of his hips, and the light trail of hair that disappeared into the waistband of his jeans. I inwardly smirked, thinking of what it led to.

I popped the buttons open on his jeans, and pulled my t-shirt over my head, letting it join his shirt. He bit his lip at the sight of me half naked.

"Lift your hips," I told him. He did so, allowing me to slide his jeans down his legs. I got his shoes and socks off as well, before eying his boxers. They were already bulging, and I ran my hand over said bulge, eliciting a soft moan from him. I grinned and did it again, before lifting myself up enough so that I could get my own jeans, sneakers, and socks off.

He pulled me down for a heated kiss, and my hips jerked into his, his hips jolting back in return. I pulled back after a few seconds. He looked up at me, eyes already darkening with lust. I ran my hand down his chest and over his abs, before following his happy trail down to the waistband of his boxers. His eyes watched my fingers, and he let out a disappointed whine when I took my hand away. I merely grinned and reached behind me, unhooking my bra and letting it fall off. His eyes widened slightly, and my grin widened as I felt a certain part of him perk up even more.

I lifted myself up to slide my panties down my legs, and then took the opportunity to get his boxers off as well. Oh yeah. Mini-James was definitely in a good mood.

He kissed me again, moaning happily as I wrapped my hand around him, beginning to stroke him, thumbing over the head just the way he liked it. I pulled back after a few seconds and looked at him, rutting my hips into his. "Did Savannah ever make you moan like that?"

He stared up at me, eyes smoldering. "Never."

I pushed my hips into his again. "Were you ever as hard for her as you are for me?"

"You nuts?" was his reply. "I've never been as hard for anyone as I am for you."

I grinned. "Good answer." And I let him kiss me again.

He reached up to cup my chest. "And she's wrong," he told me. "I happen to love your breasts." He propped himself up so that he could begin working his mouth on them. I let out a shaky whimper. God. No one could ever do what he did, of that I was certain.

Before long, he was pulling me down onto him, both of us moaning at the feeling of him entering me.

I won't go into specifics, but I will say that that was probably the best sex either of us had ever had.

Three positions later, we both finally reached our long-awaited releases. We collapsed side by side each other, and his arms encircled me, pulling me against him.

"God, I love you," he murmured in my ear, and a small gasp escaped my lips.

"W-what? What did you just say?" I rolled over so that I was facing him.

He hesitated, but then said, "I love you. I said I love you."

"Did you mean it?"

"I did."

My smile split my face as I replied, "I love you too."

He smiled just as widely, and pulled me into our millionth kiss of the night, but this one was different. It was sweet, slow, loving, filled with everything that we had never expressed to each other. It was perfect.

Three rounds later, it had gotten colder, and we both admitted that it was probably time to head back to his place.

Once we got there, we collapsed in his bed, murmuring "I love you" to each other before finally falling asleep.

It was the best night ever.

I awoke around two in the morning in James' arms. His chest rose and fell with each soft breath. How had this even happened? How had we gone from being enemies with benefits to…to this? To being in love? To caring about each other. None of it made any sense.

He stirred beside me, and slowly opened his large, hazel eyes. He blinked at me. "You're tossing and turning. Stop it."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

He rested on an elbow. "What're you thinking about?"

I shrugged. "Stuff."

"I'd imagine so."

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"No, seriously, what's keeping you awake?"

"I was – I was just thinking about how it all began…"

He looked at me in confusion.

"You know…us…this arrangement…this…thing…"

"Oh…"

"Yeah…" I pushed the covers back, and got out of bed. I grabbed his t-shirt off the floor and slipped it on. I went to his bedroom window and looked out over the quiet, peaceful neighborhood. Maple trees lined the street, and glowing street lamps dotted the sidewalk. Other than that, the neighborhood was dark, with no movement, no life, as far as I could see.

A second later, James joined me, standing mere centimeters away. I glanced at him quickly, before turning back to the street.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James bite his lip, thinking hard. "I guess in a way, it kind of started a couple of months ago, last August, the day I got back to town."

I nodded, remembering that day all too well…

"It's all still really clear to me," James continued. "I still remember how everything felt…"

I looked over at him again.

"Why did you bring it up?" he asked me. "I mean, why were you thinking about it?"

"I don't know…It's just been on my mind, I guess."

He nodded. "Okay."

I turned my head to look at him again, and his eyes met mine.

It was almost dawn by the time we fell silent, having reached present day.

"It's insane, isn't it?" James asked, running his fingers through his mussed up hair. "How much things have changed since August."

I nodded in agreement. "It's confusing as hell, but I wouldn't trade any of it for the world."

He smiled slightly. "You know what? I wouldn't either."

I smiled back, before turning back to the window. "There's still more to come…"

"There always is."

I sighed and stretched, before heading back to his bed. "Hard to say if I should look forward to what's going to happen, or dread it."

"Maybe a little bit of both. I have a feeling things are about to get interesting," he said as he joined me. "Very, very interesting…"

* * *

_**Whew...so...Jatie date night! Whoo hoo! What'd you guys think? Did you like it? Enjoy it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know what you think, okay? The review button loves the attention, and I love hearing from you guys :) Oh, and on the subject of the rating, it's most likely going to be changed when I post the next chapter, just to let you know.**_


	12. Chapter 11: Guilt and Loss

_**Whoo hoo! Two updates for Touch the Flame in less than two weeks!**_

_**Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Big Time Rush.**_

_**Guest: Awww, thank you so much! I'm so sorry you had to wait so long for it, but I'm glad you enjoyed it! Aww, really? That means so much! And thank you again, you're so sweet :) Thank you for reviewing, I really appreciate it :)**_

**_Guest#2: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! And thank you for reviewing :)_**

**_THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed, followed, favorited, or read this story! I love you all so, so much!_**

**_Warnings: Strong language, and intense and dark situations. Yeah, I'm going general here with the warnings, because I don't want to give away what happens in the chapter. But the chapter definitely has its dark moments, so be prepared for that. As for the rating, I figured I'd better change it to M, because of the last chapter and what happens in this one. But I've also been planning this chapter since I first came up with the idea for the story, so this isn't just because I needed a new twist. This actually was planned. So I'm sorry if any of the subject matter in this chapter bothers anyone; it's not intentional._**

**_Enjoy the chapter!_**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Guilt and Loss**

**Katie's POV**

We both slept in until early afternoon, and it was with reluctance that we dragged ourselves out of bed.

James grinned when he noticed that I was walking a little stiffly. I stuck my tongue out at him with as much maturity as I could muster.

"Need a bath?" he asked with a laugh.

I nodded with my cutest pout.

"Come on, baby girl." He scooped me up and carried me into the bathroom. He ran a bath and we both stripped back down and I climbed in. He let me position myself before he joined me, sinking down behind me.

I flashed back to a couple months before when I had been just as sore as I was now, when I had taken a bath to help to relieve those overused muscles. Who would have guessed that the next time I would be taking a bath would be with James? Amazing how so much could change in such short a time.

"So, what are we?" I asked, before I could stop myself. I hadn't even been thinking about our relationship status, but suddenly the words were out of my mouth.

"Well…" he massaged my shoulders, "we could be something more than enemies with benefits…"

I let out a snort at the title. "We haven't been enemies with benefits for quite awhile," I pointed out.

"Okay, then, friends with benefits. That better?"

"Much."

"Anyway, could be more than friends with benefits…if you want to…"

I craned my neck around to look at him. "Yeah, I'd like that."

He smiled. "Be my girlfriend?"

"As long as you be my boyfriend."

"Deal."

The next week passed by slowly. Mom had asked for me to come back to Dr. Harrison's office for another therapy session on Friday evening. I only agreed to it because James promised me that he'd take me out for an ice cream sundae after.

Bribery can go a long way.

I sighed as I finished up my homework on Friday evening. I was still barely talking to Kendall, and I hadn't heard from my dad at all. I didn't really care about whether or not I was talking to my dad, but it bothered me about Kendall. The least he could have done was apologize for calling me _fucked up_. But, nothing. He hadn't even made eye contact with me. James and I had taken to eating lunch together in the library, away from Kendall's judgmental glares, Logan's frowns, and Carlos's confused looks. It was just easier and less stressful that way.

But another problem that I kept encountering was Sean Reinard, of all people. He had taken to popping up in-between classes, just leaning against the buildings where my classes were taking place, watching me as I would go in. A couple of times I caught him skulking around in the library while I was studying, slipping between shelves like a greasy snake.

It was beyond creepy.

We had had Thursday off for Thanksgiving, which I ended up spending with James and his dad. It wasn't anyone's dream Thanksgiving by a long shot, but it wasn't God-awful at least, which was a step up from what I was sure Thanksgiving with my family would have been like.

"So," James said as I set my books aside. I looked up at him as he sat down in a chair beside me at the table, "I've done some investigating, and I think I might have an idea who raped you."

A startled breath escaped me and I stared at him. "You – you do?"

He nodded. "I'm going to meet with the guy tonight to ask him about that night. I set it up for after your family therapy, so if you want to come you can. I'll get you your ice cream sundae afterwards," he added quickly.

I bit my lip. "I don't – I don't know…"

His hand enclosed mine. "It might give you some closure, Katie-Bear. And it might not even be him."

"When have you even been doing this research?"

"During free periods. I've been asking around. Turns out more people remember that night then what you thought."

"Oh…okay…" To be completely truthful, I had completely forgotten that he was trying to figure out who had roofied me. It just hadn't been on my mind. Probably I had been shutting it out, because thinking about it was just too…I don't even know. I guess the word would be _scary_. _Terrifying_. _Humiliating_.

He nodded. "So, if you want to come, I'll pick you up at nine. We're just going to talk. I'll be there the entire time, I won't leave you alone with him. And I'll have 911 on speed dial and I'll be recording everything he says."

I took a deep breath. Closure. He had done this for me so that I could have closure. "Okay. Okay. Let's do this."

"Okay." He pecked my lips. "It's going to be okay, sweetie. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise."

I reached over to hug him. "I know you won't."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

An hour later, he dropped me off at the building, and I headed up to Dr. Harrison's office. My parents and brother were already there, and you could've cut the tension with a knife. Oh goody. This was going to be _fun_...

I dropped down into a chair and looked at Dr. Harrison. "Let's move this along, Doc. I have an appointment."

"Katie!" Mom gasped, appalled at my behavior. "How rude!"

"Well, no one's ever used _polite_ in a sentence when they were talking about me," I snipped back.

Dr. Harrison sighed. "So, how was everyone's Thanksgiving?"

Dad immediately went into a long spiel about how he had had to celebrate Thanksgiving at his office while working. Once he was finished, Mom talked about spending it catering for people. Kendall had celebrated it with Jo and her family, and I finally mentioned that I had spent it with James and his dad.

Dr. Harrison asked us polite, yet searching questions, about how we felt about spending the holiday apart. Our answers were all pretty much the same: _Whatever_.

We were such a tight-knit family.

She made a note, and then continued to ask questions about the dynamics of our family, how we all related to each other, that sort of thing. She didn't single me out to ask about James again, though she did occasionally send me searching looks when, on the occasion, Kendall or I would bring him up. Luckily she kept her mouth shut about her suspicions when it came to James and me.

Not once did I mention that James and I were together.

It wasn't that we were hiding it, it was just that, well, we kind of didn't have anyone to tell. Anyone who we could clue in would probably be pretty pissed off and confused. It wouldn't make any sense to them. I mean, James and I were practically considered different species in this town. Hell, even by our own friends, we were considered different life forms. There just wasn't any point in causing any more strife in our group than Kendall and I had managed to do.

It was a quarter to nine by the time we were allowed to leave. My parents stayed behind to talk to Dr. Harrison about something or other, and Kendall headed to one of the restrooms. I took the opportunity to slip outside. I immediately spotted James' car and hurried over to it. I opened the door and slid in.

He looked over at me. "Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

He nodded and started the car. "We're going to _The Grill_." _The Grill_ was basically our town's version of _Applebee's_, with a bar at one end, and tables at the other. It wasn't necessarily in the nicest neighborhood, but what could you expect when you were meeting up with a potential rapist?

"Okay," I agreed.

James drove us to _The Grill_ and parked. He took my hand as we approached the entrance, giving it a reassuring squeeze, and led me to the bar. We sat down at it and I glanced around nervously. James continued to hold onto my hand, stroking my fingers with his thumb.

"It'll be okay," he said softly. "It's going to be okay."

I nodded, biting my lip. My stomach was twisting and turning and churning and all I wanted to do was leap up and run to the nearest restroom and hurtle the contents of my stomach into it. Or maybe just run outside and just keep going, never to look back. What the hell had I been thinking?! I couldn't do this, I wasn't ready for this, I couldn't handle this.

The minutes passed by slowly. Nine-o-clock came and went. James' brow began to furrow in annoyance. And then his eyes began to glint with fury. His grip on my hand tightened.

"He bailed," James finally said. "The little fucking wimp fucking bailed on us! I bet he walked in, saw you sitting here, and knew what I asked him here for. The next time I see him, I'm beating his head into a brick wall, and then I'm taking a knife to his balls and – "

"Who is it?" I asked him. "You never told me…"

He shook his head. "I don't want to tell you, I don't want you getting your hopes up. No, you know what? This proves it. This fucking proves it. I'll tell you in the car – " his phone went off and he looked at it. "It's my mom." He passed me his keys. "Go ahead and wait out in the car, all this place is doing is making you more antsy. I'll be out in a few minutes. Be careful."

"Okay." I headed outside, taking a deep breath. It was hard to say whether or not I had just narrowly missed a bullet. On the one hand, I really did want to know just what exactly had happened that night. But on the other hand…I didn't want to know. Not at all. How could I? It was better left a mystery. I knew once I found out who had done it, I would see his face flashing through my mind. I would have nightmares about him. The mystery for who had raped me was a stone that was better left unturned. I didn't need closure. I didn't want it.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice the young man in the shadow of a parked car, or the way he was staring at me, like a hungry lion eyeing a nice, fat deer. Needless to say, I was caught unaware when I was suddenly thrown into a nearby car. My head hit the roof, and I let out a gasp, stars erupting in front of my eyes and a shot of pain firing through my skull.

I blinked the stars away, finally able to make out the tall, black haired, icy eyed man who was standing in front of me.

Sean Reinard.

I raised my hand up to the back of my head where it had cracked into the roof, and felt a thick, sticky wetness.

Blood.

I looked at Sean for a long moment, and he looked back at me, and then my senses finally caught up to me. I let out a high pitched scream.

He was on me in a half second, his hand covering my mouth, his body pressing against mine, invading my personal space. And in that moment, I knew exactly who I was facing.

I bit down as hard as I could on his hand. I tasted blood – his blood – on my tongue, and almost threw up. He let out a yell of pain and yanked his hand away.

"You fucking bitch!" There was a hard slap, and a sharp sting shot across my face, my head jerking to the side. And then there was a second one, and all I was seeing were stars again, but I had to escape, I had to get away…He had raped me and he would do it again and no one would stop him and oh, dear God, please let me get away…

I shoved past him blindly, dizzyingly trying to remember where James' truck was parked, or what direction the restaurant was in. I was terrified, beyond terrified…Get away from him…get away…I tried to scream again, but all I managed was a weak cry. My throat muscles had closed up on me in terror, and my body felt like it was moving in slow motion.

The next thing I knew, I was on the ground with him holding me down. I let out another hoarse scream, but to no avail.

And then he was rolling me over and his fingers were on my jeans button and hell no, I was not going through this again. And that's when I remembered that I was holding James' truck keys.

I blindly slashed at him, catching him across his face, and then across his arm. He recoiled and I jumped to my feet, adrenaline pumping through my body as I realized that I was _fucking pissed off_. I swung my foot at his face, making contact with his nose, and then took off across the parking lot, screaming bloody murder and shrieking for help.

But he was behind me, catching up to me, and then he was pinning me to a wall – and where the hell had it even come from?! – and fumbling with the buttons on his jeans. I struggled against him, but years of playing hockey had given him unrelenting muscle. He grabbed my neck, fingers enclosing around my throat. "If you don't stay still and be a good little girl, I'll squeeze," he threatened in a whisper.

To reply, I let out a half-choked yell.

He slammed my head against the wall again, and then everything went black.

* * *

**James' POV**

"What's up?" I asked my mom as I watched Katie walk out of _The Grill_. Disappointment and anger was still coursing through me. That fucking bastard hadn't shown. He had completely blown us off. Fucking Sean Reinard.

"I'm back in town," she said. "Your father actually called me, he wanted to see me. So I'm at the hospital right now."

"Is he okay?"

"He's fine. He just wanted to explain some stuff to me. I've been talking to him. But he wants to see you, so maybe you could come by tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure, of course."

"Thanks, sweetie. So, how're things going?"

"Well, um…Katie Knight's living with me. Her parents are split up and, well, I don't think anyone's really staying at her house right now," I told her. "So, that's probably the biggest change. Other than that, things are going okay."

"Well, that's good. And tell her she's welcome to stay with us for as long as she likes."

"Thanks, I will."

"So, where are you?" she asked me.

"At _The Grill_. Katie and I were supposed to meet up with someone, but he never showed."

"Ah. Well, that's rude."

"Beyond rude. Anyway, can I talk to you later? I need to go and find Katie."

"All right. Love you."

"Love you too." I hung up and headed out. Just as I reached the lobby, I heard a scream. A tiny figure was running across the parking lot, a taller figure chasing her.

I shoved through the doors and ran after both of them. I turned around a corner, into a short alleyway, just in time to see Katie slide to the ground, eyes closed, and Sean kneel over her.

I tackled him, pushing him off of Katie, and we fell to the ground. We scrabbled around, punching and kicking at each other. And then he was up and running and I was on my feet, about to go after him, when I heard Katie let out a weak moan. I fell to my knees beside her and pulled her into my lap, holding her. Her hair was damp with blood, her lip was bleeding, and I could see a light pattern of bruises spanning across her left cheek.

She slowly stirred, eyes opening. She blinked up at me. I looked back at her, my grip on her tightening.

"My head hurts," she mumbled out, leaning into me.

"I know, sweetie. I'm gonna take you to the hospital, okay?"

"Kay." She closed her eyes again.

"But I need you to stay awake. I don't know how bad you're hurt, but I don't think it's a good idea if you fall asleep."

"Kay," she said again, opening her eyes obediently. I got to my feet with her in my arms, and carried her over to my truck.

"Keys?"

She passed them to me, and I opened the passenger side door. I set Katie on the bench seat and closed the door, before walking around and getting in on the driver's side. It was only then that I noticed blood smeared on the keys.

Katie curled up in her seat, and I reached over, pulling the seatbelt around her. I pulled my sweatshirt off and held it to Katie's head. "Put pressure on it," I told her gently.

She nodded, her body beginning to shake. "'M cold," she mumbled out. "And thirsty."

I reached behind the seat to pull out the quilts. I wrapped them around her.

I knew from a First Aid class my mom had made me take in high school that you aren't supposed to let someone drink water when they've gone into shock. Instead, you let them chew on crushed ice cubes. But I didn't want to leave Katie alone again…

I grabbed the water bottle I always kept in my truck and dumped most of the water out the window, before passing it to Katie. "Suck on the ice cubes," I ordered. "Slowly. Don't go too fast."

She dumped a couple out into her palm and shakily slid them into her mouth.

I put my seatbelt on, started the truck, and drove as fast as I dared to Canton Lake General Hospital. I parked in the ER area and carried Katie in, keeping her wrapped up in the quilts. She was barely conscious, her eyes half closed. The receptionist looked up at me as I approached.

"I have an attempted rape, and it looks like her head's been beaten against something," I panted out. "She's gone into shock, she's freezing cold and her mouth's dry. Please…you've got to do something…"

It was still another ten minutes before they would let me bring Katie into a hospital room. While we were waiting, I helped Katie fill out an information sheet. At last, we were emitted into a room. The nurse came in to make sure she was comfortable and to let us know that the doctor would be with Katie in just a moment.

As luck would have it, it was another good ten minutes before the doctor walked in. Things began moving quickly after that. Katie had to have a CAT scan so that they could see the amount of damage that Sean had done to her.

Luckily, she only had a mild concussion, but they still wanted her to stay overnight for observation.

Visiting hours were over, so I headed out to the waiting room. I called the police to report the rape attempt. They promised they'd look into it as soon as possible, and I collapsed in a chair. I dozed on and off through the night. It was almost five in the morning by the cops were able to get to the hospital. Apparently it had been a busy night for crime.

Katie was woken up, and the cops questioned both of us. Katie reluctantly mentioned that she had been raped three years before, and that she did, in fact, remember seeing Sean Reinard at the party.

I stayed with her while she talked, a mixture of guilt, horror, sadness, and nausea beating through me. I couldn't believe I'd been so fucking stupid! I had let her go out there alone when I knew Reinard had been there earlier. I knew he had raped her. And I knew that there was a very good chance that he would try again. And yet all I had done was give her my keys and tell her to go wait in my truck. How fucking stupid and irresponsible and selfish could I fucking get?! It was all my fault Katie had almost been raped again. All my fault she had a mild concussion. I didn't even deserve to be in the same room with her.

As she reached the part about Reinard shoving her into the wall, I felt the largest wave of nausea yet hit me.

I mumbled something about needing to use the bathroom, and then I sprinted out the door, into the men's restroom. I locked myself in a stall and fell to my knees, hurling every single thing that I had consumed in the past twelve hours straight in the toilet. I gasped for breath, tears streaming down my face, nose running, as my stomach clenched over and over, pushing everything up and out.

After who-knows-how-long, I collapsed on the floor, shaking both from exhaustion and from the horror of what had been done to Katie.

The bathroom door opened, and a moment later, one of the cops was kneeling on the floor, peeking under the stall door. I avoided his eyes and instead curled up into a ball.

"Your girlfriend's worried about you," he told me gently. "You've been gone a good ten minutes. She said you didn't look very good when you ran out."

"I'm fine." My voice was hoarse and my throat was dry. My mouth felt like someone had stuffed an old sock into it.

"Come on out," he said. "It's normal."

"What? To be responsible for your girlfriend almost being raped?! I set up the meeting with him! I sent her out to the parking lot all by herself because my mom called and I didn't want to talk to her out in my truck."

"She said you were trying to help her, that you were going to trap him. It wasn't necessarily the best way, but given the circumstances, I can understand why you did it. And as for sending her out there, she said you both thought he had left. Run off. Probably the only reason why he even hung around was to go after her one last time. Did you know he'd been appearing all over campus, wherever she was?"

"He – he was?"

"Yeah. She didn't think much of it. She thought it was creepy, but it didn't even occur to her that he was the one who had raped her. He was going to go after her no matter what. Because of you, he didn't manage to rape her a second time. Because of you, we'll probably have him in custody before long. It's not your fault that she was almost raped, James. It's his fault. You didn't put a gun to his head. It was his choice, he went after her, just like he roofied her three years ago. You might have saved her life. She doesn't blame you, and she thinks you're a hero for doing what you did."

I flushed the toilet and pushed myself to my feet. I was a little unsteady, but I managed to get out of the stall. I washed my hands and rinsed out my mouth, before popping a handful of _Tic-Tacs_. The cop gave me a small smile. "And for the record, this isn't the first sexual assault charge that's come up against Sean Reinard. A couple of them popped up when he was in high school, but nothing ever came of it. His dad's pretty rich, and could hire a good lawyer and pay off the judge, but I don't think Daddy's going to be able to buy his way out of this mess this time around."

I blinked at him. "Are you serious? No one ever heard about that."

"It was kept quiet. But Reinard finally pushed the line. He went after the wrong girl."

We left the bathroom and I bought a _Sprite_ from a soda machine, before going into Katie's room. She was sitting up, knees pulled up to her chest and arms wrapped around them. She looked up when we came in, and her bottom lip began trembling. "I – I was afraid you'd left," she mumbled out, blinking back tears.

"I didn't. I'm sorry." I sat down next to her, pulling her into my arms, before noticing the presence of a woman who I had never seen before. She had dark brown hair pulled back into a loose bun, and her eyes were warm and brown.

"I'm Meryl Kline, a psychiatrist. I do some freelance work for the police department."

"She specializes in teen cases," the cop who had come to get me explained. "She'll be talking to Katie before she's released, to make sure it's okay for her to go home."

"I told them I'm already going to family counseling, but they brought her in anyway," Katie said to me, resting her head against my shoulder.

"I don't think family counseling is going to do much good with rape," I told her, holding her a little closer.

Meryl nodded. "The police department doesn't do this for all cases, but they do try. I'll just talk to her and get a feel for where she's at. Emotionally, she's going to be pretty torn up for a little while. Don't be surprised if she's more clingy than usual, if she's suddenly paranoid about losing you. You saved her, so she's probably going to have a bit of a hero complex when it comes to you."

"I find that hard to imagine…"

Meryl chuckled. "Mind if we begin?" she asked Katie.

An hour later, Sean was in custody for sexual assault, physical assault, and drugging an unsuspecting girl, and Meryl had finished her session with Katie. She gave Katie her business card and told her to call her if there was anything she wanted to try to work through or talk through. Katie promised her she would, and I actually had a pretty good feeling that she'd follow through on that. She seemed to like Meryl a lot more than Doctor Harrison.

By eight-o-clock that morning, I was allowed to bring Katie back to my house. She was doing much better, though definitely exhausted and still emotional from such a hard twelve hours, and she immediately fell into our bed, snuggling under the covers.

I sat down beside her, stroking her hair. "Do you want me to call your parents or brother?"

"No," she mumbled. "They never knew about the original rape, and I don't want them to know now."

"Word's going to get around," I reminded her. "Someone will hear something from one of the nurses in the hospital, or from a cop's wife, and then the news will be all over town."

"I just want to avoid it for as long as possible," she told me, closing her eyes.

"Okay." I kissed her forehead and laid down beside her, pulling her into my arms. Within seconds, she was fast asleep. I drifted off soon after with a small sigh.

By Sunday afternoon, Katie was doing much better. Her head still hurt, but she was taking pain meds to help with it. The main thing was that she didn't want to be left alone, and that was okay with me. I didn't like leaving her alone either. I kept her near me at pretty much all times, and that kept us both as relaxed as we were going to get. My mom had stopped by the house a couple of times the last two days, but mainly she was spending time either at the office, or at the hospital with my dad. The latter was surprising, to say the least. I couldn't remember the last time she had willingly spent time with Dad. Katie came with me on Saturday evening to see him. She was pretty adamant about me going to visit him, and since neither of us wanted her to be alone, she tagged along.

My mom had heard from a friend on the police department that Katie had almost been raped. Katie reluctantly explained what had happened, and both Mom and Dad were about ready to go and beat the living shit out of Sean Reinard by the time she finished the story. Dad actually threw his covers back and tried to get to his feet, but a nurse came in at that moment and told him to get his ass back into bed.

No one in Katie's family called about the attempted rape. Katie was pretty sure they hadn't heard, and I was hoping that was the case. I was sure Jennifer Knight would care, but it was hard to say about her father…I was pretty sure Kendall would be beyond livid when he found out what had almost happened to his baby sister. For all he was putting the blame on her, he still loved her, of that I was sure. After all, you don't just stop loving someone because you're hurting.

Sunday afternoon found Katie and me on the couch, my arm around her and her head on my shoulder as we watched TV, occasionally flipping through channels to see what else was on. It was nice and quiet and relaxing, exactly what we both needed after the insanity and terror that had been Friday.

We were in the middle of a rerun of _Bewitched_ when my phone rang. I dug it out of my jeans pocket and checked the Caller ID. It was my mom. I hit the receive button and put it up to my ear. "Hey, what's up?"

"Your dad…he just had a heart attack…James, get down here, _now_!" Mom sounded almost hysterical as she relayed the message to me.

"Okay, okay, I'm on my way!" I hung up and turned to Katie, who had straightened up and was looking at me in worry. "My dad had a heart attack, I have to get down to the hospital."

She nodded. "Do what you have to do. I'll see you when you get home."

"Thanks." I kissed her quickly before gathering my keys and wallet up. "Love you."

"Love you too."

I was out the door and in the car in thirty seconds flat. My foot was pressing down on the gas the entire way to the hospital. My stomach was tightening and un-tightening rhythmically, my heart pounding so loudly against my ribcage that I was worried it might actually break my ribs.

I finally reached the hospital, parked, and rushed in. I hurried up to my dad's room and found my mom and Savannah both there, faces white. The doctors were gathered around my dad's bed, and they had him connected to a fibrillator, one of those machines that gets your heart beating again.

My mom grabbed me and pulled me into her arms, tears streaming down her face as the doctors yelled orders to each other, never looking away. Through the gap of the white coats, I could see my dad's body, limp and unmoving.

They hit the machine again, and he was jolted by the shock. And then there was another one. And another one. And then…

All that could be heard was a long beep. The heart monitor's screen showed one long, straight line.

The doctors checked his pulse, and then listened at his mouth for signs of breathing.

At last, they stepped back and one of the doctors bowed his head. "Time of death – 5:45 PM."

* * *

**Katie's POV**

It was almost midnight and I hadn't heard from James. I had ended up ordering takeout for dinner, and then at about eleven, I crawled into bed. We had class the next morning, but I was tossing and turning, restless and worried. Something had gone wrong…I just knew it.

I sighed, rolling over for what felt like the hundredth time in less than an hour. I wanted to text James, but I didn't want to bother him. Besides, he should've been home hours ago…I was worried. What if something had happened to him? What if he had been in a car accident? What if Reinard had gotten to him? That thought alone made me want to vomit.

I just wanted James to come home. I didn't feel even slightly safe without him.

Suddenly, there was a flash of headlights and the purr of two different engines. I leapt out of bed and hurried to the window. Both Brooke and James had just pulled up.

I dashed downstairs, just as the door opened. James and Brooke trailed in. Brooke's face was red and puffy, her usual makeup running in streaks under her eyes and over her cheeks. James' face was just bone white, his eyes glazed over.

I looked at Brooke, almost pleadingly, hoping, praying, that what I was sure had happened hadn't happened at all. Please…

Brooke shook her head, her voice catching. "He's…he passed away. They couldn't…the doctors couldn't…they couldn't save him…"

I struggled with the urge to burst into tears. James and Brooke didn't need me starting to cry when they were already in so much overwhelming pain.

Instead, I just wrapped my arms around them both, hugging them. Brooke leaned into me, but James barely responded.

Brooke pulled back after a few seconds and wiped at her eyes. "I'm – I'm going to go upstairs…see if I can get some sleep…I don't think James will be able to go to class tomorrow. Are you planning on it?" she asked me.

"I don't – I don't know."

"Maybe you should stay home and be with him."

"Won't you be home?"

"I have to make funeral arrangements and meet with Ben's lawyer. Savannah's not planning on doing anything, she'd rather play the part of the helpless, grief-stricken widow." Brooke wiped at her eyes again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking about her like that."

"No, it's okay. Go get some sleep. I'll stay with James."

"All right. Thank you." She kissed his head, gave me a quick hug, and then headed upstairs to her room.

I took James' hand in mine and led him upstairs as well. I got him onto his bed, and crawled in next to him, wrapping my arms around him.

Neither of us said anything for the entire night, but I don't think either of us ever fell asleep either. We were too lost in our own thoughts, too immersed in our pain.

* * *

_***Hides in closet* Is it safe to come out? Do you guys hate me? Do you want to kill me? I'm really, really, REALLY sorry about what just happened. I really am. But like I said, it was planned from the very beginning, not that it made any of it any easier to write. But I hope you guys will forgive me for Mr. Diamond's death.**_

_**So, if you guys are still speaking to me, even if it's just to yell at me, do the review button a favor and click on it? Let me know what you think? If I even want to know what you guys think...? *Blinks hopefully***_


	13. Chapter 12: Funeral Arrangements

_**I'm FINALLY getting chapter twelve up! I'm so sorry for the long wait! This was just a difficult chapter to write, and I'm still not sure I did it justice, but hopefully you guys like it.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. It's, sadly, just that simple.**_

_**Guest: Wasn't it? Thank you so much for reviewing, I really appreciate it :)**_

_**blackangel156: Thank you, I'm glad you like it! Well, I "hurried the frac up", as you put it ;) I'm sorry for the wait, and I hope you enjoy it :) Thank you for reviewing, I really appreciate it!**_

_**THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, followed, or read this story! I appreciate it so, so much, and I'm constantly amazed at how sweet you all are :) So thank you 3 (- we're just going to pretend that's a heart, okay?)**_

_**Warnings: Language, grief, and mild innuendos.**_

_**Once again, I'm so sorry you guys had to wait almost two months for this. I just got so busy with school, it's really been hitting me hard. And then I went on vacation and even though I was always writing, I never seemed to make any progress. And then I came back home and pretty much got knocked out with the homework sledgehammer. I'm going to do my best to get back to updating regularly, but I can't promise anything, especially since I'm adding another class to my workload, along with (possibly) posting another story, which you can thank Dana2184 for. She agreed to write a Jatie story to fix my Jatie cravings, and in turn, I promised her I'd post a story for her. So, shout out to her, because she's awesome and I love her Jatie, and her new story, What The Hell (taken from the Avril Lavigne song, by the way) is so far amazing :) Anyway, my original point was, I'm really hoping you guys will forgive me and will be patient with me, and I'll do my best to update as often as I can.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Funeral Arrangements**

**Katie's POV**

I must have dozed off, because when I opened my eyes around seven-thirty, James was sound asleep in my arms, his head resting on my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair absentmindedly, before closing my eyes again. I managed to fall back to sleep for the next few hours, and when I awoke next, it was noon and gray light was streaming in through the curtains.

James was awake, I could tell at once by his breathing and by how tense he was. I opened my eyes and scooted up so that I could look at him. He gazed back at me, eyes sad, expression grief-stricken. I stroked the back of my hand down his cheek, and he sighed, leaning into me as his eyes closed again.

"I don't know what to say," I said after a couple minutes of silence.

"Don't," he croaked out, his voice hoarse. "Don't say anything. I don't want to talk. I don't want to feel."

"What do you want?" I asked softly.

"I don't know." He rolled over, facing away from me, and I let out a small sigh.

"I'm sorry. We won't talk, and you don't have to feel. But I'm going to be here for you, okay? If you need anything, I'm here."

"Okay."

I sighed again. "Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Thirsty?"

"No."

"Tired?"

"No."

"You need anything at all?"

"No."

"Okay," I said slowly. I knew this was part of the grieving process, and who could blame him? He had just lost his father the day before. He wasn't going to be bouncing back anytime soon. "Well, I'm going to go make myself something to eat. If you want or need anything, I'll be in the kitchen. Well, actually the bathroom first. I'm going to take a shower."

"Okay."

I got to my feet and headed into the bathroom, where I quickly brushed my teeth and did my business, before stripping and stepping into the shower.

I sighed as the hot water hit me, forcing myself to relax. I needed to give James his space, that was all. I couldn't push him into anything. Right now, he just needed to be left alone. As long as he knew I was there when he was ready to talk, then things would be okay in the end. At least, that's what I told myself. I had to believe it, because if I didn't, if things turned bad, I had no idea what I would do. I couldn't lose him now, not when I had just finally gotten him. Not when he had saved me. Not when he had told me he loved me.

I finally climbed out of the shower and dried myself off, before heading back to the bedroom. James was laying on his back, staring aimlessly at the wall, and I found myself looking at him sadly as I pulled out clothes and began to get dressed. I just wished there was something I could do to comfort him, if only for a little while. I just wanted to take away the pain and emotional turmoil he was feeling, to soothe him long enough so that he could begin to heal. But I knew that wasn't going to happen, not so soon after his father's death. I was sad enough over Mr. Diamond's death; I could only imagine how James was feeling.

Once I had finished getting dressed, I walked over to him and kissed his forehead. His eyes closed again, and he let out a small sigh. I felt him reach up, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. I moved my lips down to his cheek, his other cheek, his nose, and finally his lips.

It was amazing how much emotion that could be conveyed in a single kiss. I could feel desperation, pain, sorrow, need, grief, anger, and confusion all rolling off of him the second his lips touched mine.

I found myself pushing closer, not even sure what I was trying to tell him, just knowing that I needed him, that I needed him to need me.

After several seconds, I pulled away from him, taking a deep breath. "Do you want me to stay?"

"Please?" It came out as a whisper, a breeze passing between his lips.

I nodded and crawled back onto the bed with him, wrapping my arms around him once more. James sighed, snuggling into me, and I held him. Neither of us said anything, and before long, I was lost in my thoughts. All I wanted at that point was to erase the last few days, ensure that they would never happen, that James and I could live in our own little world forever and ever, and nothing would ever ruin it. It would just be him and me, maybe on our own private island, a tropical paradise, with no outside influences, no family problems, no sexual assaulters, no fathers who had just passed away not even twenty-four hours ago. We could just stay there for all of eternity, and it would be bliss, wonderful bliss, just him and me, me and him.

I was jolted out of my little fantasy world by the feeling of his body shaking and shuddering. For a split second, I thought he had been hit with a case of the chills, but then I realized that he was…crying…

I had never seen or heard James Diamond cry. Not once in my life. He was always the brave one, the tough one, the cynical one. He would never let anyone see him break down, or feel emotion. Yet here he was, sobbing into my chest as I held him close.

I reached my hand up to stroke his hair, murmuring softly, reassuringly to him, letting him cry. He gripped me tightly, his body quaking more fiercely as his sobs intensified, and I felt a lump growing in my throat, and tears stung at my eyes, before spilling over down my cheeks. I clutched at him right back, biting my lip to keep from beginning to sob as well. I rested my chin on his head, tears still streaking down my face, and I closed my eyes, trying to stem the flow, though it didn't do any good.

At last, the tears were no longer falling, and after a few seconds, I realized James wasn't shaking as badly as he had, and his sobs were subsiding.

Eventually, his body relaxed, and his grip on me loosened, his breathing evening out. I pulled back enough to look at him, and I smiled sadly when I realized that he was sound asleep.

I kissed his forehead, letting my lips linger, before wiggling out from under him. I got off of the bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen, where I grabbed a chair and dragged it over to the cabinets above the counter. I clambered onto the chair and opened the designated cabinet door, quickly spotting just what I was looking for.

I grabbed the boxes of macaroni and cheese and closed the door. I put the chair back and got to work on the mac n' cheese, barely paying any attention to what I was doing. My mind was too filled with James. I could still hear him crying, still feel his body quivering against mine.

Something told me that that was the first time he had broken down. From the look that had been on his face when he and his mom had walked into the house the night before, I had a feeling he hadn't even cried at the hospital. He had probably sunk into his protective shell, trying to deflect the feelings that were sure to overwhelm him once he was shaken out of it. And now he had been. And he had broken down in my arms.

I bit my lip again, fighting back tears again as remorse and grief and sympathy for James hit me with the force of a freight train. I held onto the counter as I felt a sob rip from my throat and I bowed my head, letting myself fall to pieces right there in the kitchen, my stomach screaming from the sudden surge of emotions, my chest clenching with every wave of pain that rolled through me.

And then the pan of water I had placed on the stove was boiling and I blindly dumped the macaroni in, not even seeing what I was doing. And then the pasta was finished and I was draining it into a colander, and mixing the cheese sauce, and then the cheese and the macaroni was being stirred together, and it was like someone else was doing it, someone who hadn't almost been raped a second time three days ago, someone who's boyfriend hadn't just lost his dad, someone who wasn't grieving both for said boyfriend, while being absolutely terrified of losing him. Someone who's face wasn't soaked with tears, who's eyes weren't raw and puffy, who's throat was dry and hoarse from the sobbing. Someone who wasn't me.

The fact of the matter was, I didn't know how to be to James whatever it was he needed to be. All I wanted to do was cling to him, but I was sure that was the last thing he needed. But what else could I do? Keep on telling him that I was there for him, no matter what? What good did that do when I had no clue what I was doing?

At last, the macaroni and cheese was completely finished, and I dished myself up a bowl, sitting at the table and feeling absolutely miserable. I couldn't even begin to imagine how James was going to get past this. He and his dad were just finally beginning to get along, just beginning to bond, and now…he was gone. How were you supposed to move on after losing that? And how did you help someone do just that? How did you help them deal with their grief, deal with the pain? Because the pain was almost suffocating to me, and maybe it was a combination of post traumatic syndrome and sadness, but I knew that no matter how much I was feeling, it had to be a billion times worth for James.

I finished my food and put the leftover macaroni and cheese in a Tupperware container, before placing it on a shelf in the fridge. A split second later, the doorbell rang, and I wandered through the house to the front door. I unlocked it and opened it.

One of the biggest gossips of the town, Izzy Sinclair, stood there, holding a foil-wrapped pan. She was about my mother's age, with mousy, frizzy brown hair, and too much makeup slathered on.

"Can I help you?" I asked her, blinking in the light. Even though it was overcast outside, it was still brighter than it was inside.

"Not you," Izzy told me, "but if you could get either James or Brooke Diamond, than that would be great."

"I'm sorry, Brooke isn't home, and James is asleep."

"Ah, of course. I imagine it was a rough night."

I soundlessly nodded.

"Well, either way, how are they doing?" she asked.

"How would you be doing if your ex husband or dad died less than twenty-four hours ago?" I retorted. "They're both in a lot of pain."

"And you're here because…?"

"Didn't you hear? I'm living with the Diamonds."

"Oh yes, I almost forgot your parents are splitting up." She clicked her tongue. "Things must have gotten quite nasty for you to move in with James Diamond."

"Explain to me how that's your business?" I replied coolly. "What's in the pan?"

"Tater-Tot hot dish. But really, I heard you and your family had to go to counseling. And then there was something about an altercation outside _The Grill_ with Sean Reinard. What exactly happened with that?"

"I just love how you actually think that that's your business," I snarled, taking the pan from her.

"Everyone knows," Izzy informed me. "You, your family, and the Diamonds are the talk of the town."

"Fucking perfect. Now, go away."

"Are you sleeping with James Diamond?" was her next question.

"Yeah, I'm fucking him every single night. Now leave before I call the cops on you for trespassing." And with that, I slammed the door in her face, and locked it up, growling to myself. What a fucking busybody.

I kicked away from the door and marched into the kitchen. I set the pan down on the counter and peeled back the foil wrap to eye the casserole. It looked pretty normal…

Well, good. That could be tonight's dinner.

I put it in the fridge and headed back upstairs to check on James.

He was just waking up when I walked into our room. He blinked at me, before croaking out, "Did I hear the doorbell ring?"

I nodded. "It was Izzy Sinclair. Guess word's gotten around town about…well, everything."

"Oh."

I sat down on the bed beside him, and pulled him closer to me. He rested his head on my shoulder, and I ran my fingers through his hair. "Don't worry about her. She's just a gossip and a busybody. She asked me if I'm sleeping with you."

"What'd you say?"

"That I'm fucking you every single night."

He let out a weak laugh. "Bet she'll get a kick out of that."

"Oh, I imagine she will. And along with everyone else who she tells. But you know what? Who cares what they say? All them talking about us shows is that they have nothing more interesting to do then dissect other people's lives."

He let out a noise of agreement.

"And the important thing is," I continued on, still trailing my fingers through his hair as I laid my head against his, "that we love each other."

"Right," James agreed. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd manage without me."

"No…I don't think I would. In some ways, I think you saved me from myself…I was already so fucked up that I was sleeping with any girl who would flash a smile my way."

"We were both pretty well fucked up," I pointed out. "We needed each other, it's why we ended up together."

"Exactly," he murmured in agreement.

"I just wish I could've saved you from this…"

He didn't say anything in response to that, so I took that as a sign that I needed to change the subject.

"Are you hungry?" I asked. "There's macaroni and cheese, and tater-tot hot dish in the fridge."

"I guess…"

"Which one would you like?"

"Did Izzy make one of the two?"

"Yeah, the tater-tot hot dish."

"I'll go with the macaroni and cheese."

I chuckled and got up. "I'll reheat you up some."

James pushed himself to his feet, towering over me. "Um…Katie?"

"Yeah?"

"About earlier…"

"Don't worry about it. You needed to break down. It was going to happen sooner or later."

He silently nodded, and I stood on my tip toes to kiss his cheek. "Come on, let's go get you some food."

* * *

**James' POV**

It was late by the time my mom got home. She looked absolutely exhausted, dark shadows under her eyes, and her skin paler than usual. She dropped onto the couch, looking about ready to pass out.

I sat down beside her while Katie hurried back into the kitchen to get her a plate of food, and Mom rested her head on my shoulder. "Today has been exhausting," she breathed out after a few seconds. "Savannah is making a fuss about the ceremony, and the lawyers are making plans to read your father's will in a couple of days, and just everything is a complete mess right now. But I did manage to get the funeral arranged for Saturday, at Canton Lake Truth and Peace church."

"Okay. That's a nice place."

"It is. And we'll have a funeral procession over to the cemetery, where we'll lower his casket, and then we'll return to the church for a reception."

"Oh."

Mom squeezed my hand. "It'll be okay, we'll get through this."

"I hope so…"

At that moment, Katie came hurrying back in with a plate laden with tater-tot hot dish and macaroni and cheese. "And you looked like you needed a cup of tea, so I've got that steeping," she told my mom, who gave her a wan smile.

"Thank you, sweetie. And thank you for staying here with James today."

"It wasn't a problem."

"Still. Thank you so much. And…about Friday night…"

I watched as Katie's face turned stark white, and I reached out my hand to her, taking hers and pulling her over the couch. She fell into my lap, and I wrapped my arms around her.

"I was thinking," Mom continued on, "that you should see a therapist."

"I'm fine," Katie said quickly, leaning into me.

"No, you're not. You were raped two years ago, and you were almost raped again by the same person the other night. You need help, honey."

Katie sighed. "Look, you guys have enough stuff to worry about without bringing me into the picture."

"James cares about you a lot, so that means that I care about you just as much. And if you're going to take care of us, then we're going to take care of you."

"You really don't have to – "

"We do," Mom said firmly. "Besides, it's something to think about besides funeral arrangements and clearing the town's streets so that we can have a funeral procession to the cemetery. Not that you needing therapy for post traumatic syndrome is any more pleasant, but it's something different."

Katie let out a small laugh. "Let's just worry about that after the funeral's over. I don't want to be a burden."

"And you're not."

"Just…we'll talk about this once everything's been taken care of, okay?"

Mom sighed. "You're as stubborn as James. I don't know how you two get anywhere."

I smiled slightly. "We work our differences out in bed."

Katie let out an embarrassed squeal and hid her flaming face in my chest, while Mom just shook her head. "I have no idea what I'm going to do with you…" she said to me.

"Love me forever?"

"All right, I guess I can do that."

I chuckled, and looked down at Katie. She was still snuggled into me, and I smiled a little bit again. She was warm and soft and comforting against me, and I was forcefully reminded of how much I loved her. I couldn't even remember what I had done without her. All I could think of was that I must have been extremely lonely.

And the fact was, I had been. You didn't get emotional comfort when you had one night stand after one night stand. You didn't get the intimacy. And you certainly didn't get the love.

The rest of the week passed by all too quickly. In fact, looking back on them, they were pretty much nothing but a blur. Finals were coming up, but I never went to class. I e-mailed my professors to let them know that I had family obligations to contend with. One of my professors was very nice and understanding. My other two professors informed me that if I missed more than four days of class, they would bring my grade down to a C, and not even a perfect final could save it.

I responded very eloquently with "Screw you".

Katie, on the other hand, did go back to class on Tuesday, though she said that evening that she wasn't focused at all.

By Wednesday, news about the attempted rape had spread, and people kept going up to her and asking her about it. And there was a lot of backlash from Sean Reinard's friends, who insisted that Katie deserved what she got three years ago, and would have had what was coming to her on Friday night. It took both Katie and my mom holding me back to keep me from storming out the door and taking my old hockey stick to those bastards' skulls.

No one messed with Katie.

No one.

Mrs. Knight attempted to get in touch with Katie that same evening, but Katie asked her, sounding exhausted as she spoke into the phone, to please just wait a little while, that she was still recovering from what had happened the week before, and that she really wasn't feeling very warm and fuzzy towards her family at the moment.

Kendall was next. He attempted to corner Katie on Thursday afternoon as she was heading towards her car, but she refused to talk to him.

The one person who I knew Katie wanted to hear from never bothered to call her. Her dad was all but MIA, save for a couple of rumors that he was searching for a house for him and his secretary/mistress, Lydia.

Katie did not take kindly to that news.

"Let me get this straight!" she cried. "He has time to go house hunting for him and his slut, but he doesn't have time to shoot me a text saying, _Hey, I heard you were almost raped, are you okay? _What the fuck is wrong with him?!"

I sighed as I watched her pace back and forth across our room, wishing there was something I could do.

"I mean, is it really so hard to contact me? I could have been killed, and he's not even acknowledging my existence! I might as well be nonexistent to him. That's what he wants, right? It's obvious he doesn't want to be bogged down by his kids. Well, you know what? He can go fuck himself for all I care. I'm so done with him." And with that, she threw herself onto the bed beside me, arms crossed, chest heaving.

I gazed at her for a long moment, before saying, "Well, guess I don't have to worry about sending him an invitation to the funeral."

There was a pause, and then she let out a giggle. "I guess not."

I grabbed the list of invitees off of my desk and crossed her dad's name off the list, making a huge production of it for her entertainment. She giggled again, before getting to her feet. "I'm going to go jump into the shower. Want to join me?"

I nodded. "I'm right behind you."

On Friday afternoon, my mom and I met up with Savannah at the church to double check on all of the arrangements, before heading over to the lawyer's office to hear the reading of my dad's will.

The majority of his property was split up between my mom and me. Savannah got enough to live off of for a few months, but then she would – _gasp_ – have to get a job. The rest of the property was donated to a charity that my dad had supported most of his life – and yes, they got quite a bit more than Savannah did.

Needless to say, Savannah was not happy. My mom, the lawyer, and I were treated to one of her bitch tantrums, during which she threw lamps, chucked books at the wall, attempted to smash the window, and did her best to severely injure the lawyer.

When she had finally calmed down, he looked at her coolly and began reading off the expenses for the damage she had just done. And then he took it straight out of her inheritance.

I wasn't sure if he was legally allowed to do that, but I wasn't going to turn him in. Besides, the look on Savannah's face was completely worth it. She looked like she was about to explode.

Before she could blow the place up, the lawyer called security and had her escorted from the building.

It was pretty awesome.

When Mom and I got home that evening, we found Katie sitting in the middle of the kitchen, surrounded by trays of different cheeses and deli meats, pans of casseroles, and even a crock pot that was bubbling with some sort of tortilla soup. She gave us a small smile. "How'd it go?"

"Let's just say it's obvious who Ben really loved," Mom said. "James and me. He left almost nothing to Savannah."

"Oh, wow…" She got out a loaf of bread, along with mustard, mayonnaise, and dill relish, and laid it out on the counter. "Dinner." She nodded at the food. "People have been dropping stuff off all day. My mom made the lasagna," she added, pointing to a foil-wrapped pan balancing on the stove.

"That's so nice of everyone," Mom smiled a little as she sank down into a chair. "It's been a long day."

I nodded in agreement.

Katie dished us up plates of food, before sitting down with us with her own plate.

We were halfway through the meal before Mom spoke up: "Tomorrow's the funeral."

Katie and I both nodded silently. I didn't want to think about what tomorrow would bring. I didn't want to have to admit that my dad was no longer here, that he was dead, that he had left me. I wasn't ready to. I'd been able to focus on other stuff for the past week, but I knew the second I stepped foot in the church, it would all hit me. I wasn't sure I could go through with it.

As if reading my mind, Katie reached for my hand and squeezed it.

I sighed. I had a feeling that tonight and tomorrow were going to be extremely long.

* * *

_**Not a lot really going on in that chapter, but I hope you guys still enjoyed it. What'd you think of it? What do you think of Izzy Sinclair? Sorry if I didn't get James' and Katie's emotions right. I was really trying to, but I was struggling with it.**_

_**Please review? I'd really like to know what you guys think of this chapter :)**_


	14. Chapter 13: The Funeral

_**Yay! I'm getting a new chapter up a week after my last update!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, owned Big Time Rush. Nor do I own the hymn "Amazing Grace".**_

_**Guest (btrfanfiction1516): It definitely was, and this chapter's going to be emotional as well. Thank you so much for reviewing, I appreciate it :)**_

_**blackangel156: Thank you so much! I'm so happy you enjoyed it :) Does this count as hurrying it up? Thank you for taking the time to review, I really appreciate it :)**_

_**Guest: Thank you very much :) I'm glad you liked it! And thank you for reviewing, I really appreciate it.**_

_**THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, followed, or read this story! I always say it in the beginning of my chapters because I really do appreciate you guys taking the time to click on my stories :)**_

_**Warnings: Language and sadness.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: The Funeral**

**James' POV**

I barely slept that night. I tossed and turned but I just couldn't seem to drift off for more than a half hour at a time. At last, Katie turned on my bedside lamp and looked over at me.

"It's five in the morning. How much have you slept?"

"Not a lot," I admitted.

"Yeah, me neither…" She sighed, running her fingers through her tangled hair. "I'm not even tired, I feel completely awake."

I nodded in agreement.

"Do you want to try to get some more sleep?" she asked me.

"I don't think it'll do any good. I'm too restless."

"Come on, let's get up."

"Okay."

We both crawled out of bed and she slipped a hoodie on over her pajama top. We wandered downstairs to the living room together, to find my mom camped out on the couch, watching TV.

"Couldn't sleep?" she asked when she saw us.

We both shook our heads in answer.

"Me neither. Come on, get yourselves some hot chocolate and have a seat. We'll go out to an early breakfast in a couple of hours, not much point in staying here with the memories."

Katie and I both nodded. This had been my parents' house. When my dad had been caught cheating on her with Savannah, my mom kicked him out. But there were still little bits and pieces that proved that he had once lived here. The couch we were sitting on, which he had bought as a wedding anniversary present for my mom. The Picasso painting hanging on the back wall, that he and my mom had fought for when they were going through the process of divorce. The hockey poster that hung on my bedroom wall, which my dad had gotten me after he had taken me to my very first hockey game, when I was six. My first hockey stick that was stuffed way back in my closet. My first MP3 player. My collection of the _Harry Potter_ and _Lord of the Rings_ books.

The list went on and on.

I swallowed back the growing lump in my throat and followed Katie into the kitchen. I pulled out two coffee mugs, while she dug out the hot chocolate mix. Mom already had water boiling on the stove, so we added the water and the mix quickly, before heading back out to the living room.

We spent the next couple of hours watching TV with my mom, before going upstairs to shower and get dressed.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as Katie buttoned up black skinny jeans and pulled on a tank top, before topping it with a hoodie. She slipped her feet into Converse sneakers and looked over at me. "You okay?"

I nodded. "I'm fine." I slipped my own t-shirt over my head and straightened it out.

"Really? Because your jeans are still undone."

"Oops…" I quickly did up my jeans before tying up my own sneakers. I grabbed a sweatshirt and pulled it on. "Ready?"

"Yeah." We headed downstairs together, where Mom was waiting for us.

Fifteen minutes later, we were sitting in the diner that Katie and I had stopped at after our first, and so far only, date. I made a mental note that once everything was taken care of, that I was going to make sure we got a second, third, fourth, fifth, and dozens of dates afterwards. But for now, I just had to focus on getting through today.

We sat down in a corner booth, away from the main traffic of the restaurant, Katie and me on one side, and Mom on the other. I immediately slipped my arm around Katie, pulling her against me securely. I didn't have any plans to let go of her today. I was going to need her more than ever in the next few hours, of that I was positive.

We ordered breakfast a few minutes later, along with a pot of strong coffee, and Katie laid her head on my shoulder, allowing me to rest my head against hers. Mom smiled a little at us, letting out a tiny "Aww!", before stirring cream and sugar into the coffeepot and pouring us each a cup. As she raised the cup to her lips, her eyes darted to the main part of the restaurant, her pupils narrowing at once.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, sitting up straight.

"Izzy Sinclair is here," she replied. "Along with the rest of Canton Lake's resident Busybodies Club."

I glanced over at them, and immediately caught sight of them muttering and nodding their heads towards us, gleeful smirks on their faces as they whispered to each other behind their hands, no doubt creating a new scandal for the town to hear. I just hoped they would save it for after the funeral – I didn't need any more stress today.

Katie shot them a look as well. "I'm sure word's gotten around town that I'm screwing you," she said to me, voice dripping with a thick mixture of poison and tension. "And you know they'll turn it into the biggest scandal this town has ever seen. Like it's such a big deal. This isn't the 1910s, they need to get with the times."

I nodded in agreement. "They're all bitches. Oh, and here comes our food."

The waitress was winding her way around tables, carrying a huge tray laden with three plates. She reached our table and set a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of Mom, a plate with waffles, topped with whipped cream and strawberries at Katie's place, and a plate covered with an omelet, bacon strips (what? I'm only half Jewish, and I have a deep, passionate love for all things bacon), and hash brown patties in front of me.

We all dug in hungrily, and didn't say anything for the rest of the meal.

At last, we had finished our food, and the coffeepot was almost empty. I excused myself and headed towards the men's restroom, where I did my business and washed my hands, before walking out and bumping straight into Izzy.

"Excuse me," I said politely, shifting so that I could move around her, all the while wondering why she was waiting outside the men's room in the first place. No one had come in after me, and besides, she hadn't been sitting with any males at her table.

"James," she smiled at me, "I was hoping I'd run into you before the funeral. How are you holding up?"

"As well as can be expected. If you'll excuse me – "

"I came to your house the other day," she continued on, fingers fastening around my lower arm and fake nails digging into my skin. "But your girlfriend refused to come and get you."

"So I heard. And I was sleeping, I'd been up all night, and I was exhausted."

"Of course. Well, I decided to give Katie a slack, on account of her parents. You know they're getting divorced, right?"

"Katie mentioned something about that to me," I said dryly. "But I don't really see how it's any of your business."

"They're a part of the town, James. Just like you and your mom are. Just like your father was."

"If being a part of this town means that people talk about me nonstop and spread rumors and gossip about me, then I'm not sure I really want to stay here."

"You didn't really want to stay here in the first place," she snapped back at me. "That's why you moved out to California."

"And I wish I'd stayed there! At least out there I didn't have to deal with nosy busybodies who can't keep their noses out of everyone else's business!" And with that, I wrenched my arm out of her grasp and stalked back to my table. "Izzy Sinclair just cornered me," I informed Mom and Katie through gritted teeth. "We had a bit of a confrontation."

"Wish she'd mind her own fucking business," Katie grumbled. "Whatever. She's a bitch. Come on, let's get out of here."

Mom threw cash down on the table to pay for our food, and Katie and I added the tip, before hurrying out of the restaurant. As I held the door open for Mom and Katie, I glanced over at Izzy's table, and locked eyes with her. She was sneering at me, lip curled back, and I knew at once that she was going to do everything in her power to rip apart my already ruined reputation.

Bring it, you fucking bitch. Bring it.

I held her gaze long enough to send her the message that if she fucked with me, then I was going to tear her apart, before stepping out of the restaurant.

I definitely didn't need this today.

Mom drove us back to the house, and we all headed upstairs to shower and change clothes, to get ready for the funeral.

"Do you want the shower first?" I asked Katie.

"Don't you want it?"

"Nah, I'm going to shave and stuff first."

"Okay. Then I guess I'll take it." She followed me into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She turned the shower on, letting the water heat up as she stripped down, letting her clothes pool up on the floor. She shivered slightly as she climbed into the shower; I let my eyes follow her every movement, before looking away as she closed the shower door.

I let my mind drift as I moved my electric razor over my jaw, listening to the tumbling of the water, like a small waterfall, and the occasional movement from the shower.

At last, the shower turned off, and Katie slid the door back, reaching for the towels on the rack, wrapping one around her body, and catching her hair up in the other one. "All yours," she told me, giving me a small smile.

"Thanks." I smiled sadly back at her, and finished what I had been doing, before pulling my clothes off and getting into the shower. I took a quick one, before drying off and heading out to my bedroom. Katie had already finished getting dressed, and she was now fumbling with getting her earrings in. I smiled slightly as I began to pull out my clothes. She was wearing a black skirt, black short sleeved blouse, and black boots. I could see a cross dangling around her neck, and her makeup was light, her long brown hair falling straight down over her shoulders and tumbling down her back.

"You're beautiful," I said so softly that she turned around.

"I'm sorry?"

"You're beautiful. So beautiful."

Her cheeks flushed a light pink. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." I pulled on the suit I was wearing to the funeral, and got my shoes on as well, before running a comb through my hair. "Almost ready?"

"Yeah." She finished playing with her earrings and grabbed her purse and coat. "Let's head out."

We made our way down the stairs to find my mom decked out in her favorite black dress, a coat over her arm and a purse dangling from her hand. "Ready?"

We both nodded, just as my mom's phone rang. She pulled it out and put it up to her ear. "Hello? What? What? Oh, you're kidding…Well, I'll take care of it later, after the funeral. Yes…yes…well, thank you for letting me know. Thank you. Yes, the same to you." She hung up and looked at me. "Would you mind driving yourself and Katie to the church? I'm going to have to go into the office after the service, there's a problem with the Diamond Cosmetics headquarters on Parablo."

I nodded. "Sure." I got my keys and led Katie out to my car. We settled in and I started it, backing out of the driveway.

"What's Parablo?" Katie asked curiously.

"It's this island down south. Small population, but it's got a good college. My mom practically owns the whole place, since Diamond Cosmetics is the only major business down there. She originally wanted me to go to Parablo University, but I chose to run off to LA instead." I shrugged. "Looking back on it, maybe I should have gone to the college."

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously. "You did go to a college out in California."

"Yeah, but I was always so busy trying to jumpstart my career and actually working on paying for classes that I didn't get very far with it. I hit a bunch of dead ends, I got my bank account completely emptied at one point by someone who most certainly was not me, and yeah, basically just had a string of bad luck."

"That's awful," Katie told me. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks. So, maybe in some ways, it was a miracle I ended up having to return to Canton Lake."

"Maybe…"

"Not where I want to be, but it's not like I have much of a choice. Well, unless I wanted to go to Parablo. My mom practically lives there half the time, she's got a huge mansion on the island."

"And she could get you into college there," she added.

"Yeah, exactly. So, if I felt like changing things up a little, I could move down there."

"Do you feel like changing things up a little?"

"I just want to get out of this town," I said bluntly.

"What a coincidence – so do I. My dad's never thought Kendall or I would amount to anything. He doesn't think there's any life worth living outside this town. Canton Lake has become like a prison, you know? I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to stay…"

"You've still got your family here," I pointed out. "I don't even have my mom here a good portion of the time."

"Are they really my family?" she asked. "I'm not speaking to my brother, my father wants nothing to do with me, and my mom either can't push enough, or pushes too hard. It's just…I need some space from them, you know? I spent months and months, even years, listening and watching and observing and standing on the sidelines as my parents' marriage fell apart, while trying to figure out how to either pick up the pieces, or just kick them out into the wind. And Kendall's never done anything, he never listened to me about it. And now he's pissed at me because of something that I can't control. I love him, but he's as bad as the rest of them. Believe me, James, I don't want to stay here anymore than you do. I want out of this God forsaken town. It's like Alcatraz, with a lake and a boutique."

I nodded slowly, taking in what she was saying. A red light was looming up ahead, so I eased my foot down on the brake pedal, slowly rolling to a stop. "So maybe we should escape this town together," I suggested after a moment.

She paused, biting down on her bottom lip. "Maybe we should."

I looked over at her, my stomach curdling with a honey elixir of both fear and excitement. Escape from Canton Lake…Making the escape together…Boarding a plane to leave and never come back…

I could see us together in a small apartment just off of the Parablo University campus, watching stupid TV shows together, listening to music, bickering over books. I could imagine her interrupting my showers, playfully smearing frosting on my face while she iced a cake. And I could envision me holding her after a long, hard day of school and work, and making love to her every night. I wanted it so badly that it physically hurt, my chest and stomach aching in need. We could start our lives over, away from a small town that no one could get out of, where you were either born with social status or without it, where you never moved up or down, where you either were or weren't. We could find a place where no one knew us, where there weren't any nosy gossips who just wanted to uncover the next juicy piece of scandal, who would corner someone hours before their father's funeral.

Katie and I both needed out of here. And we were going to get out, one way or another.

Katie locked eyes with me. "Are we going to do it?"

I nodded again. "We are. Maybe by the spring quarter we'll be able to transfer to Parablo University. It'll give us time to find an apartment or a house, and maybe get our hands on a job."

"Sounds like a good plan." She cut her eyes away from me. "By the way, the light just turned green."

I quickly switched my foot to the accelerator, and off we went, headed straight for the church.

The Canton Lake Truth and Peace church was just off of the main road. It was a small white chapel with stained glass windows holding biblical images and figures, and a cross rising from a single steeple on the roof. The parking lot swept all around the building, to a playground in the back, and in the front there were wooden steps leading up to a porch and the equally wooden double doors that made up the church's entrance.

It wasn't Notre Dame Cathedral by any means, but it was a nice, clean place, perfect for the inhabitants of a small town to come and worship the Lord every Sunday, or to just show up on Christmas eve and Easter, if Canton Lake's citizens were feeling particularly pious that day.

Christianity, religion, and faith were considered big and important topics in Canton Lake, and while normally that wouldn't have bothered me, there were so many gossips and hypocrites in this town that I was constantly amazed that the church wasn't struck by lightning every time a Canton Lake resident walked through the front doors.

I sighed as I moved into the right turn lane and signaled to let the other drivers know what my plans were. I made my turn neatly into the parking lot and quickly found a parking spot near the front entrance. I pulled in next to my mom's car, just in time to witness her climbing out of the driver's seat, hair blowing while her dress's skirt and coat whipped slightly in the breeze.

I looked over at Katie, and she reached over, covering my hand with her much smaller one, as much as she could. She squeezed lightly. "You're going to get through this, Jamie."

I gave her a small smile. "I know."

"Good." She leaned over and kissed me gently. "I love you and I'm here for you, no matter what. Got that?"

"Yeah, I got it. I love you too."

"Good."

I unlocked the car doors and we got out, the icy wind immediately hitting us. In the distance, I could see clouds rolling in, and knew at once that we were going to be getting snow within the next few hours.

"Mom!" I called to her.

"Yeah?" She looked over at me.

"We're going to get snow soon."

"Let's try to get this finished before we get hit," she said determinedly, high heels clicking against the pavement as she headed towards the porch stairs. We live in northern Minnesota, so snow isn't anything new to us. And in fact, we'd been expecting to get hit since October, which would have been pretty normal, but we'd had a very mild fall. But with the chilling breeze and the snow clouds making their way towards us, it was obvious winter was on us.

I locked the car up, and Katie and I made our way towards the church's entrance, pulling our coats around us a little tighter in the hopes of keeping the wind at bay.

Cars were beginning to pull into the parking lot, one by one, like a parade or a funeral procession…

I instinctively looked away from the vehicles, while reaching out almost blindly for Katie's hand. Our fingers entwined and she moved closer to me as if hoping to shield me just by being nearer.

We walked up the porch steps together and pushed through the double doors into the small lobby. There was a small, beaten up table sitting against the wall, holding a basket. Katie pulled me over to it. "Oh…programs…You want one…?" she asked me hesitantly.

"I – no thanks, but you could get one…" I had helped draw up and design the funeral plans and programs – I didn't need one to know what was going to happen. Katie had been smart enough not to ask more than the most basic questions about my mom's, the pastor's, Savannah's, and my meetings, so she didn't know exactly what order the events, if you could even call them that, would be happening in.

Katie picked up a program and bit her lip, eyes immediately glistening with tears. I saw why at once. There was a glossy picture of my dad on the outside page, and I recognized it at once. It came from a family portrait that my mom had insisted we do when I was twelve. It was the last picture that had been taken of all of us together. My dad had left my mom not long after that for Savannah, and as far as I had known up until a few days ago, my mom had burned all of his pictures.

But it turned out she had saved a few, including the one that was now featured on the program's cover.

Katie wiped at her eyes determinedly as she locked her jaw.

It wasn't long before people began to file in, and Pastor Greg encouraged people to begin taking their seats. I had been asked to be a pallbearer, along with my uncle, and his two sons. As we milled around, waiting until mostly everyone was seated, I spotted Kendall, Logan, and Carlos walking into the church together. I hadn't seen them at all since the Friday before Katie was almost raped and my dad died, and it hadn't been under fantastic circumstances in any case, so seeing them step through the church doors was definitely a little bit surprising.

But I felt my heart swell a bit as they looked around, before making a straight beeline over to me, Carlos in the lead.

"Hey, dude," he said quietly. "How're you doing?"

I laughed awkwardly. "You know, I've been better."

"I'm sure." He wrapped his arms around me in a huge bear hug, and I hugged him back gratefully. He pulled back, allowing Logan to take his place. At last, Logan stepped back, and I found myself facing Kendall. He gave me a small smile, along with a quick hug.

"I'm really sorry about your dad, James."

"Thanks," I nodded. "Katie's already seated. I don't know if your parents are coming, though."

Kendall shrugged. "That makes two of us. I think my mom might make an appearance, but I seriously doubt if my dad will bother to show up. He didn't like your dad, he doesn't like you, and I'm pretty sure he isn't capable of stepping foot into a church."

I let out a shaky laugh. "I'm sure."

"Well, we'll go get seated."

Logan, who had been peering into the church, turned to look at me. "Why is Katie sitting up front with your mom?"

"Didn't you hear? She's living with us," I told him.

"Well, yeah, I knew she was staying with you…the whole town knows, thanks to Izzy Sinclair."

"So, you guys are super close now?" Kendall confirmed, and I nodded.

"Yeah, we are."

"Good to see you two have managed to patch up your old friendship."

"Yeah, about that. Kendall, we're – "

But at that moment, my dad's brother, Uncle Charles, walked over to me. "Come on, the service is about to begin."

"Good luck, buddy," Carlos said to me seriously, patting my shoulder. "We're here for you."

"Thanks." I followed my uncle into the next room, where the coffin was. I glanced at my cousins, and they gave me sad, sympathetic smiles.

"On the count of three," Uncle Charles said as we all got into position, hands wrapping around the coffin handles. "On…two…_three_!" With almost synchronized grunts, we lifted the coffin, and made our way out of the dimly lit room, back into the bright lobby, and then through the doors that led to the sanctuary.

Down the aisle, between the seats…who was playing the organ? Did they have to play such a sad and melancholy song? And did everyone have to stare at us? What were we, circus freaks? Zoo animals? And why was this aisle so narrow, anyway? I barely had enough room to maneuver, and a sudden scene flashed through my mind, where I stumbled over a chair and dropped my end and side of the coffin, letting the lid spring open and…

Oh my God…

I swallowed back a sudden wave of nausea, and fought my very hardest to keep my face blank, trying to take deep breaths.

The room was too hot, too stuffy. They seriously needed to crack a window in here. And there were too many people in here…too much body heat…

My heart was pounding, my palms were sweating, and oh God, I was going to end up dropping the coffin after all, my hands were going to slip and the whole thing would be over and my mother would never forgive me and I would be forced to see my dad's lifeless body one last time, haunted by the sound of the heart monitor's static beep, by the way the color drained from his face. By the time the nurses had pulled the sheets up and over his head, he had looked like nothing more than a doll.

I wasn't going to forget that image anytime soon.

There was a slight jostling and the coffin banged against my leg, and I saw my cousin opposite me, Brad, wince and mouth "I tripped, sorry" to me.

And then we had reached the steps and we were mounting the stage, and then we were lowering the coffin, and the next thing I knew, I was sitting in the chair in between Katie and my mom, trying to get my heart to stop racing.

Katie looked over at me, hand finding mine again. "Are you okay?" she whispered to me as the pastor began to speak. "You look like you're trying to fight off a panic attack."

"I don't know…" I murmured back. "I think I am…I think I just got hit with claustrophobia."

"Since when do you – "

"I've never had it…"

She gave me a sad look and ran her fingers through my hair. "Oh, James…" She pulled my head down onto her shoulder, kissing the top of my head.

My mom glanced over at me as well, but her eyes were glazed, and I knew she was beyond out of it.

Pastor Greg continued on, talking about life and death, about how sad it was when someone passed on. He led us in a couple of hymns, talked some more, and then asked, "Would you all please stand up?"

We rose as one.

"Will you please turn to page three-twenty-nine in your books?"

Katie held out the bible that had been in the pocket in the back of the chair in front of her, and quickly flipped to the designated page. I found myself staring at the lyrics for _Amazing Grace_.

The organ began to play, and in complete harmony, the inhabitants of the church began to sing:

"'_Amazing grace! How sweet the sound  
That saved a wretch like me!  
I once was lost, but now am found;  
Was blind, but now I see._

_'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,_  
_And grace my fears relieved;_  
_How precious did that grace appear_  
_The hour I first believed._

_Through many dangers, toils and snares,_  
_I have already come;_  
_'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,_  
_And grace will lead me home_…'"

I felt my eyes fill with tears, and my voice caught in my throat, unable to get past the lump that was now growing. Tears spilled down my face, as all the while the voices surrounded me, like ghosts or angels, singing as my vision blurred, as I fought against losing it right then and there in front of the entire town.

"'_The Lord has promised good to me,  
His word my hope secures;  
He will my__shield and__portion be,  
As long as life endures._

_Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,_  
_And mortal life shall cease,_  
_I shall possess, within the veil,_  
_A life of joy and peace._

_The world shall soon dissolve like snow,_  
_The sun refuse to shine;_  
_But God, who called me here below,_  
_Shall be forever mine._

_When we've been there ten thousand years,_  
_Bright shining as the sun,_  
_We've no less days to sing God's praise_  
_Than when we'd first begun_.'"

"James…" Katie whispered. "It's over. The service is over. You have to…" she nudged me forward, and I found myself stumbling back out into the aisle and up to the stage, where I helped my cousins and uncle lift the coffin. We carried it back through the sanctuary. Miraculously, somehow, I managed not to bump into anything, despite the fact that my eyes were still covered with a film of tears.

I could hear the scrape of shoes as people began to follow us out into the lobby. Instead of turning right into the tiny little room the coffin had been in before, we went left, out of the front doors and down the steps, into the waiting hearse. We loaded it into the back and slammed the doors shut, before spinning around to find what looked like every single person in the whole fucking town standing there, just watching us.

I could see my friends' parents, and Jennifer Knight. I spotted Izzy and her group of friends. My dad's employees were all there, as were my mom's friends, and the women who had been with Savannah that night at the movie theater. And then there was my mom, clinging to Katie. She wasn't crying, but her face was stark white, her eyes larger than normal, and I knew the second she was alone she was going to break down.

It was several long seconds before people began to walk towards their cars. I stepped away from the hearse and met up with Katie halfway to the car. I glanced over at my mom. "Are you okay to drive?"

She nodded. "I'm fine. I just need to get through this, we all do."

"Okay." I unlocked the car doors and Katie and I climbed in.

She turned at once to look at me. "James…"

"I just need to get through the burial, and then through the reception," I said firmly. "I can't break down until then."

She nodded. "Okay. Come on, let's get this funeral procession started."

I started the car and backed out of the parking spot, coming in behind my mom as she followed the hearse out of the lot and onto the street. In my rear view mirror, I could see Logan's car behind me, and his mom's car behind his.

And so the procession to the cemetery had begun.

* * *

_**So yeah, that was the funeral chapter. What'd you guys think of it? Did you like it okay? Did you like it enough to pay some attention to the review button and let me know what you think? ;) Either way, I hope you guys enjoyed it and that I did James' emotions, and the chapter itself, justice.**_


	15. Chapter 14: Touch the Flame

_**Another update for Touch the Flame!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush, and as awesome as it would be, I most likely never will.**_

_**Guest: Aww, I hope you didn't cry! Hope this doesn't constitute as waiting too long. Thank you for reviewing, I really appreciate it :)**_

_**THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, followed, or read this story. I can't tell you how much the support means to me, and I'm always blown away by it. So thank you so very, very much. *Huge hug* to everyone.**_

_**Warnings: (Strong ones for this chapter) Sadness, grief, mentions of spirituality/religious beliefs, sexual content, language, and violence.**_

_**So, we've reached the title chapter. This is one that I've been planning since the conception of this story. It's got it's intense moments, and I would definitely say that it's the climax for this story. It also signifies that the story's going to be ending soon. I'd say there'll be another 2-3 chapters at this point, though depending on what happens, there may be more, and there may be less. Not quite sure yet. I'm also going to say that there might be some talk of stuff that some of you won't agree with. If that's the case, I hope it doesn't offend you, it's not my intention. It's just part of the story, and it was natural to bring it up. So please don't bite my head off if you don't like what I've put in here, because it was necessary and just natural and it's not intended to preach.**_

_**So, after that long A/N, enjoy the chapter! :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Touch the Flame**

**Katie's POV**

The line of cars grew longer and longer, until I was sure we would end up backed up all the way at the other end of town. All I could see when I turned around in my seat were different types of vehicles: SUVs, pickup trucks, cars, minivans.

James' fingers were clenched around the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles had gone paper white. His jaw was set, and his eyes stared straight ahead like he was mentally aiming at a bulls eye. I bit my lip, watching him. It was obvious he was on the verge of breaking down, both him and his mom, but I knew neither of them would let themselves have a melt down until they were in the privacy of their own home. Not that I blamed them. The entire town had turned up for the funeral, and everyone was watching them. I knew one of the only reasons why everyone had gathered around the hearse at the end of the service was to see James, to size him up, to see how he was holding up, to gather fodder for gossip.

No doubt the funeral would be whispered and talked and tsked about for the next week at least. The details would be chatted about over coffee, while James would be pointed and nodded at every time he stepped out his own front door. I knew how this town worked just as well as James did. No doubt me sitting with him at the service would also cause a scandal. And Izzy Sinclair would definitely spread it around that I was sleeping with him, even though I had been completely sarcastic when I had snapped at her about it. I mean, obviously I was sleeping with James, but Izzy didn't actually know that. But I wouldn't put it past to her to tell the whole freaking town about that. Why it was such a scandal I had no idea. But somehow, I knew that everyone was going to treat it like one. I guess in some ways it made sense – James came from a rich family, and my family wasn't exactly known for having a lot of money. Not to mention the fact that he was my older brother's best friend, and we had a history of not getting along.

I just hoped that for once, Izzy kept her fat mouth shut.

And I was definitely hoping that James and I really could get out of Canton Lake before long. I knew we were saying by the spring quarter, but if we could do it even sooner…I definitely wouldn't mind. I was so ready to get out of this damn town. And being away from here, on an island, at an actual university, living in an apartment with James? That sounded like my own personal definition of heaven. I couldn't wait for it to actually happen. I could imagine us lounging in our living room, eating takeout while chatting about our different classes. And the very idea of falling asleep beside him every night and waking up next to him every morning sounded like the most perfect thing in the world. I would get to feel him pressed up against me, arms around my waist, and the first thing I would see when I opened my eyes would be the way his hair was messed up and the sleepy, absolutely adorable smile on his face when he was having a good dream. I loved that idea more than anything. What I wouldn't give for that to actually happen, and to happen soon.

And then suddenly the headlights were flashing on, on each car, one by one, and any passerby, bicyclist, or skateboarder, immediately moved away.

I continued to gaze at James, watching the way he pressed his lips together, before swallowing hard. For a moment, his eyes closed, and I could see emotion passing over his face, and then his eyes were open again and his expression was blank and empty, completely deprived of feelings.

_Oh James…Just let go…_

I let out a small sigh and looked away, but reached over to take his hand in mine. He gave my hand a small squeeze in response, and I sighed softly again. I couldn't wait for this day to be over. James just needed to relax and just…Just let it all out, I guess. He had cried the afternoon after his dad had died, but I hadn't seen him cry or yell or anything since then, until today. He had been too focused on everything else, on the funeral, on what had happened to me, on arguing with his professors, on the reading of his father's will. But after today, there wouldn't be anything more to do. And it would more than likely hit him, if it hadn't already. But I was pretty sure it had, at least a little bit. I had seen the tears streaming down his face during the service, when we had been singing _Amazing Grace_.

I just wished I could take him home and hold him and let him have his time to mourn and grieve for his father, but I knew that at this point in time, he needed to be there for his mom, and he needed to get through the rest of today, before he could really take the time he needed to begin to heal. Until then, the only thing I could really do was be there for him.

And that was exactly what I planned on doing.

We finally reached the cemetery and James parked his pickup. We both climbed out, the wind even stronger than it had been at the church, and the air sharp and biting against my exposed skin.

James' hand found mine as we came around the hood of his truck, and I pulled him closer, letting him lean against me, before he pulled away to go help his uncle and cousins with the casket. I walked over to Brooke and gave her a sad smile.

"How're you doing?"

"I'm hanging in there," she said. "I'll probably break down tonight, but for now, I'm holding up."

"Good. Just get through the rest of today."

"That's my plan."

I wrapped my arm around her and she scooted closer to me. We made our way down the path to the cemetery plot. It was nothing but a huge, rectangular hole in the middle of the ground. I hoped they were planning on filling it up once we were finished here, because the wind was getting even worse, and frost was forming on the ground. I had no doubt that we were going to be hit with a blizzard tonight, none at all.

People began to gather around the plot, and at last, everyone was in place. The pastor stood at the front of the crowd, speaking more about life and death, and led us in a prayer, before stepping back. "Now is the time for goodbyes," he said firmly. "Come forward if there is anything you need to say or do."

There was a long pause, and then I moved forward to the casket. Fighting back tears, I knelt down beside the wooden box and placed my hand on it. Quietly so that no one could hear me, I murmured,

"Thank you for doing your best to make up and repair your relationship with James. You really became an important part of his life. I'm just sorry your time together was cut short. And thank you for always being so nice and sweet and amazing to me. You were a better father to me in the past few months that my own dad has been." My throat caught, and suddenly tears were spilling over. "James and I are both going to miss you so, so much, I can't even tell you how much. I just hope you're happier where you are and that you're looking down on James and helping him, because with this town, he's going to be needing it." I swallowed hard and wiped at my eyes. "Goodbye," I whispered, before straightening up and walking back to my place beside Brooke.

Several more people came forward, one by one, to say their last goodbyes to Mr. Diamond, and then Brooke moved up to the coffin. She spent a few times just kneeling there, hands pressed to the wood, as if somehow she could push life into the box.

After she joined me again, a few others spent some time with the coffin, and then finally James stepped forward. He knelt down for a few seconds, but then got back up and walked over to me.

"Well," the pastor said, "if there is no one else, then we can all return to the church for the reception. The cemetery's crane will lower the casket into the grave later today."

There was a general murmur of agreement and consensus, and people began to move back along the path to the parking lot. Brooke cast one last look at the coffin, before walking away, her face absolutely grief stricken.

I let out a deep breath and turned around to see if James was ready to leave. The words died in my mouth as he slowly approached the coffin again, before getting down on his knees beside it. His body was rigid, and he was gasping, obviously fighting back the inevitable break down.

I watched as he waged war against it, but finally he gave in. With a shuddering breath, tears began to stream down his face, and he grappled senselessly at the wood, his breath shaking ferociously.

My eyes filled with tears of their own, before spilling over. I wasn't sure if I should stay there to comfort him, or if he wanted to be alone. I knew James was generally a very private person, but I also knew that, even though he would never admit it, he liked to be held and comforted once in awhile. And chances were, this was one of those times when he would need someone.

I slowly moved towards him, searching for any signs that he even remembered that I was there. Instead, he just cried even harder, his sobs echoing with raw angst. Just listening to him was painful, enough to make me want to wrap my arms around myself and curl up into a ball. But I continued to close the distance between us.

He sank to the ground, almost collapsing, as he cried even harder, his body almost spasm-ing with the force of his sobs.

I lowered myself down next to him, not touching him, but just being there in case he decided that he did need someone.

His sobs eventually quieted down until he was just shaking, his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. His face was drenched with tears, and his eyes were red rimmed, filled with sadness and grief and anger and hurt and every raw emotion possible.

At last, he slowly began to relax, and he rested his head against the side of the coffin.

"It just hit me," he said after a long moment, his voice hoarse from the intensity of his sobs, "that I'm never going to see him again. Never going to fight with him, or talk to him, or laugh with him, or hug him, or tell him about what's going on in my life, or listen to him talking about what it was like when he was younger. That the second the coffin is lowered into the grave, I completely lose him."

"You don't lose him," I said softly. "Didn't _Harry Potter_ teach you anything? The ones who we love never really leave us. Your dad's still with you, he's still watching over you. And even if you don't believe in that, he's still here, in your heart." I placed my hand over his chest, feeling his heart thump against my palm. "He loved you, James. Believe me, I don't think he's going to abandon you. He might have departed this world, but he's still going to be with you, in one way or another."

"Do you really believe that?" he asked me seriously.

I nodded. "Yeah, I really do. I haven't lost a parent, but I have lost people who've meant a lot to me. I haven't forgotten about them. There'll be something that'll remind me of them, whether it's a necklace or a song or even just a keychain. Sometimes I can hear their voices telling me something, like a ghost whispering in a way."

"You're a much more positive person than I am," James informed me.

"Maybe. Maybe I'm just not as jaded as you. Or maybe my beliefs are just different. But whichever one it is, I still think your dad's going to be with you in one way or another."

He sighed and wiped at his eyes. "I'd like to believe that, but I just don't know…"

"James, if we managed to make up and end up in a relationship together, then that's proof that _anything_ can happen."

He let out a weak chuckle. "I guess…"

"Don't guess. Know. Believe."

"Yeah, we'll see."

"We will."

He glanced back at the coffin and turned around, a shadow of sadness crossing his face once more. "Goodbye," he whispered. "I love you. Goodbye." And with that, he got to his feet, and I followed him. He rested his hand on the lid, before pushing away, sliding his hand into mine.

He looked over his shoulder, and a tear spilled over, slipping down his cheek.

I wrapped my arm around his waist. "I'm so sorry, Jamie."

He didn't say anything; instead, he just continued walking.

We reached his pickup a minute later and climbed into the cab. He got the engine roaring to life, and backed out of the parking spot.

"Are you going back to the church?" I asked him, and he nodded.

"I really don't think my mom's going to be making an appearance there, so I'm going to. I don't really want to stay for very long though."

"Understandable."

He drove to the church and parked. We got out again and headed into the meeting room. It was set up with tables covered in white, plastic tablecloths, and at one end of the room, there was a long counter laden with various plates and bowls of food, and coolers of drinks.

I glanced around, but didn't see any of my family, or any of our friends. Chances were they had chosen to skip out on the reception, and I couldn't blame them. The reception felt like a formality, just a way to neatly wrap up the funeral.

The atmosphere was a lot more cheerful, and I could hear people laughing, but I couldn't even begin to think about smiling, much less cracking a joke. Instead, I just dished myself up, James staying close to me at all times, and led him over to an empty table.

We sat down, not even looking anyone else in the room. I took a bite of my macaroni salad, and glanced over at James, who was picking at his food.

"Eat," I encouraged him. "Just a little bit. You'll feel better once you do."

He nodded and bit into his sandwich.

We made it halfway through our food before people decided to come over to talk to us. James and I chatted with them a little ("The service was lovely." "Thank you so much, we did our best.") before politely excusing ourselves and heading for the exit. Time to leave.

We threw our trash in the garbage can by the door, and rushed out together, back outside, into the icy wind. James' fingers wound themselves around mine, leading me to his truck. We were halfway across the parking lot when something wet hit my face. I blinked. What the – ? And then I spotted a snowflake melting on my coat's sleeve.

"The blizzard's rolling in," I said as the snow began to fall a little harder.

"Maybe. It might just pass by us," James replied as he unlocked his truck.

"Let's hope so," I put in as we climbed into the cab. We buckled up and he got it started. Thirty seconds later, we were on the road, the windshield wipers going as the snow began to come down even more forcefully, the heater on full blast.

James glanced over at me. "Where to?"

"Huh? Weren't we going back to your place?"

"Well…we could…" he bit his lip hesitantly.

"You don't want to."

"Not really…There's so many memories there…"

"I get it," I assured him. "We can go back to my house. I doubt anyone's going to be there. Plus, it's closer, so we can get off of the roads quicker."

"Yeah, let's do that. Though I guess I probably should make a pit stop at my house, so that I can change clothes," he said.

I nodded. "I wouldn't mind getting out of this damn skirt."

As planned, we stopped by his house and changed clothes quickly, before hurrying back out. Fifteen minutes later, he was parked in front of my house, and I was fumbling with my keys, trying to get the front door open so that we could get out of the cold. There was a click as the door unlocked, and I pushed it open. We huddled inside and I slammed the door shut, locking it back up. The driveway had been empty, and as far as I knew, my mom was rarely at the house anymore. I had heard that she was staying at a friend's, so that she wouldn't have to be alone.

I began walking around the house, turning the heat on, and cranking up the gas fireplace.

"It's weird," James said as he looked around the living room. "The last time I was here was before school started, after we made out at the SuperDuperMart." He grinned slightly at the memory, and my cheeks heated up.

"Oh yeah, you came here with Kendall to get his _Spiderman_ DVDs."

"Yeah." He nodded, slipping his hands into his jeans pockets. "Good times."

"Very good times," I agreed. "Do you want anything? Hot chocolate? More food? Tea?"

"Um…hot chocolate? Does your mom even still have it?"

"Not sure, but it wouldn't surprise me. She loves her hot chocolate."

I headed into the kitchen and quickly located a box of white hot chocolate mix. "Found some!"

"Whoo hoo!"

I made us both mugs of hot chocolate and brought them back out to the living room, setting them down on the coffee table. I headed back into the kitchen and located the last of the double chocolate chip cookies, in a freezer burn proof bag in the freezer. I knew Mom had made a batch a couple of nights before Dad had left, and it didn't surprise me that there was still a few left.

I took them out to the living room and put them on the table, sinking down on the couch beside James.

He looked at them. "What're those from?"

"The calm before the storm," I replied.

"Huh?"

"My mom would make cookies whenever we were in one of the _eye of the storm_ phases," I explained to him. "These were made a couple of days before the last fight."

"Wow…" He stared at them. "It's kind of like they're…I don't know…a symbol or something…Or proof that the fights and the drama and just…everything…happened."

I nodded. "That's pretty much what they symbolize. I'm almost afraid to eat them," I added with a small laugh. "I don't know if they'll still be any good, for one thing, and…they kind of feel like an omen."

"Can double chocolate chip cookies be omens?" James asked me, opening the bag.

"Not sure. Probably not."

"I doubt it. They need to get eaten, though. I don't think your mom or your brother or your dad is going to be eating them anytime soon."

"Very true," I agreed, and took the cookie he passed me. I dunked it in my hot chocolate and bit into it. Oh yeah…even though it had been frozen for who-knows-how-long, it was still delicious.

James did the same thing, letting his cookie sink into his hot chocolate before pulling it back out. "Man, your mom really knows how to bake," he said appreciatively. "Are you as good as her?"

"Not quite. I mean, I bake when I'm upset sometimes, but it's not really my specialty. Please tell me that's not one of your requirements."

"Nah. Just as long as your mom occasionally sends us care packages of cookies, I'll be happy."

I rolled my eyes and smacked him in the shoulder. "Smart ass."

"My ass thanks you for the compliment."

"So vane," I teased.

"I do my best," he replied, throwing me a grin. I watched as his expression changed to a little more serious, and he turned back to his cookie. "Um…I was wondering about something…"

"Okay…"

"Are you going to want to talk to Sean Reinard?"

I stared at him. "Why would I want to talk to that bastard? Did you miss the memo about what he did to me?"

"I just meant…maybe you'd want to confront him…get closure."

"The only closure I need is knowing that he was caught."

"Yeah, but – "

"James, I don't remember it happening, I was unconscious. It's still traumatizing as hell, but…I have my closure. I really don't need any more. As long as I never have to see him again, I'm good to go."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," I said firmly. "Trust me on this. I don't ever want to hear his name mentioned again, much less have to talk to him. The guy was a creep anyway. There's something wrong in his head, and he's dangerous."

"No shit."

"My point is that I want him kept as far away from me as is humanly possible. As far as I'm concerned, what he took didn't belong to him, and it doesn't even matter, because like I said, I don't remember it. What he did was utterly pointless. I'm never going to love him or want him or want anything to do with him. He might have gotten my hymen, but he didn't get anything else."

"But – but – aren't you angry?"

"You have no idea how angry I am. The guy fucking drugged me so that he could rape me! So yes, I'm very much livid. But I also don't want to dwell on it. What he did was…there isn't words to describe how awful it is. But it doesn't define who I am. I'm getting past it, and I'm going to be okay."

He nodded wordlessly.

"Besides, as far as I'm concerned, you were my first. I remember it with you, and even though I don't have anything else to compare it to, it was pretty fucking amazing."

He smiled a little. "It really was."

"Good. So don't dwell on it. You've already beat the crap out of him."

He nodded again.

"So…how're you doing?" I asked him, a little hesitantly.

"With?"

"With…you know…today…"

"I don't know," he sighed. "It really hit me in the cemetery that…that he's gone…that I'm never going to see him again…It's just not fair. We were finally starting to make some headway, we were actually beginning to get close. I had my dad back. It's just – it's not fair that he got torn away from that just as things were starting to be okay again. He was supposed to be okay, Katie. Damn it!" he covered his face with his hands. "He was supposed to pull through. He wasn't supposed to just die on me!"

"Maybe I shouldn't have asked…" I mumbled, before pulling him into my arms. There wasn't much I could say that wouldn't sound like a load of crap, so I just settled for holding him, letting him break down into fierce sobs once more. Every now and then, I could hear him groan,

"Not fair…"

And he was right, it wasn't. It wasn't fair that things like this happened, that families were torn apart, that teenage girls could get drugged and raped, that people could die just when they were turning their lives around. Stuff like this shouldn't be allowed to happen, but it did, every single day. And then everyone was left to pick up the pieces.

_But_, I reminded myself, _there's good in life as well. There's love and happiness and hope and friendship and family_.

At last, James rested his head on my shoulder, and I kissed his forehead. "I love you," I told him. "No matter what happens next, I love you."

"I love you too," he murmured back, snuggling against me. "I'm so thankful for you."

A smile tugged at my lips. "The same goes for you."

He titled his face to look up at me, cheeks stained with tears, and eyes just as red rimmed as they had been in the cemetery. And he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, raw and rough and human and just beyond amazing.

I captured his lips with mine, and he let out a moan, kissing me back. I deepened the kiss, scraping my teeth against his bottom lip, and he whined slightly, body shuddering against mine. I pulled back and he looked at me, our eyes locking. Without a second thought, I eased us down to the floor, pushing him onto his back and crawling on top of him, straddling his waist.

"Here's our goal," I told him as I began to unbutton his shirt. "We're not going to think or remember for the rest of the day. Got it?"

He nodded, and his voice was hoarse when he answered. "Got it."

"Good." I pushed his shirt off and started on his jeans, getting them off quickly as well.

"What – what're you doing?" he asked after a moment, his voice shaking.

I didn't answer; instead, I slid his boxers down his legs and wiggled back, wrapping my hand around him. He let out a shaky breath at the friction, and I inwardly smirked. Nice to see he still reacted as enthusiastically as ever to me.

Once I was sure he was hard enough, I pulled my hand away, and he groaned. I yanked my shirt off and shimmied out of my jeans, before unhooking my bra and letting it fall away. I got my underwear off and slid further down between his legs, before taking him into my mouth, slow and steady, just the way he liked it.

"Oh, fuck!" James cried, fingers coming to rest in my hair so that he could guide me. "Oh, God…Katie…" he moaned as I let my tongue flit over him, pulling back so that I could tease the head.

He whimpered and whined, hips thrusting as I continued my ministrations with my tongue. Before he could finish, however, I pulled away from him and instead straddled him once more. He blinked up at me, eyes dilated, pupils blown wide with lust, chest heaving as he panted hard. I leaned down and pressed my lips to his, forcing my tongue into his mouth before breaking free so that I could kiss and nip my way down his neck.

He let out another whine, tilting his head to the side to grant me more access. I sucked hard on his neck, and his fingers grazed down my stomach and then my thigh, to press against me. I gasped, working on his neck more forcefully than before. I reached his shoulder with my mouth, before straightening up and lining us up, lowering myself down onto him. His head fell back and I felt a small moan escape my lips.

I waited a few moments to let myself adjust, before raising myself back up and dropping back down. His hands found my hips, guiding and balancing me.

We were both so worked up that it was a matter of minutes before we were both finishing, and finishing hard.

I let out a deep breath, my head spinning slightly.

There was several minutes of silence as we both worked on catching our breath and getting our hearts to stop racing.

I looked back at him, and his eyes met mine again; the next thing I knew, I was on my back, and he was hovering over me, a smirk on his face. "My turn."

Eventually, we managed to make it up to my bedroom, where we collapsed in my bed, wrapped around each other. We slept the day off, waking each other up every now and then for another round.

"God, I love you," James sighed, holding me tightly after our most intense session yet. It was five in the morning, and the room was cool, but he was warm against me.

"I love you too," I murmured, brushing my lips over his. "So, so much. Never let me go."

"Never."

We drifted back to sleep, content and sound for the time being.

The peace didn't last for very long; I was awoken the next morning to the sound of someone cussing.

I slowly opened my eyes, before sitting straight up in bed, clutching the covers to my chest. Kendall was standing my doorway, his expression absolutely murderous, as he took in James and me in bed together, our clothes tossed on the floor from when we had made the trek upstairs.

"What the – ?" James groaned, rolling over. "Oh, fuck…Kendall…"

Kendall continued to stare at his, his mouth open. "So," he finally spoke, his voice icy cold, "this is how you get back at me for not listening to you about Mom and Dad. You fuck my best friend."

"Kendall, no! It's not like that!" I cried.

"I don't want to hear it," he snarled, before storming out.

James and I leapt out of bed, throwing on whatever clothes we could grab, before rushing out after him.

"Please just listen!" I pleaded as we spilled out into the front yard. Snow was still falling, and there was a thick layer of it, spread out over the front yard. No sign of a blizzard, just a snowstorm.

"No!" Kendall yelled. "I don't want to hear you make up excuses! I can't believe – " He broke off as an all-too familiar car pulled into the driveway beside his car. A moment later, Dad got out, staring at us.

"What the hell's going on?"

"I just caught Katie and James in Katie's bed, naked! And look at her neck! It's covered in hickeys!"

I squealed and slapped my hand over my neck, trying to hide the incriminating marks.

"They're fucking!" Kendall added. "James Diamond, player extraordinaire, is fucking my baby sister! Is this just a game to you?" he demanded of James. "Just something to do in your spare time?"

"No!" James shouted furiously. "I happen to be in love with your sister."

"Like hell you are!"

"Let me get this straight," Dad said, voice even colder than Kendall's, moving towards us. He took in me, in jeans and James' shirt, very obviously braless, and James, tanned skin peeking out from under his sweatshirt. "He came into my home, and took advantage of her?"

"He didn't take advantage of me!" I cried, stamping my foot. "We're – "

"And it's been going on for awhile," Kendall put in. "Since the beginning of the school year. Carlos thought he saw something, but they manipulated him. They've been lying to us!"

Neighbors were beginning to poke their heads out their front doors, obviously having heard the yelling and hollering.

"You don't understand," James appealed to Kendall. "It's not what you think."

"The fuck it's not," Dad growled. "How dare you sleep with my little girl. First that Reinard bastard rapes her, and now you think you can touch her just because she's been a victim?" And then his fist collided with James' jaw.

"No!" I screamed, starting towards them, but Kendall grabbed my arm. "Just fucking listen!"

Dad shoved James back against the house. "You really thought you were going to get away with sleeping with my daughter? You think she's just going to be another one of your fuck buddies? Not on my watch she's not. Get the hell out of my sight. I don't ever want to see you again."

"I'm not leaving without Katie," James retorted coolly.

Dad cut his eyes to Kendall, and the next thing I knew, Kendall was holding me tightly around my waist, keeping me from moving towards James. I let out an outraged shriek. "Let me go you fucking asshole! LET ME GO!"

The neighbors were now out on their lawns, and I could see phones in their hands, obviously getting videos and pictures of this.

Well, fuck.

We were a fucking carnival show!

Dad pushed James away, letting him stumble over the snow, before shoving him over and launching himself at him.

I struggled as hard as I could against Kendall, trying to get to James and Dad. "Leave him alone," I begged, a sob slipping out. "Please leave him alone. I love him. I'm in love with him. Please…just stop! Dad…Please…Just get off of him! _Stop_!"

"What the fuck are you doing?!" I heard a woman cry, and the next thing I knew, Lydia, my dad's secretary and mistress, was hurrying towards us, away from a taxicab. "Alex, get off of him!" She ran over and managed to haul Dad off of James, leaving him panting and bleeding and bruised in the snow.

"He's sleeping with Katie," Dad growled. "He's taking advantage of her!"

"I'm not!" James yelled, wincing slightly. I could see his lip beginning to swell. "I love her! Haven't you been listening?!"

Lydia reached down and helped him to his feet, before spinning around to face my dad. "What the fuck's wrong with you? Katie's eighteen, she's a legal adult."

"Kendall caught them in her bed, in my house."

"So your solution is to beat the shit out of him?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact it is."

"They've been fucking since September," Kendall added. "I think they had some kind of benefits relationship."

"We did, but we don't now. We're together, we're dating," I cried, still fighting against Kendall.

"Leave," Dad growled at James. "Leave, and never come back." He pushed him towards his pickup.

"Katie – " James began, and I cried harder, trying to elbow Kendall or stomp on his foot, but he was holding me too tightly. "Kendall…please…"

"Not on your life," Kendall snarled. "You're never touching my sister again, you fucker."

"Get the fuck out of my yard!" Dad roared. "If you ever come near Katie again, I'll have the cops on your ass for harassment. I don't ever want to see your face around here again. In fact, if you don't leave within the next five seconds, I really will call the cops." He pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"Alex," Lydia began, but he shot a glare at her and she fell silent.

"One…two…"

James threw another, desperate, look at me, before beginning to back up towards his pickup.

"Three…"

He stepped onto the sidewalk.

"Four…"

He unlocked the truck.

"Five."

"I'm leaving!" James hollered. "But I just love how you suddenly give a fuck about Katie. Where were you after Sean Reinard attacked her? Where were you when both you and your ex wife left her alone in the house after you left for good? Where were you when she needed her family? It was me. I was the one who pulled Reinard off of her. I was there for her when she needed a place to go because her parents had pretty much abandoned her. I was there when her family was such a fucking mess that they weren't even celebrating Thanksgiving together. I love her, and that's not going to change just because you suddenly decide to play the father card. I love her, and she loves me. And if you think otherwise, then you can go to hell." And with that, he swung into the pickup, started it, and drove away.

* * *

_**Yeah...so...intense chapter. And I'm not going to lie, I really don't think I did the fight scene justice, but I did the best I could. Fist fights are not my strong point. Anyway...**_

_**It'd be awesome to hear what you guys think of this chapter, and the review button would definitely appreciation the love and attention. So, review, because I love to hear your opinions and theories, it always cheers me up and makes me smile :)**_


	16. Chapter 15: Volatile

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or anything recognizable in this story/chapter.**_

_**Guest: I'm so sorry you had to wait so long for this chapter! But thank you, and thank you for taking the time to review :) I really appreciate it.**_

_**THANK YOU SO, SO, SO, SOOOOOOOO MUCH to everyone who has taken the time to read, favorite, follow, or review, or PM me about, any of my stories. You're all so amazing, and I can't even begin to thank you guys enough, especially because I know I kept you guys waiting for an update for all my multi chapter stories for a couple of weeks.**_

_**Warnings: Language, sexual innuendos, and mentions of violence.**_

_**Okay, so I'm updating a third story in two days :) Whoo hoo! I'm so incredibly sorry for the wait! I explained this in "Memories in the Moonlight", "Break the Ice", and "Take the Heat", but since I know some of you haven't read those stories, I'm going to repeat myself. Basically, my laptop crashed a couple weeks ago, and I just recently got a new one, thus the mass update I'm trying to do. I also said that updates for "Haunted Revenge" probably won't be as often as updates for my other stories because in some ways, it's a very difficult story for me to write. But don't worry, I'm still working on it :)**_

_**Next order of business: This chapter. It's short, but I knew it was going to be a short one anyway. It acts kind of as a bridge between the last chapter and the next chapter, which is the last chapter, if you don't count the epilogue (which yes, will be happening). So, definitely a filler chapter, and it's also a sad one, but it's necessary and one I've been planning, though I'm not sure I did it justice because I was trying to get this chapter done so that I could go on to the next one.**_

_**Anyway, now that that's all taken care of...Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen: Volatile**

**Katie's POV**

Silence fell over the neighborhood, and people began to slowly retreat back into their houses. Kendall finally let me go, and I stomped as hard as I could on his foot, before shoving him back. "I can't believe you," I snarled at him. "I can't believe you would gang up on your best friend without even knowing the details. I can't believe you would just stand there and hold me back while our darling father beat the shit out of him in the snow!"

"Katie…" Realization and regret began to dawn on his face, but I ignored it. I glared at him and turned to Dad.

"And as for you…I don't ever want to talk to you again. You don't get to come back and beat up my boyfriend when you didn't even give a fuck after I was almost raped."

"Katie, you don't know what it's been like – "

"Oh, bullshit! I know enough."

"Katie, come on, I had to. He can't get away with – "

"With what? With being there for me? With loving me? So what if we're sleeping together? This isn't some casual thing anymore! I'm not another fuck buddy of his, and I haven't been for awhile. And you know what? James is right. If you don't accept it, then you can go to hell." And with that, I pushed past him and back into the house, slamming the door behind me.

I gritted my teeth, absolutely seething. I couldn't believe that had just happened. Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable.

And now what? Where did that leave us? What was I supposed to do now?

I dashed back upstairs, barricading myself in my room, determined not to go to pieces yet. James...I needed to call him, I needed to talk to him.

I grabbed my phone and dialed his number. It rang twice, before going to voicemail.

I tried again. This time, no ringing, just straight up voicemail.

Which meant he had turned his phone off.

Fuck.

I texted him, praying he'd get it soon: **Please call me. We can figure this out. My dad's a prick, and Kendall's nuts. Please...Please call me.**

I sent the message and plopped down on my bed to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

An hour passed. And then two. And my stomach was beginning to feel like someone was scooping my insides out with a spoon.

When three hours passed, I finally found myself facing the truth. He wasn't going to call.

No doubt my dad had scared him shitless, and he was afraid to come near me.

I collapsed back against my pillows. Maybe if I could just see him face to face...

But it occurred to me that I didn't even know where he was. He might have gone home, or he might have just completely left town...The honest truth was that I had no clue where he could have gone.

An idea, an awful, scary idea, was beginning to settle over me...James and I were over. He had left. And he wasn't going to be coming back.

And I finally broke down. Tears streamed down my face and my body shook with sobs as I wrapped my arms around myself. After so many issues, so many tragedies, so much sadness, so much loss, it was my dad and brother that had torn us apart. That was irony for you. It wasn't the enemies with benefits relationship. It wasn't my parents' divorce. It wasn't my cutting. It wasn't the attempted rape. It wasn't him sleeping with his stepmom. It wasn't his father's death. It was my dad deciding that for the first time in years he gave a damn about me. And he chose to show it by beating the crap out of my boyfriend.

Some father.

And now what was I supposed to do? I couldn't just let him get away from me...Not now, not after everything that we had been through. I loved him and I needed him and _why_ couldn't he just answer his fucking phone?!

In frustration, I threw my own phone across the room, but instead of hitting the wall as I had intended, it fell into a leftover pile of clothes, completely unharmed.

I groaned and pushed myself off of my bed, going over to grab it. As I reached it, it began ringing, lighting up with James' name.

My heart jumping into my throat, I snatched it up and answered it. "Hey. I wasn't sure if I was going to hear from you..."

"Yeah...listen. The whole town's already talking."

"W-what?"

"They're talking. Izzy Sinclair and all those other bitches. I have to leave town, Katie."

"I - what?"

"I'm leaving Canton Lake. For good."

"_You're_ leaving? Not...not us?"

"The fact is, today proved that you still have a life here."

"It doesn't prove anything. All it shows is that my dad's a major jackass and Kendall's a two faced prick. Believe me, I'd be much better off away from everyone."

"Would you?" he asked tiredly. "You've got school here. Your family's trying to work itself out - "

I snorted in dark amusement.

" - And your dad might actually try to patch things up with you. And people are going to look at you as a victim, not as the attacker."

"What? James, you're not the one who raped me."

"I'm aware of that. But people are acting like I seduced you or something. I can't be here any longer. So I'm leaving."

"And you're going to that - that island?"

"Parablo. And yeah."

"When are you leaving?"

"I'm not sure. My mom and I are still working out the details, though. But before Christmas for sure."

"That's only a few weeks away..."

"Yeah, I know. The sooner the better."

"Oh."

Silence fell, and I clutched the phone harder, as if I thought that if I held on a little tighter, James wouldn't leave Canton Lake without me. But the fact was, it was happening, and there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing in the least.

"Yeah," he said heavily. "So...I just called to tell you."

"So, that's that? This is essentially your Dear John letter to me? After everything we've been through? I thought you loved me."

"I do love you! I just...I can't be with you. I already have too many things going through my head, and I don't need any trouble with your family."

"Really," I said flatly. "So, you're just leaving me hanging? You're just throwing me to the wolves? That's it? Goodbye? It's over? Adios? You can't do this, James. You can't do this to me!"

"Katie...please..." I heard his voice crack.

"Please _what_?!"

"Please don't make this any harder than it already is. Right now there's too much fucking shit going on in my life and in this town, and I just can't be with anyone right now. Today with your dad and brother was the final straw."

"And there's not in mine? Newsflash, James - the world doesn't revolve around you. There are other people in it, other people in this town, other people in this relationship. You don't just get to decide to fuck someone over because it suits your purpose. Nah uh. Believe me, the second you leave, the second you get on that plane, you're going to regret it. And when you eventually come back to Canton Lake, I might not be here anymore. Or maybe I would have just moved on from you. You want me gone? Well, this is me leaving. Goodbye, James. Have a nice life." And with that, I hung up, desperately wishing I had one of those old telephones so that I could slam the receiver down.

And that was it. Our relationship was over. And it wasn't going to be getting fixed.

* * *

**James' POV**

I stared at the phone in my hand.

That was it. Katie and I were over. We had broken up, and there was nothing I could do or say now that would repair it. Or, rather, the one thing that I could do, I wasn't sure would be the best idea.

After I had driven away from her house, I'd got to thinking about my life here in Canton Lake, and her life here. As much as I hated to admit it, she still had a life here. She still had friends, still had family. My friends were barely speaking to me, if at all, I had just been almost knocked unconscious by my girlfriend's dad, had almost had the cops called on me, and was now the talk of the town.

Katie could stay here, and she needed to. She deserved it more than anyone else. I had left, made my escape three years ago, only to be forced to return, but she had never stepped outside of Canton Lake. Part of the reason why I was treated like such an outsider was because I had deigned to leave, but she hadn't. She still had a chance here, a chance to fix everything that had gone wrong in her life, whereas I had lost it the second I had hopped a plane to Los Angeles.

But she was right. By the time I came back to Canton Lake, she'd either be gone or taken, and it would be too late. I could never undo this, but the fact was, she deserved someone better than me. Someone who could be emotionally available, someone who wasn't grieving for their father, someone who wasn't running from the reputation that followed him around since high school. We weren't meant to be together, no matter how desperately I wanted it, and it was time to walk away and let her go on living her own life.

We had been thrown together when we needed it most, but now that her dad was back in her life, and her brother was making a reappearance as well, she wasn't going to need me anymore.

Nevertheless, the pain of what had just happened was worse than having someone reach in and pull my heart out while simultaneously crushing it.

Mom looked over at me from where she was sitting at her desk. "You're stupid," she informed me.

"What? _Mom_!"

"Well, you are," she tssked. "That girl's madly in love with you, and you with her, and breaking up with her so that she can have a life here is stupid."

"I don't want her to just pick up and leave Canton Lake because of me."

"Sweetie, she's going to leave no matter what happens. She doesn't belong here anymore than you do. She's going to leave and never come back, the same way you were planning to. And when that happens, you won't be able to find her. You need to call her and get her over here and talk things over, because you know what? You can't let her get away. I've never seen you like this with anyone else. She might not be your soul mate, but she's what you need at this point in time, and you're what she needs. You've gone through way too much together in the past few months to just toss your history away because you're trying to salvage something that she doesn't want salvaged. James, _listen to me_," she added, a tone of urgency creeping into her voice, "don't be like me. Don't let her get away simply because you're trying to save face. You're humiliated that her dad beat the shit out of you. I'm pretty pissed off about that. But you know what? You didn't go through everything you went through with her just to let her dad tear you two apart. It's what he wants. You're scared of him and you always have been, and I know that that's a huge reason behind what you're doing. And you know that the second you run away to Parablo with Katie, you two are in it together, and that's a huge commitment. But don't let your fears get the best of you. Don't break something apart that you can't fix. Don't do something you're going to regret. Let her make her own decision, and don't make it for her. She has enough people who are going to try to do that, but you shouldn't be one of those people."

"Mom...Kendall just let it happen...he held Katie back...she was screaming and crying and struggling against him...If he doesn't trust me with his sister, then maybe I'm not good enough for her."

Mom pursed her lips together. "Kendall's a smart boy, but he doesn't always make the best decisions, and sometimes he sides with the wrong people, and sometimes he does the wrong things. He's going to realize how much he messed up, and he'll...he'll come around, sweetie. He was shocked that he walked in on you in bed with his little sister, and he was angry and hurt, but he'll get over it. But just breaking up with her isn't going to do anything to repair your friendship with him. And it's not going to get Alex Knight off your back either. He's going to slander your name around town for as long as he can, because that's just the kind of person he is. And you know why he beat the crap out of you? It was because he didn't want people to think he daughter's a slut. If he'd simply heard tell of it, he wouldn't have reacted at all, but he was there, so he had to do something and he had to make it look good. James, Alex is a manipulator and a royal prick. He doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself and he's always been like that. You can't let him influence your actions. His girlfriend intervened, and I think that says something. And Katie was screaming and crying and struggling against Kendall? You can't let her stay here, not if she doesn't want to. You need to get her over here and sit down and talk to her, tell her what's going through your head, because that girl's been through every bit as much as you have, and she deserves to know why you did what you did, she deserves to know the actual reasons. So call her up. And here," she handed me two plane tickets. "If Katie agrees, your plane leaves on Tuesday at five PM from Burton International airport."

"And if she doesn't agree to come?"

"Then use it anyway. But hopefully Katie will be on the plane with you." She got out of her chair and stood on her tiptoes, kissing my forehead. "Lots of luck, sweetie."

And with that, she left her office, leaving me alone with just my phone and the receipt.

With a deep breath, I redialed Katie's number and put the phone up to my ear.

I half expected her to just let the phone ring until it was redirected to voice mail, but on the third ring, she answered. "What?" she demanded, sounding just as angry as she had when she had hung up.

"I...Can we talk?"

"I don't know, James. Can we?"

"Please? I just...I just want to explain what was going through my head."

She paused for a long moment, before conceding. "Fine. I need to pick up my stuff from your house anyway."

"Okay."

"I'll be over in twenty minutes."

"Sounds good." We hung up and I let out a deep breath. At least she was coming over, even though she didn't sound very open to hearing me out. But I couldn't blame her in the least. If it was me, I wouldn't even have picked up the phone, but she was a much nicer person than me and was usually willing to give people a chance. That didn't necessarily mean that she would believe me or forgive me, but it was a start, so that was something.

I went out to the living room, pacing the length of the floor as I anxiously waited for Katie to arrive. It occurred to me that her car was still parked in my driveway, so I had no idea how she was going to be getting over here. But I was hoping that if she needed a ride, she'd give me a call and ask me to pick her up.

But just as Katie had told me, twenty minutes later, there was a knock on the front door. I hurriedly threw it open and saw Katie standing there in jeans, a pea coat, and snow boots, her hair tied back in low pigtails and her cheeks rosy from the cold. I almost smiled at how adorable she looked, but instead stood back to let her in. I could see a Honda pulling away from the curb, and Katie turned around to wave.

"Lydia, my dad's mistress," she explained when she saw my questioning look. "She made him drive her back across town so that she could get her car. It was in the shop earlier, so that's why she took a cab. I guess he'd come over to the house to pick some things up and he wanted her to help. I guess he didn't expect anyone to be there."

"Why did Kendall show up?" I asked curiously as I closed and locked the door up behind her.

She kicked her boots off and unbuttoned her coat. "Same thing actually. He wanted to grab some stuff from his bedroom. We all had bad timing."

"Yeah, guess so."

"So, what'd you want to tell me? What's your explanation?" she asked, her tone turning from almost casual to all business.

I took a deep breath and repeated everything that my mom had thrown at me. As much as I didn't want to admit it, she had been so right. It was almost scary how well she knew me, but I guess that was her job as my mom.

Katie listened, occasionally nodding but never interrupting.

At last, I fell silent and instead just looked at her almost pleadingly. "I know you're mad and I know I hurt you. But if you could at least think about it..."

She took a deep breath. "The thing is...I love you. I never completely got over you when you did what you did four years ago. I'm always going to love you, no matter what. But we both have a lot of problems that we need to work through before we can even think about having a relationship. We're too dangerous together, too afraid to explode; we're too volatile. You have commitment issues, and I have trust issues. We're not going to work together."

"You sound like me," I informed her, crossing my arms. "You're bullshitting your way out of this."

"Well, I learned from the best," she replied coolly. "Yeah, you know what? I am mad and I am hurt. You were the one person I thought I could count on. And until we get past whatever problems we have, we're going to be a complete disaster. Besides, it's like you said. My family might actually be able to fix itself, and I should stick around to see if that happens."

And with that, she turned on her heel and stalked up the stairs.

We packed herself together, never speaking, and at last, I silently helped her carry all her stuff down to her car, the plane tickets tucked in my jeans pocket.

At last, everything was loaded into her car, and she was turning to face me. "So," she said, "I guess this is it."

"It doesn't have to be," I quietly said. I reached into my pocket and pulled out one of the plane tickets. "Here. The plane leaves from the Burton International Airport at five PM on Tuesday. If you change your mind...Think about it. Please?"

She hesitated even as her gloved fingers enclosed around the paper. "I'm not going to show up, James. You hurt me too soon after everything. And we're both too fucked up for this."

"Just keep it. It's there to use if you change your mind. Okay?"

"Okay." She put the ticket in her purse. "And thanks."

"For?"

"Just...for everything. You made things almost bearable."

I let out a small laugh. "Same goes for you."

She gave me a small, sad smile, before standing on her tip toes and pressing her lips to mine for a long moment, before pulling back. "Goodbye, James," she said simply, before getting into her car, starting it, and driving away.

* * *

**_Okay, I know you guys are probably about ready to go after me with pitchforks and torches. But please don't! This chapter was necessary for the story, and if you, you know, kill me or something, I won't be able to post the next chapter. So yeah. Don't try to kill the writer, please. It'd be much appreciated :) And I'd ask you guys to review, but I'm a little nervous about doing it...Though yeah, even if you want to strangle me (which I really hope you don't) please review, because it'll probably make you feel better. Okay? Okay. :)_**


	17. Chapter 16: Unlike Casablanca

_**Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever owned Big Time Rush. I also don't own the movie "Casablanca", though if you've never seen it before, you should totally watch it because it's an awesome movie.**_

_**Guest: Thank you for reviewing! And I'm happy you liked the chapter :)**_

_**THANK YOU SO, SO, SO, SOOOOOOOOO MUCH to everyone who had read, followed, favorited, or reviewed "Touch the Flame". You guys are amazing and awesome and I love you all so much!**_

_**Whew...okay! We've come to the last chapter (if you don't count the epilogue). It's kind of hard to believe, that the story has actually come this far. Not really a lot I want to say for this chapter, just that I hadn't planned (at all) to put the references to "Casablanca" in this story, but it kind of happened, and it kind of surprised me how the ending kind of paralleled James' mindset. Oh, and I haven't seen the movie for a few years, so I might have gotten bits of the ending wrong. Same goes for the stuff at the airport. I was just writing from what I remembered, so if there's any inaccuracies, could you guys please point them out so that I can fix them? I would appreciate it soooooooo much!**_

_**Warnings: Language, sexual references, and references to violence.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen: Unlike Casablanca…**

**James' POV**

I'm not going to lie. The second Katie's car was out of sight, I dashed back into the house and locked myself in my bathroom, where I broke down, almost as badly as I had at my dad's funeral.

She was gone. She was gone and she wasn't coming back, and unlike my dad, she had chosen to leave.

Maybe she was right. Maybe we were both too fucked up to be in a relationship, but that didn't mean we didn't deserve to be together. And maybe when I had broken up with her, told her she needed to stay in Canton Lake, that I was leaving without her, I had completely broken her trust in me. Maybe I deserved this, maybe I had had it coming. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell.

I barely slept that night. I tossed and turned, alone in a bed for the first time since October. But I could still smell her body wash on my sheets, her shampoo on the pillow beside mine. I cuddled her pillow to my chest, silently sobbing.

I had lost her. I had completely, totally lost her.

It was almost four in the morning when I finally got up and padded down to the couch. I grabbed the spare blankets and a pillow and settled down on it, finally drifting off into restless slumber. My dreams were cold and dark and lonely, filled with nothing but black tunnels and hollow graves. When I awoke, it was to my mom shaking my shoulder, kneeling beside me. I jerked slightly, opening my eyes. Her face was pinched with worry, her brows furrowed. "What're you doing down here?" she asked me.

I sat up slightly, rubbing my eyes. "My sheets and pillow smelled like Katie...I couldn't sleep...I missed her too much...Mom, I need her." I blinked and immediately realized I was on the verge of crying again. Fuck. I had cried more in the past two weeks than I had in my entire life. "How am I supposed to move on past her?"

Mom sighed, wrapping her arms around me and rubbing my back. "I don't know, sweetie. I honestly don't know."

I leaned into her, burying my face in her thin shoulder.

"You gave her the plane ticket, right?"

"Yeah."

"There's a good chance she'll change her mind. She was angry and hurt when she shot you down. It might be that she just simply needs time to think."

"But what if she doesn't? What if she doesn't show up?"

"Well, I'm going to be staying around town for awhile longer because of my company. If it looks like she wants to get out of town or she misses you, I'll send her your way. I really don't think you two are over for good, not with the way it ended. Yes, you were careless and selfish, but you also had some pretty legitimate reasons."

"She doesn't think we'd work together, though. She thinks we're too fucked up and that we have too many issues."

"If you two love each other enough, it'll work. You two can make it work - I have faith in that."

"I guess...Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Yesterday, you told me not to be like you. What did you mean by that?"

She sighed and sat down on the edge of the couch, pulling my feet into her lap. "I should have fought for your dad. The last time I saw him before he moved in with Savannah, I could see it in his eyes, he regretted everything he had done. He just wanted to come home, but the town and Savannah weren't going to let him, not unless I was on his side. And I just let him walk out the front door without telling him that I wanted him to stay. I should have fought for him."

"But...he cheated on you."

"Yeah. But I had made plenty of mistakes as well. Our marriage wasn't a good one or a stable one, but we did love each other. He betrayed me, but I left both of you in a way - I put work before anything else. In some ways, I was every bit as bad as he was. We could have gone to marriage counseling, tried to work it out. But I didn't want to try - I was too afraid of what would happen if we failed. Just like you were yesterday. You were too scared of what could happen if you and Katie took the next step, if you left town together, just the two of you. In that moment, you reminded me so much of yourself, and I couldn't let you make the same mistake I had."

I slowly nodded. "I guess I see where you're coming from..."

"I know yours and Katie's situation is a lot different than mine, James. And you two are quite a bit younger than your father and I were, but you also haven't made the mistakes we did. And you love each other so much. You did your part and there's nothing else you can do but to hope desperately that she shows up tomorrow at the airport. It's up to her now. And like I said, even if the plane leaves without her, I'll do my best to make sure it's not the last time you see her. You two are far from being over."

"Are you sure it isn't just wishful thinking on your part?" I asked her. "Hoping that I'll get the happy ending that you never did?"

Mom shrugged. "Oh, I know it is. But I also have faith in your relationship. I don't know how you two ended up together, and I have this really odd feeling that I don't want to know - "

I snorted. "Yeah, you probably don't."

She ignored me. " - but the fact is, you did end up together, and your relationship survived more in a month than most people's do in a year. So just keep hoping, James, because you don't know what's going to happen."

Mom and I had breakfast together soon after, and then I trudged up the stairs to take a shower and throw on clothes. I spent the rest of the day packing. Mom had already told me that anything I didn't take with me, she would ship to me once I had arrived, so I didn't have to worry about boxing up every single thing.

I sighed as I folded clothes up and placed them in my suitcase. At this time tomorrow, I would be heading for the Burton International Airport. And at this time in two days, I would be in Parablo. Well, that was assuming nothing went wrong and we went down over the Atlantic Ocean. But I decided to be positive about that.

Yeah, I'll admit, I'm not a huge fan of flying. I've done it, I can do it, but the takeoff and landing scares the shit out of me. And the last time I was on a plane, when I was coming back to Canton Lake from Los Angeles, we hit a bunch of turbulence as we flew over South Dakota. I had never been so scared in my entire life. The entire time the plane was being tossed around, I was alternating between reciting every prayer I knew and cussing my dad out for being the reason I was about to die.

It was slightly ironic in a way. I had survived the flight, and now I was getting ready to take a plane away from Canton Lake, while he was dead.

The world definitely has a way of fucking with you, no doubt about it.

I got most of my packing done that day, so I guess it wasn't a complete waste of time. I had dinner with my mom in front of the TV while we watched _Casablanca_, one of our favorite movies of all time. My mom had always loved the romance in it, but I had been intrigued by the danger and secrecy from the very first moment.

I paused as the last scene came on, showing Ingrid Bergman's and Humphrey Bogart's characters. Ingrid's character was about to leave on a plane for the United States with her husband, even though she and Humphrey were madly in love with each other. She wanted him to come with them so desperately, and he did too, but in the end, he decided to stay so that he could continue to do spy work for the allies. She left Casablanca on a plane, and he was still there...

In a way, it was like Katie's and my roles were reversed. I was the one leaving, and she was the one who was going to be staying behind.

Wow. Even one of my favorite movies was mocking me. Fucking fantastic.

I ended up sleeping in my mom's bed with her since she didn't want me to sleep on the couch again ("You'll wind up with a knotted back, and by the time you get off the plane, you won't be able to walk!") and there was no way in hell I was sleeping in my own bed, not with the memory of Katie hanging around my entire room.

It was painful even being in my bathroom, remembering those times in the shower, remembering every caress, every touch, ever kiss.

_Katie..._

She weaved in and out of my dreams, arriving at the airport only to change her mind, or to suddenly disappear in the crowd of people. I awoke several times that night, whimpering her name.

It was five in the morning when I woke up from a dream where she was just standing there, smiling up at me, slimmed fingers wrapped around the handle of a suitcase.

And now my dreams were mocking me too.

With a deep breath, I slid out of bed and walked downstairs to the living room, where I had left my phone on the coffee table. I picked it up and sent her a text: **I know you're still mad and hurt but...I love you more than anything, and I'm hoping desperately that you'll be at the airport at five PM today, ready to leave Canton Lake with me.**

And that was that. Like Mom had said, the only thing I could do was wait and see what would happen.

I got a quick drink of water before going back upstairs and plopping down in Mom's bed once more. I conked out right away, and didn't wake up until almost ten.

I went through the usual motions, showering and dressing, before finishing packing.

My mom and I were going to try to be at the airport by four, so that meant we needed to leave around three-thirty.

I sighed, glancing at the clock on my phone. It wasn't even one yet, and I was already restless. What was I supposed to do for the next two and a half hours?

Before I could strain myself too hard by thinking about it, the doorbell rang. Furrowing my brow, I opened the door, only to find my jaw dropping at the three guys who were standing there: Kendall, Logan, and Carlos.

"What're you guys doing here?" I asked once I had managed to regain my voice.

Logan nudged Kendall in the ribs with his elbow. "_Kendall_ has something he wants to say to you."

Kendall sighed deeply. "Can we come in? I promise I won't try to kill you or anything."

"Fine. Come on in."

They trooped inside and I let the door fall shut, before turning to face them. "So, what's up?"

Kendall took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. About everything. I've...I've been an absolute ass, to both you and Katie the past couple of months. Well, no, I've been an ass to her a lot longer than that, but yeah...When I walked in on you two the other morning, I was...All I could see was my baby sister with the guy who you used to be. And then you yelled all those things at my dad, and something started to sink in, but nothing clicked until I walked into Katie's room a half hour ago and saw the plane ticket on her dresser. She said you're leaving in a few hours, and she's not going with you."

My stomach churned. "So, she's made her decision. She's not showing up."

Kendall looked down. "I guess not...I'm sorry, James. I really, really am. She told me what happened and what you said to her, both over the phone and when she was here, and the thing is, I can see both sides of the story. I can see where you would be terrified of committing after seeing your parents' marriage fall apart like it did, but I can also see where she would feel so betrayed. You saved her from being raped and you were there for her when our parents were splitting up, when I was such a fucker to her. So for you to just basically say that you didn't want her to come with you - and yes, I know that's not what you meant," he added, holding up his hand as I opened my mouth to interrupt him. "But that's how she perceived it. First our parents, then me, and now you. In her mind, you were just someone else who disappointed her, who let her down. She's not going to forgive or forget easily."

"So, there's no chance she can change her mind in the next couple of hours?" I asked desperately.

Kendall bit his lip. "The honest truth is, I don't know. I'm going to try to talk to her, but there's no guarantee she'll listen to me."

"Right..."

"Anyway, I just wanted to come over and apologize and maybe explain why Katie's so adamant about all this. And...I'm hoping we'll be able to remain friends. I know you probably won't be forgiving me anytime soon, but if there's a chance in the future - "

"We'll remain friends," I promised him at once. "Believe me, this isn't the end."

Logan and Carlos both whooped, and Carlos yelled, "Group hug!" before dragging us all into one massive bear hug.

"So, I guess we'll let you get back to whatever it is you were doing," Logan said as we all pulled away. "Have a safe flight, James. And don't be a stranger. Come back when you're on spring break. You're our best friend, no matter what."

I smiled widely. "You know, I think that's the nicest thing I've heard in awhile."

"Well, it's the truth."

"It's good to know."

Kendall and I fist bumped, Logan clapped me on the shoulder, and Carlos hugged me again, before heading out.

I let out a breath. At least I had my friends back, more or less...That was something, at least.

My mind drifted back to Katie, and I knew that there was one more thing I needed to do before I left.

* * *

**Katie's POV**

The plane ticket was taunting me.

I could see it from where I was curled up on my bed, just laying there innocently on my dresser, a blatant reminder of everything that I could have. But things could go wrong so easily. James had already decided once that he didn't want me to come with him. He could change his mind so easily, and _bam_! We would fall apart just like that.

I wasn't going to take that chance.

My eyes wandered to the bags that were piled up against my closet door. I had never unpacked; I just simply hadn't had the energy or the motivation. But I knew that if I really wanted to, I could grab the luggage, snatch up the plane ticket, and drive to the airport to meet James.

And fuck, if it wasn't tempting beyond anything else.

But he had betrayed me. I had trusted him, and he had decided he didn't want me. I couldn't let myself be hurt by him again.

And then there was a knock on my door, a soft, gentle tap, and I knew it was Kendall. I hadn't seen my dad since the day he had beat the shit out of James. From what Kendall had told me, Dad had grabbed what he needed to and then made a beeline for his apartment. Lydia, on the other hand, had chosen to stay. When I hadn't come out of my room, she had walked up to talk to me, to see if there was anything she could do. She had been in there when James had called for a second time, and had offered to drive me over to his house so that I could pick up what I needed to.

Considering she was a home wrecker, she was actually really nice. And the thing was, she wasn't the only woman my dad had had an affair with. I had talked to my mom this morning, and she had told me that she'd suspected that my dad had been going out on her for quite awhile, she had just never had the guts to do anything about it. She'd been in denial, and had gotten so used to living like that that she had almost convinced herself that everything was fine. Almost. And then he would stop, would go back to acting like the perfect, loving husband, and she would relax.

But then Dad had begun to stay late at the office again, just as he had used to, and he began arguing and fighting with her at every twist and turn, and she knew exactly what was going on. She had hoped that if she didn't confront it, the problem would go away on its own, but obviously it hadn't. Instead, it had just grown worse, into a monster, a five headed spiky creature that she couldn't control, and she became forced to face the inevitable. When he stopped answering his phone at certain times in the day, and wouldn't call or text her, she finally had enough. The day he had left, she had stormed down his office to demand to know if they needed to see a marriage counselor or a divorce attorney, only to find him kissing Lydia. She had promptly turned around and stalked straight out, driving home, but he had shown up soon after, and everything that she had been fighting to keep under the surface, everything she had been hoping desperately would go away, came exploding out, until there was nothing left to say.

They were over, and that was all there was to it.

Mom had finally accepted it, and had given up the family counseling sessions, because really, all she was doing was wasting her money, time, and patience with those things.

Kendall had also apologized to me, when I had gotten home from James'. I had barely acknowledged him, but an hour or so ago, he had come into my room to talk, and had ended up explaining how much alike he had realized he and Mom were. He had managed to convince himself that nothing was going on; as long as he didn't see it, it didn't exist. But when Mom and Dad had split up, he hadn't known who to put the blame on - on Dad, for being such a complete asshole, or on Mom, for letting him be such a complete asshole. He had settled for the middle ground - me. It had been easier rather than blaming the two people who actually were at fault.

But he had apologized repeatedly, and now that he had explained himself, I could understand...to a point, anyway. I was still hurt and angry by what he had said and done, but at least I now knew what had been going through his head at the time. And that helped quite a bit.

"Come in," I called, and sure enough, Kendall pushed the door open.

"Hey, baby sister."

"Hey, big brother."

He walked across my room and sat down beside me. "So."

"So?"

"So...I just went to see James."

"Oh. Why?"

"To get things patched up. I figured I owed him a huge apology."

"Yeah," I said firmly, "you did."

"And we talked about you. Katie, he really wants you to come with him. He didn't mean he didn't want you when he said that. He told you why. And I know you're still stuck in that mindset, but he told you the truth. I know James, and believe me, there has never been a time when he didn't want you to come down to Parablo with him."

I looked up at him, into his face. "But how can you be sure? He said - "

"He gave you a list of reasons. And yeah, he does believe them. But there was a bunch of underlying things as well, and you know that. But he always wanted you to come. And he's hoping you can set aside everything and join him."

"I don't know..."

"Well, you have three hours before the plane leaves. Think about it, Katie."

I continued to look at him. "What do _you_ think I should do? What's your honest opinion?"

"My honest opinion? I think you should put your hurt and betrayed feelings aside, and use the plane ticket. You need to get out of Canton Lake almost as much as James does, and you're in love with him. Don't let him leave without you, Katie. You're a Knight, and Knights don't go down without a fight. So fight for him." And with that, he got to his feet. "I'll be downstairs." He headed out of my room, and I sighed, leaning back against my pillows.

There was another knock on my door, and Lydia poked her head in. She had been over at our house quite a bit the past couple of days, making sure that Kendall, who was also staying here with me, and I ate. I wasn't sure if it was simply because we were her boyfriend's kids, or if she actually cared about us, but I had a strange feeling that it was the latter.

"Your phone rang a little while ago," she told me. "I know you left it downstairs because you didn't want to be disturbed, but when I looked at it, it had James' name on the screen. He left a voice message. You might want to listen to it." She came into my room and handed the phone to me, before walking back out.

I groaned. I had no idea what I was supposed to do now. My defenses, the walls I had been building since I was fourteen, the ones James had broken down, and the ones that had reappeared when he had broken up with me, were tumbling down, and there was nothing for me to grasp a hold of.

With a growl, I got to my feet and began pacing my room. I was determined not to listen to the voice message from James. I didn't want to hear what he had to say, not in the least. And I was getting really sick and tired of people putting their two cents in. Why couldn't people just stay out of my fucking business?!

And then my eyes landed on my phone, and I almost screamed. It was just sitting there on my bed, calling to me, taunting me just like the plane ticket was still doing, and I cussed under my breath.

Fine. I'd give in, just this once.

I stalked over to it, snatched it up, and immediately realized that along with a voice message from James, I also had a text from him. My stomach churning, I opened the text and saw that it was time stamped 5:04 AM. What on earth had he been doing up at that time? I read the text, and felt my resolve slowly begin to trickle away: **I know you're still mad and hurt but...I love you more than anything, and I'm hoping desperately that you'll be at the airport at five PM today, ready to leave Canton Lake with me.**

I let out a deep breath, and got into my voice mail. A moment later, I could hear James' voice: "Hey, Katie...you never returned my text, so I don't know if you're simply ignoring me, or if you just never got it. I'm kind of hoping for the latter...Anyway, I just wanted to say, I'm still hoping more than anything that you show up at the airport today. Even if you don't, I'll always love you, and I'll always regret making you feel like you didn't matter to me, because you do, more than anything. Fuck, Katie...I can't imagine life without you, and these past few days have been a living hell. I'm having trouble sleeping, I can't be in my own room because of how much it reminds me of you...even my shower..."

I let out a small chuckle, thinking about those times in his shower. They were damn good memories.

"...Anyway, I guess my point is, I love you and if you don't show up today, I'll miss you and...I'm not giving up. I'm not giving up on us, even if you have. I love you, and I know I didn't treat you like I should have, but I was scared and shaken and I wasn't thinking straight. And I'm hoping you'll forgive me. So please..._please_...be there at the airport today with your plane ticket. Please, Katie-Bear..._please_...I love you."

There was a beep as the voice message ended, and I knew. I knew exactly what I was going to do.

I glanced at the time and swore loudly. It was almost four. Where the hell had the time gone? I snatched the plane ticket up. "Kendall! Kendall! I need a ride for the airport!"

* * *

**James' POV**

Just as Mom and I had planned, at 3:30 we were on our way to the Burton airport.

My luggage was loaded into the trunk safe and sound, and I knew which bags I was bringing on the plane, and which ones I would have to grab at baggage claim.

The entire way there, my mom made sure to give me a long lecture about being responsible and keeping up with my studies and maybe finding a job, while being safe and taking care of myself, and God, she would miss me.

I gave her a small smile as we pulled up in front of the airport. "I'll miss you too," I told her sincerely. "I'm going to miss you so much."

And with that she burst into tears and reached across the gear shift, hugging me tightly.

We got my stuff into the airport before she turned to me. "Well, I guess this is it."

"Are you going to fly in for Christmas?"

"I might. It depends on what my schedule looks like. But I honestly don't know."

I nodded. "Okay. Well...I hope you do."

"Me too." She hugged me one last time and kissed my forehead, before pulling back. "And let me know when you can what happened or didn't happen with Katie."

"I will," I promised, and she smiled sadly at me, before hurrying out of the airport.

I checked in and went through security, before plopping down in the waiting area beside gate thirteen.

I glanced at my phone and saw that it was almost 4:30.

Katie had half an hour.

And I still hadn't heard from her.

The minutes dragged by painfully slow, and I found myself walking around the waiting area, completely restless once again.

4:35...and then 4:37...

She wasn't here yet...What if she wasn't coming? She probably wasn't. After all, what were the chances Kendall could convince her? And yeah, I had called her, but I had no proof that she had even gotten the voice message I had left her. She was probably ignoring me, wanting nothing to do with me.

4:42 now...and then 4:45...

Fifteen minutes...

Unless the plane boarded late. And then it would be all the more aggravating, because I would be hoping fervently that she was running late as well.

4:50...4:53...

Oh man, she wasn't coming...

From outside the window, I could see the airplane being prepped.

4:55...

Five minutes...

4:56...

4:57...

4:58...

My stomach was clenching and twisting and turning and I collapsed in a chair.

4:59...

5:00...

And then 5:01...

She wasn't coming.

And that was that. She hadn't changed her mind, not at all. She didn't want to be with me, and she didn't want to leave with me. And there was nothing I could do about it.

I dropped my head into my hands, fighting back the urge to, once more, fall apart. And I knew I would, once I got to the hotel I was staying at until I could find an apartment, but for now, I needed to just...I didn't even know.

Pretend that my heart didn't feel like it was literally breaking?

Pretend that it was all for the best?

I was never going to watch _Casablanca_ ever again.

And then I heard my name being called. I tensed slightly. No...no way...this was just cruel...it couldn't be happening...But then I heard it again, and I looked up, almost crying in relief and happiness when I saw Katie hurrying towards me, Kendall and their dad's girlfriend just a couple of paces behind her, dragging her luggage. She was waving her ticket in the air, and looked slightly out of breath, but her face was breaking out into a wide smile.

"Hey," she said as she reached me.

"Hey. I didn't think you were going to come."

"Yeah...I wasn't sure I was going to either..."

"What changed your mind?"

"Kind of a mixture of Kendall, the plane ticket, and your text and voice message. I couldn't let you and this opportunity get away. I want out of Canton Lake too badly, and I love you too much."

I didn't even hesitate. I pulled her into a tight hug, before kissing her, putting as much love and passion and happiness as I could into it. She clung to me, pressing herself closer to me.

After several long moments, we broke apart, and I rested my forehead against hers. "I love you, Katie. More than anything."

"I love you too, Jamie."

Before we could do or say anything else, the boarding announcement was made, and Katie and I were turned to look at Kendall and Lydia. Kendall hugged me, before embracing Katie, and Lydia smiled at me.

"I'm glad things worked out."

"Yeah, me too."

"Oh, I'm Lydia by the way, Katie's dad's girlfriend. You know, the home wrecker."

I let out a small laugh as I shook her hand. "I'm James. And I'll only hold it against you as long as Katie does."

"That's good to hear."

Kendall clapped my shoulder. "Take care of Katie, James. And make sure to come back to Canton Lake once in awhile."

"We will," Katie and I promised together, and then we were hurrying towards the gate.

A moment later, we alighted into the plane, and we were shown our seats.

"So, this is it," Katie said to me, a smile breaking out over her face. "It's really happening. We're really leaving Canton Lake together."

I nodded, smiling widely as well. "It is. It really is."

She pulled my face to hers so that she could kiss me again. "If you ever do what you did the other day, I will kick your ass until you get some sense into you."

I chuckled. "Agreed. And if you remain as stubborn or get the wrong idea, I'll keep bothering you until I can get through to you."

"Maybe I was wrong," she said thoughtfully. "Maybe instead of being so fucked up that we can't handle a relationship, maybe we can just be fucked up together."

I grinned. "I think we were already doing that. But hey, it works for us."

"That it does."

Before long, the safety presentation was being given, and then the landing gears were being drawn up, and the airplane was taxiing around the runway. There was a whoosh and a loud roar as the plane finally lifted up off of the ground, and that was it.

Katie and I were off to begin our new lives outside of Canton Lake. And we were beginning them together.

And in that moment, I couldn't ask for anything better.

* * *

_**I won't lie, the ending is totally cheesy and clichéd, and I'm sure some of you were rolling your eyes at it. You could probably see it coming from a mile away. But hey, it's the ending I wanted for this chapter, and I've been planning it since I really started plotting the story out in my head.**_

_**Okay, so next is the epilogue. I'll do my best to make sure I don't keep you guys waiting too long for it :)**_

_**Anyway, feel free to review and let me know what you thought of the chapter, if you liked it, loved it, hated it, despised the ending, whatever. The review button and I would be super, super grateful :)**_


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